Preventing Violence; the Need for Defusing and Deescalation Skills

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gerhard1

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A C&P of a post I made in the Kansas forum some time back.
There are a lot of posts and threads on this forum that tell what to do if a situation gets out of control. These are well and good. But something that I think needs to be explored is this: preventing it in the first place.

Consider this example from a long-ago post by yours truly:
I don't see this type of nonsense here very often anymore since a certain poster is no longer here, but this gentleman (and I use the term very loosely in his case) was always proclaiming that he would lay a beating on someone for playing their boom-box too loud or how he had (or was it would?) destroy someone's radio if it was playing too loud. he was as full of it as a Christmas goose, always saying how his sheriff (in another state) would give him his CCW license without (presumably) bothering to do the background check. This was because "he was 'so-and-so's boy".

If it were just his ranting and raving I could have tolerated it better, but this guy had a certain cadre of admirers who kept egging him on and encouraging him in this claptrap. I doubt very seriously that he was anywhere near as bad as he wanted people to think he was, but if he had ever been in a self-defense shooting, some of his posts on this forum would very likely fry his butt.

If someone was playing their radio or a boom-box too loud, would any of you here seriously consider doing what this poster said he would do? I sincerely hope not.

Much of the time, street encounters can be prevented or deescalated by simple common courtesy. In other words, by being polite. For example, someone runs into you or you may look away for an instant and run into someone else. If this happens to me, my first step will be to say 'excuse me' and 99% of the time, this will suffice. However, if you say something to the effect of 'watch where you are going' and maybe call the other person a choice name, the situation can easily escalate into something ugly.

Or, if something you say is perhaps misinterpreted by another and the person's pride or sense of honor is offended, you can either try to defuse any conflict or you can say, in effect 'screw off' to him (in most cases it will be a male) and tell him to 'deal with it'. Bear in mind that his method of 'dealing with it' may be resorting to physical violence.

In short, try to leave the other person an 'out' that he can take that leaves his pride intact and does not cause him to use violence or lose face.

Granted, the issue of pride will likely not apply in an armed robbery, but in those cases where it does apply, we would do well to keep it in mind.

How would you defuse or deescalate potential conflict in such a way that violence is averted?
Any thoughts on this?
 

Dale00

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Absolutely..."An armed society is a polite society".....and, "A soft answer turns away wrath"

Terms of respect, such as 'sir', are by no means outdated. They can help defuse someone who is on the edge of losing control.

People with ego problems, tend not to back down. Stay away from them when possible. If you are one of them, do not carry.

People who are being extremely unreasonable are likely that way because of nothing you have done. Whatever it takes to get out of their way is the reasonable thing to do...unless and until they present a credible threat/deadly force. Keep an eye on them as you try to disengage.
 

Chuckie

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I agree that working to deescalate a situation is almost always better than pushing it. It often helps to 'walk in the other persons shoes' for a moment to help understand what may be causing the problem and how to approach it. Granted that most of us are not in the business of being a psychiatrist, but being able to 'read' someone can sometimes literally mean the difference between life and death.
 

operator742

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Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth ....(Meekness is not weakness. It is being able to restrain yourself when provoked)

Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy

Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called the children of God.
That sums it all up. Great post Dale,now starting with me if we can apply that to our lives every day.
 

Annie

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Boy, I dunno. I struggle with this one all the time. I have found, in general, that the nicer and more accommodating I try to be the worse things get.

Maybe it's because I'm a woman, but once I get enough (and admittedly it doesn't take much) I tend to revert quickly to my pissed off bartender days. I've had panhandlers actually apologize to me for bothering me before it was all over. (I DON'T like being approached be strangers.)
 

operator742

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Boy, I dunno. I struggle with this one all the time. I have found, in general, that the nicer and more accommodating I try to be the worse things get.

Maybe it's because I'm a woman, but once I get enough (and admittedly it doesn't take much) I tend to revert quickly to my pissed off bartender days. I've had panhandlers actually apologize to me for bothering me before it was all over. (I DON'T like being approached be strangers.)
I'm the same way, the older I get the less tolerant of people I am,but I don't think thats the way we are suppose to be.
 

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