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The Water Cooler
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Divorce.... Questions before I sign anything
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<blockquote data-quote="BadgeBunny" data-source="post: 2239267" data-attributes="member: 1242"><p>I cannot tell you how many clients I saw who simply could not or would not take this advice and it was always to their detriment. So much drama and in the end it got no one what they really wanted -- only made the attorneys a little bit richer ...</p><p></p><p>AllOut, it sounds to me like you've got a good head on your shoulders and you are doing the right thing but, as an unbiased observer on the outside looking in, this is what I see ...</p><p></p><p>1. You talked to your wife and she knew what was coming. Instead of letting that happen (and saving herself the money) she let her ego get the best of her. Strike 1 ... She's running on emotion, whether it looks like it to you or not. You "got the first punch in" so to speak by kicking her out. She filed on you FIRST to try to get under your skin and show you how much you hurt her by hurting you. (Whether it worked or not is a completely different discussion and one you need to have with yourself, not us. If what she did worked, think about why it did and come to terms with that now, with yourself, upfront because if she gets even a whiff of an idea that it worked, you are in for a much longer, much harder row to hoe ...)</p><p></p><p>2. She keeps telling you that she told the paralegal to put this or that or the other in the decree. ******** ... Oldest game in the book. You can do one of two things. You can take a pen, mark through the objectionable language and/or re-write it to suit you, then initial it and have her initial it too. OR you can hire an attorney. If I didn't think No. 3 was an issue then I'd go with the lining out of language. HOWEVER, I do not believe this is a good idea in your case and this is why:</p><p></p><p>3. She's trying to drag this out, wear you down and throw so much at you that she's hoping you will slip up (or just give up) and give her what she wants in the decree. (Actually, what she is doing is a common ploy among the couples to just try and hold onto a dead relationship a little bit longer. Because even a bad relationship is better than no relationship at all -- according to all the "mental health professionals" out there. I tend to disagree with this little tidbit of advice but a lot of people buy into it. She may be one of those people.)</p><p></p><p>4. Like aviator says, this has gone from being an emotional arrangement built on love, trust and respect to a strictly business relationship -- with a partner you can no longer trust. Do your due diligence, no matter how tired or frustrated you get. Everything at arm's length. Nothing under the table, no matter how much she begs to do so "for convenience" ... I don't know any Tulsa attorneys so I can't help you there ...</p><p></p><p>5. Finally, get a notebook and keep records ... Dates, times, subject of discussion, receipts for any money/property, etc. that may change hands outside the written decree ... Nothing is to trivial ...</p><p></p><p>Good luck to you, sir. These things are never pleasant but if you can make her think that none of this is an emotional thing for you, that it is strictly business now, you will be a lot better off in the end.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BadgeBunny, post: 2239267, member: 1242"] I cannot tell you how many clients I saw who simply could not or would not take this advice and it was always to their detriment. So much drama and in the end it got no one what they really wanted -- only made the attorneys a little bit richer ... AllOut, it sounds to me like you've got a good head on your shoulders and you are doing the right thing but, as an unbiased observer on the outside looking in, this is what I see ... 1. You talked to your wife and she knew what was coming. Instead of letting that happen (and saving herself the money) she let her ego get the best of her. Strike 1 ... She's running on emotion, whether it looks like it to you or not. You "got the first punch in" so to speak by kicking her out. She filed on you FIRST to try to get under your skin and show you how much you hurt her by hurting you. (Whether it worked or not is a completely different discussion and one you need to have with yourself, not us. If what she did worked, think about why it did and come to terms with that now, with yourself, upfront because if she gets even a whiff of an idea that it worked, you are in for a much longer, much harder row to hoe ...) 2. She keeps telling you that she told the paralegal to put this or that or the other in the decree. ******** ... Oldest game in the book. You can do one of two things. You can take a pen, mark through the objectionable language and/or re-write it to suit you, then initial it and have her initial it too. OR you can hire an attorney. If I didn't think No. 3 was an issue then I'd go with the lining out of language. HOWEVER, I do not believe this is a good idea in your case and this is why: 3. She's trying to drag this out, wear you down and throw so much at you that she's hoping you will slip up (or just give up) and give her what she wants in the decree. (Actually, what she is doing is a common ploy among the couples to just try and hold onto a dead relationship a little bit longer. Because even a bad relationship is better than no relationship at all -- according to all the "mental health professionals" out there. I tend to disagree with this little tidbit of advice but a lot of people buy into it. She may be one of those people.) 4. Like aviator says, this has gone from being an emotional arrangement built on love, trust and respect to a strictly business relationship -- with a partner you can no longer trust. Do your due diligence, no matter how tired or frustrated you get. Everything at arm's length. Nothing under the table, no matter how much she begs to do so "for convenience" ... I don't know any Tulsa attorneys so I can't help you there ... 5. Finally, get a notebook and keep records ... Dates, times, subject of discussion, receipts for any money/property, etc. that may change hands outside the written decree ... Nothing is to trivial ... Good luck to you, sir. These things are never pleasant but if you can make her think that none of this is an emotional thing for you, that it is strictly business now, you will be a lot better off in the end. [/QUOTE]
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