dealing with hatred

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-Pjackso

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Ok - all good points to consider...

As a alternate option, how about establishing visiting hours. (for the other family - not the mom)
Enforce the visitation hours, and then *YOU* can arrange to be gone.


Best of luck.
 

ronny

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saddlebum, I haven't read all the other replies. Nothing they say will influence the only advice I can give you. And, that is, get over it. Read your own post and reflect on it. Forgive them. Apologize and give them your other cheek. Support your wife in her time of strife.
 

ousoonerfan22

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Well I'm just like you and when I'm done with a person I don't like I don't even want to see them. BUT as mentioned above if you truely love your wife then think about the HELL you are putting her through along with the tough job she has as a caregiver for her mother. Yes, the other family members not helping and giving their opinions would piss me off but that crap goes on in many families. If I could not act decent around them then I would find something to do when they come to visit their mother. I don't know if you believe in God or not but I pray almost everyday for strength and guidance to be a better man and have a kinder heart and not have so much hatred for people who have done me wrong. Good luck to you and hopefully you make your wife's life a lot more enjoyable.
 

Okie4570

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Just like any other emotion, you're in control of you.....nobody else controls what goes on in there or what comes out. Not always a simple thing to do, but don't let them get you angry .....if it happens, then they're in control of you.....not you. It's obvious that you're not changing their views, and they're not changing yours........so at this point it sounds like maybe just stick it out on behalf of your wife?
 

Duck L'Orange

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I'm sorry to hear about your tough situation. Some people can't look past surface things (politics, career, etc.) and if they were as "liberal" as they claim, they would be more tolerant of you, and realize you've helped them out in the past despite your differences.

You know what you have to do, and that's be the bigger man here. Even if you are acting in your own self-interest, I would do your best to just maintain things with your wife and avoid conflict.

Best of luck!
 

TenBears

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When it comes to in laws, I ask my wife to be completely honest with me and tell me if I am being unreasonable or what she thinks I can do to lessen the situation.
 

piston10

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Tough call buddy. Try and keep your mouth shut till she is gone and hopefully your wife will understand. Find something to do when they come around. I understand the grudge deal. I took custody of my oldest daughter when she was 3, she is 21 now and her biological mother walked out of her life at that point. She had visitation rights and was to pay me support. My kid went to visit her 2 years ago, she felt like it was something she needed. Got word the biological mother died of liver disease 2 weeks ago at the age of 41ish, I didn't give 2 shits. I have had dislike for her ever since she walked out of her kids life. Just keep your head down and try to be nice!
 

HMCS(FMF)Ret.

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OK Saddelbum....I'm here for you man. All this loving heart crap....what BS. I feel the same as you. If they don't like you, screw them! I don't forgive and forget either. Life is SHORT! Be Happy!!! Nursing home comes to mind. Then all the relatives can go there and visit. You shouldn't spend your life screwing with people that don't give a **** about you. Stay strong brother. My best advice (as a married man myself...27 years) talk to your wife and come to terms that you can both live with. For me though, it would definitely be nursing home time.
 

rightside

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I guess I think a bit differently. Your wife knew of your hatred and dislike for her family. Why did she bring her mother to your home? She had to know it would cause conflict. She chose to let you be miserable instead of standing up to her brothers and sisters. She is responsible for this mess and should get some courage and not let her husband suffer because of her family members. You are her immediate family, not her brothers and sisters. You have earned the right to be happy in your own home. JMO
 

saddlebum

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I guess I think a bit differently. Your wife knew of your hatred and dislike for her family. Why did she bring her mother to your home? She had to know it would cause conflict. She chose to let you be miserable instead of standing up to her brothers and sisters. She is responsible for this mess and should get some courage and not let her husband suffer because of her family members. You are her immediate family, not her brothers and sisters. You have earned the right to be happy in your own home. JMO
this has been my position .........been told multiple times I'm wrong
 

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