dealing with hatred

ousoonerfan22 · Aug 30, 2015

Some of you can't be serious! You would make that decision to stick one of your parents in a nursing home when they are still able to be at home with just some help but not in the shape where you can't take care of them anymore. No person with a clear mind wants to be in nursing home I know I wouldn't. I remember my grandfather and how upset he was when my family decided to try a nursing home because he had fell and broke his hip and couldn't get out of bed anymore.
Saddlebum I understand how you feel but I also understand your wife wanting to take care of her mother.

Shadowrider · Aug 30, 2015

saddlebum said:
she could pay for the nursing home herself.she has a very nice apt. 1/4 mile from my house where she actually lives in a senior only community. but when she has a pain or doesn't feel right she calls and my wife runs and gets her.for the last month she has been here 6-7 days a week. the other siblings couldn't be bothered to spend their money on anything,hence letting me fix their stuff for free or at my expense.i became an ******* when I refused to do it any longer

This sounds like a talk with your wife needing to happen badly. Why doesn't she just go to her mom's place to help out if it's that close? Hell my wife goes from OKC to Shawnee regularly to her parents place.

Glocktogo · Aug 30, 2015

Do you love your wife more than you hate them?

Does she love you more than she feels beholden to them?

If the answers are yes, work it out. If not, cut the ties that bind and be done with it. There's no way I'd allow disliked in-laws into my home to visit their mother more than one day a week (with me gone fishing or something). If it's so damn important, your wife can haul her down to the apartment for those visits. You probably need to give her the respect of taking care of her mother, but she needs to give you the respect of not allowing unscheduled visitors that she knows will rile you up. A man's home is his castle and putting up with disagreeable in-laws all the time is over the line. Let her know your feelings on the matter and come to some mutually agreeable terms.

BrandonM · Aug 30, 2015

If you openly hate them and try to provoke them then you are the ******* they think you are. Sorry, but it's true. They sound like they suck pretty badly also. Now, you can act like a grown man who loves his wife, or can maintain the childish ******* status you've been enjoying. Your call, your life. Best of luck.

saddlebum · Aug 31, 2015

TWSS said:
If you openly hate them and try to provoke them then you are the ******* they think you are. Sorry, but it's true. They sound like they suck pretty badly also. Now, you can act like a grown man who loves his wife, or can maintain the childish ******* status you've been enjoying. Your call, your life. Best of luck.

I agree that my behavior towards them is being an ass. That's why I posted to figure out how to stop.I've ask my wife for a divorce on a number of occasions,she refuses saying that she loves me and when this stress is over we would regret a divorce. I realize telling her I want a divorce ad's to her grief. My wife is the one who suffers the must because of mine and her family's behavior and I need to control it.

these are people who told me that they wished more LEO's would be killed in the line of duty to teach them they aren't god,knowing I have 2 brothers, a sister inlaw, a nephew and some cousins that are LEO's.they told me this on the day I bailed thier son/brother out of jail for dui . wasn't his fault the cops were just picking on him is what they said.

tRidiot · Aug 31, 2015

They do sound like people I wouldn't allow in my house. I agree that the MIL has her own place, those people would not be allowed in my home, if that was the way they acted. You can always make yourself scarce when they're around... go out to the shop, go meet some buddies for a beer, hang at BDubs with your weapon concealed, chuckling to yourself the whole time.... although at BWW, I gotta go unarmed, 'cause I can't hang there for hours watching games and not have some beers. Especially when I'm in the mood for the super-hot s**t. Oh, sorry, I digress.

I can sympathize, somewhat. I, too, have told my wife many times in the past to divorce me when we had legally separated for about a year and a half. She refused and I am glad she did. It was a sh**ty time for us, to be sure, but having my son and family around now as the only ones I feel I can truly trust in my life is worth it.

But we would have to come to some kind of understanding about grandma and the white trash family. I just can't be around folks like that, or I AM going to lose it on them. Whether stupidity, laziness, slovenliness, entitlement or just plain being a piece of s**t, I see enough of that stuff at work, I damn sure am not going to put up with it at home, my place, where I need to be able to relax and recharge my batteries so I can survive another week. I don't have a good answer for you, man, I'm sorry. I just know I feel the same way sometimes, about being around people who add to your stress, don't contribute anything, only take take take, etc.

I, too, am a selfish @$$hole, it seems.

We need to start a club.

saddlebum · Aug 31, 2015

In November I lost my job due to falling oil prices, since then the only job I was able to find in my field is a contract position with no benefits except a company van. I get up at 4am to drive to Tulsa everyday work out in the heat all day and get home around 6pm.
When I get home I want to take a shower ,eat dinner cool off watching tv until I go to bed around 8:30pm

What actually happens is I come home to a house full of people , it is 80+ degrees because they turned my ac off cause grandma was cold. She is in my chair with the TV tuned to her favorite shows. I eat my reheated dinner cause grandma couldn't wait til I got there. I go to my office room and surf the web and dream about where I could hide the bodies.
I go to bed around 8:30 but don't sleep because the are hootin and hollering like they are at the chicken fights. When I finally go in and tell them to keep it down cause I gotta get up at 4am I'm the rude ******* who only cares about hisself

tRidiot · Aug 31, 2015

Yes, man... I can certainly understand why you are feeling totally put out. All that commuting is a major strain, and most people don't understand it - but I do. I drive 75 miles each way to work every day, too. Luckily, my wife and son are understanding and considerate of my need for rest. I also sleep with a loud fan blowing on me, so even when my son has other kids over and they're playing in the house or the pool in the backyard (which is 10 feet from my bedroom window) I don't hear them much. Scotch helps, too. lol

Sorry you're having to go through all of this, man. Hang in there...

Eagle Eye · Aug 31, 2015

apologies work well with reasonable people...It sounds like these are not reasonable people

ousoonerfan22 · Aug 31, 2015

I'm starting to agree with you..... I would set the AC where I want it and when I'm trying to go to sleep if they can't be quiet they need to leave. Your wife should have your back on this and not let her family rule your house. I can see why you asked for a divorce I probably would too. I don't understand why they dislike law officers unless they are career offenders. It might be time to move out and your wife can decide what is more important to her.

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