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The Water Cooler
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dealing with hatred
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<blockquote data-quote="JonDough" data-source="post: 2786090" data-attributes="member: 24427"><p>Some good advice is being given here....here's my 2 cents worth. (Well...more like a buck and a half..i get long winded..LOL ) </p><p></p><p> If you love your wife, find a way to get over this, even if it's giving in and just learning to live with them... Otherwise if you are unable to let it go, you stand a good chance of on day hearing "i can't take this anymore" and she (or you) is gunna be gone anyway.</p><p></p><p> If you don't find her enough of a reason to let go of it, then be done with it and go your separate ways. I'm not an advocate of telling people to split up...but damn...this doesn't seem like something that any of you can healthfully continue to live with. There's no sense in putting her, yourself and everyone else through the BS this HAS to be causing.</p><p></p><p> If you are as forward about letting them know you hate them, etc..etc...to the point of initiating confrontation, etc... you are as MUCH a CAUSE of the continuation of the problem as them. You cannot control them, but you can control YOU. If you CAN'T control YOU, then my friend, YOU have a problem that needs help.</p><p></p><p> This HAS to be causing problems with you and your wife even when the family isn't around (i know the MIL is there). And any steady building and building of friction is NEVER a good thing...it's GOING TO explode at some time...and it won't be pretty. (Think about it like the cause and end effect of earthquakes) Like i said earlier...if you love her and want to stay together, then find some way to let this **** go. It isn't worth it. If you can't...get away, because something this potent is bound to at some time have some BADDDDDD outcomes. </p><p></p><p> Pray...if you are so inclined. Talk to a preacher or a friend or someone who you can be 100% Honest with. Talk to your wife..and be 100% honest. If you want to get over this and need help doing so, you need to be 100% honest about everything. Don't be afraid to go to some sort of counseling...if for nothing else but to get fresh input or a fresh look at the true cause of the continued friction, and maybe a mutually acceptable fix.</p><p></p><p> You say they thought you were an *******...Are/Were you??? I mean take a hard look and see if maybe their initial feelings might have been founded. It's tough to self reflect sometimes...but necessary. If so...get together and say " hey this **** has got out of hand...i realize i was a dick, and did this or that and i apologize" even if you aren't the complete cause of the deal, See how that goes...be the bigger person...you never know..they may do the same and then at least you may be able to agree to be civil, etc. You may be able to agree to disagree on your differences in outlooks on life, etc...etc. That might at least make things bearable while you are stuck with them being around. If you weren't a dick....it sounds like you may be being one now... founded or not...sorry, but that's what i read from it. If they are truly just confrontational, low life's, then there may be NO fixing the situation. If that's the case, then you have some soul searching and life decisions to make before things explode.</p><p></p><p> It's hard to do "what has to be done" sometimes, no matter what that may be. But sounds like you need to decide what course of action is best and go for it no matter which way it may lead. If there's one thing i do know about life is you can't live a happy productive life it a big part of your daily family life is hate, resentment, friction and turmoil.</p><p></p><p> Best of luck to you man...i don't envy your situation at all. I hope everything can work out and you can have peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JonDough, post: 2786090, member: 24427"] Some good advice is being given here....here's my 2 cents worth. (Well...more like a buck and a half..i get long winded..LOL ) If you love your wife, find a way to get over this, even if it's giving in and just learning to live with them... Otherwise if you are unable to let it go, you stand a good chance of on day hearing "i can't take this anymore" and she (or you) is gunna be gone anyway. If you don't find her enough of a reason to let go of it, then be done with it and go your separate ways. I'm not an advocate of telling people to split up...but damn...this doesn't seem like something that any of you can healthfully continue to live with. There's no sense in putting her, yourself and everyone else through the BS this HAS to be causing. If you are as forward about letting them know you hate them, etc..etc...to the point of initiating confrontation, etc... you are as MUCH a CAUSE of the continuation of the problem as them. You cannot control them, but you can control YOU. If you CAN'T control YOU, then my friend, YOU have a problem that needs help. This HAS to be causing problems with you and your wife even when the family isn't around (i know the MIL is there). And any steady building and building of friction is NEVER a good thing...it's GOING TO explode at some time...and it won't be pretty. (Think about it like the cause and end effect of earthquakes) Like i said earlier...if you love her and want to stay together, then find some way to let this **** go. It isn't worth it. If you can't...get away, because something this potent is bound to at some time have some BADDDDDD outcomes. Pray...if you are so inclined. Talk to a preacher or a friend or someone who you can be 100% Honest with. Talk to your wife..and be 100% honest. If you want to get over this and need help doing so, you need to be 100% honest about everything. Don't be afraid to go to some sort of counseling...if for nothing else but to get fresh input or a fresh look at the true cause of the continued friction, and maybe a mutually acceptable fix. You say they thought you were an *******...Are/Were you??? I mean take a hard look and see if maybe their initial feelings might have been founded. It's tough to self reflect sometimes...but necessary. If so...get together and say " hey this **** has got out of hand...i realize i was a dick, and did this or that and i apologize" even if you aren't the complete cause of the deal, See how that goes...be the bigger person...you never know..they may do the same and then at least you may be able to agree to be civil, etc. You may be able to agree to disagree on your differences in outlooks on life, etc...etc. That might at least make things bearable while you are stuck with them being around. If you weren't a dick....it sounds like you may be being one now... founded or not...sorry, but that's what i read from it. If they are truly just confrontational, low life's, then there may be NO fixing the situation. If that's the case, then you have some soul searching and life decisions to make before things explode. It's hard to do "what has to be done" sometimes, no matter what that may be. But sounds like you need to decide what course of action is best and go for it no matter which way it may lead. If there's one thing i do know about life is you can't live a happy productive life it a big part of your daily family life is hate, resentment, friction and turmoil. Best of luck to you man...i don't envy your situation at all. I hope everything can work out and you can have peace. [/QUOTE]
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