Boundaries

[CoronaBorealis]

My wife, 3 year old daughter and I were at Hobby Lobby tonight. While checking out, the older female cashier (60-ish) told my daughter to come around the counter. We’re used to employees at various places giving stickers to her because she is pretty cute as kids go, but our red flags did go up. Then the woman said “Come give me a hug, it’s ok.” Didn’t ask us (parents) first. My wife and I were in such shock that we didn’t intervene. It’s been bothering me all evening. I’m furious at myself for not speaking up, but I’ll admit part of it was just not wanting to come off as rude. I’d die for my little girl, but I didn’t keep a stranger from hugging her.

 

[druryj]

That's pretty shocking. But in a way, not surprising. My daughter told me how she had to politely intervene a few times when stranger wanted to touch (tickle, or the like) her baby in a store or whatever. People may have good intentions, but physical contact with a stranger's child is a no-no.

Maybe consider going back in without your daughter and discreetly speaking to the lady about it. Odds are she has no idea of the line she crossed; it may have just been, and probably was, her maternal instincts kicking in...you know, wanting to hug a cute kid? I bet this lady has no idea that her actions were off-limits; that the message she sent your daughter was that it's okay to have contact with strangers. Sounds like it was probably good intentions; but bad judgment on her part.

 

[AKguy1985]

yeah, that is kind of odd.

 

[Chief Sapulpa]

"While checking out, the older female cashier (60-ish)"...
It's a good thing you put the comma in there otherwise you be the perv...LOL

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[DRC458]

I'm with @druryj , most likely purely innocent, but times have changed. I think about some of the things I say and do nowadays that never would have given pause for thought in the past.

 

[montesa]

It may be that back in the day, people would just hug kids and it was expected, especially grandmothers.

 

[Cowcatcher]

I see it as a teachable moment. I think you stand a better chance of speaking to your daughter and telling her to reject hugs from strangers than you do trying to educate the strangers. I'm guessing the lady was just being a sweet grandmother aged lady. IMO, I'd teach the child. As a father of three children I believe I stand a better chance of succeeding if I educate my kids instead of trying to educate all those they come in contact with. This way if I'm not around, the lesson is there with the child. What do our kids do if we aren't there? Kids are sharp and eager to learn.

 

[druryj]

I see it as a teachable moment. I think you stand a better chance of speaking to your daughter and telling her to reject hugs from strangers than you do trying to educate the strangers. I'm guessing the lady was just being a sweet grandmother aged lady. IMO, I'd teach the child. As a father of three children I believe I stand a better chance of succeeding if I educate my kids instead of trying to educate all those they come in contact with. This way if I'm not around, the lesson is there with the child. What do our kids do if we aren't there? Kids are sharp and eager to learn.

Good idea. I think if the opportunity presents itself or if it’s convenient, I’d still give the hobby lobby hugger a heads up...might save her from someone embarrassing her when in all likelihood she meant no harm. But yes, educating the child is a very good idea.


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[skyhawk1]

Also this is a bad time of the year to have anybody you don't know touching your family because of the flu.

 

[CHenry]