"No you can't trade your baby for food, this is not Somalia."
Here is a twitter feed devoted entirely to this:
http://l.pr/a4br8/
(used a URL shortener because the username, "sh-tmydadsays" has profanity in it)
Also be warned the guy's dad uses lots of 4 letter words, so if that offends you then don't click.
Some non-profane examples:
"We're out of Grape Nuts... No, what's left is for me. Sorry, I should have said "You're out of Grape Nuts.""
"Pressure? Get married when you want. Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants."
"I hate paying bills... Son, don't say "me too." I didn't say that looking to relate to you. I said it instead of "go away.""
This one is too funny to leave out, but it's edited:
"A mule kicked Uncle Bob once. Broke his ribs. He punched it in the face.. My point? You have an ingrown f-----g toenail. Stop b----ing."
E: OK one more
"The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain't like he knows the cure for cancer and he just ain't spitting it out."
Enter your email address to join: