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<blockquote data-quote="NightShade" data-source="post: 3273328" data-attributes="member: 29706"><p>I tried very hard to get along with my mother and the rest of the family on that side. Eventually when I was quitting jobs and having other problems while trying to help them and then being insulted and berated while helping I had to quit and worry about myself. I honestly didn't really know my father most of my life. My mother loved talking about how she was married and divorced multiple times by 19. She also told me all the time that all men are a$$h0l3s and that I would be one too, I heard that from as early as I can remember. She also believed in the 4F program... Find em, Feel em, F*#@ em, and forget em. On top of that she was an alcoholic and one of the last things she told me was that she had her whole life planned out. She was going to be a stripper and this and that and the other and then she had me. </p><p></p><p>I always wondered why I couldn't have a nice family who would be there when things went bad. My own grandfather said my son was a bastard child and he wouldn't even claim him as kin. I wonder what I did wrong there and what I could have changed about myself to make it work better.</p><p></p><p>For my fathers wife, I guess I should have just turned around and left the day after she started mentioning I should go home to my father. I heard her say something and he plainly said that it was supposed to be at least 3 weeks and if it was a month it was fine. Then again I would have then had to hear about how we didn't get anything done. I still didn't get to do the one thing I really wanted to do which was go into the mountains and take a little bit of my wife's ashes there so she could have a nice view. I didn't ask for anything from them while I was there. I could have... One thing I really want to get right now is a Scuba regulator set and a tank so I can have my own to dive with whenever I want but I would NEVER ask someone to get it for me. I will scrimp and save and go without to have it. I was in pain the whole entire time I was there but I didn't complain about it. I just went to the back porch and laid down on a cot I brought along to try and let the pain ease up a little and spend time with my wife's dog who wasn't allowed inside. If you don't think I don't ask myself what I did wrong or what I could have done different to make things better you are completely wrong. I go over everything all the time, in some ways that is a curse I deal with, I spend many nights going over details to the point where I can't sleep until I literally pass out from tiredness. That was the point where I was at on the drive home, I literally started to fall asleep with my eyes open doing 75mph. I used to be able to stay awake for over 24 hours without issue but now that I am lucky to sleep 5 or 6 hours a night I just can't make it happen.</p><p></p><p>[USER=26381]@Free Trapper[/USER] and anyone else who did have good family, don't feel bad about it. It is what it is and honestly some people just shouldn't have children at all so they don't spread the dysfunctional crap along. Honestly I just needed to vent about stuff, I don't have my wife to talk about things with anymore.</p><p></p><p>I am 40 years old and my son only made it 9 days. At this point I don't want any and haven't for quite a few years. My wife told me many times that she wished she could have given me a child but she had already had a tubal ligation done and about 2 years into our marriage ended up having a hysterectomy.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="NightShade, post: 3273328, member: 29706"] I tried very hard to get along with my mother and the rest of the family on that side. Eventually when I was quitting jobs and having other problems while trying to help them and then being insulted and berated while helping I had to quit and worry about myself. I honestly didn't really know my father most of my life. My mother loved talking about how she was married and divorced multiple times by 19. She also told me all the time that all men are a$$h0l3s and that I would be one too, I heard that from as early as I can remember. She also believed in the 4F program... Find em, Feel em, F*#@ em, and forget em. On top of that she was an alcoholic and one of the last things she told me was that she had her whole life planned out. She was going to be a stripper and this and that and the other and then she had me. I always wondered why I couldn't have a nice family who would be there when things went bad. My own grandfather said my son was a bastard child and he wouldn't even claim him as kin. I wonder what I did wrong there and what I could have changed about myself to make it work better. For my fathers wife, I guess I should have just turned around and left the day after she started mentioning I should go home to my father. I heard her say something and he plainly said that it was supposed to be at least 3 weeks and if it was a month it was fine. Then again I would have then had to hear about how we didn't get anything done. I still didn't get to do the one thing I really wanted to do which was go into the mountains and take a little bit of my wife's ashes there so she could have a nice view. I didn't ask for anything from them while I was there. I could have... One thing I really want to get right now is a Scuba regulator set and a tank so I can have my own to dive with whenever I want but I would NEVER ask someone to get it for me. I will scrimp and save and go without to have it. I was in pain the whole entire time I was there but I didn't complain about it. I just went to the back porch and laid down on a cot I brought along to try and let the pain ease up a little and spend time with my wife's dog who wasn't allowed inside. If you don't think I don't ask myself what I did wrong or what I could have done different to make things better you are completely wrong. I go over everything all the time, in some ways that is a curse I deal with, I spend many nights going over details to the point where I can't sleep until I literally pass out from tiredness. That was the point where I was at on the drive home, I literally started to fall asleep with my eyes open doing 75mph. I used to be able to stay awake for over 24 hours without issue but now that I am lucky to sleep 5 or 6 hours a night I just can't make it happen. [USER=26381]@Free Trapper[/USER] and anyone else who did have good family, don't feel bad about it. It is what it is and honestly some people just shouldn't have children at all so they don't spread the dysfunctional crap along. Honestly I just needed to vent about stuff, I don't have my wife to talk about things with anymore. I am 40 years old and my son only made it 9 days. At this point I don't want any and haven't for quite a few years. My wife told me many times that she wished she could have given me a child but she had already had a tubal ligation done and about 2 years into our marriage ended up having a hysterectomy. [/QUOTE]
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