Dumbest excuse for not coming to work...

[mightymouse]

Heard this one yesterday. Guy I know runs a pizza place. One of his younger employees calls and says he can't come to work. When asked why, he tells the manager that it is illegal to drive a car with missing valve stem caps! Says his grandmother told him it was so.

 

[dennishoddy]

We had a guy that was consistently late to work by about 20-30 minutes. His excuse was always that he got held up because of a train.
Boss told him it was a shorter route from his home to work if he took another road that had an underpass and that was his last warning.

 

[ssgrock3]

Heard this one yesterday. Guy I know runs a pizza place. One of his younger employees calls and says he can't come to work. When asked why, he tells the manager that it is illegal to drive a car with missing valve stem caps! Says his grandmother told him it was so.

He wasn’t trying to hard. In Google times hell he didn’t even try for a good one

 

[1shott]

LOL at the train.

 

[turkeyrun]

Had a neighbor kid (16) worked at Wal-Mart. Saturday morning, his buddies stopped by, going to the beach.

He calls in and says he is having knee surgery.

The genius then goes to Wal-Mart to get his check, food, drinks and ice. Was mad they fired him.

-----------------

Had a female employee call in, said she was told by Dr to not come in for a week.
She comes in, a week later, showing pics of her and Dr in Acapulco.

Word was, the new wing on the Motel 6 was dedicated to her.

 

[okcBob]

When I worked in California, the surfers would call in because the waves were up.

 

[swampratt]

I was always at least 30 minutes early to work.
One day I show up 1 hour and thirty minutes early.
WTF are you doing here so early..what are you talking about I say.

Darn daylight savings time got me.
I do not have a cell phone and I do not change my car clock.
It got me.
I was only 5 minutes early one day and that made me feel late.
I walked into the bosses office and he said you are late for you

I said I have a good excuse and one you have NEVER heard before.
He said I bet I have.

I reached into a brown paper sack and pull out my greasy shifter.

Told him I went into third gear and my shifter came out of the floor and I had to time the lights just right.
1980 Pinto 4 speed.

He asked Is that really your shifter?
Yea and that really just happened.
5 minute fix but I had no clue.

 

[rockchalk06]

"I just stopped drinking about 20 minutes ago" Saturday Day shift call in.

"My tags expired last month and I decided I didn't want to risk it anymore" Christmas Morning call in which was their Friday before their vacation started.

 

[Hawgman]

I gave one my boss said was the most "out there" he'd ever heard. Called in and said I can't come to work because I can’t put pants on. I had sunburnt my legs so bad I couldn't get my pants on for two or three days. He just laughed about it and told me to fill out a leave form when I came in.

 

[Dorkus]

I used to have a lady that worked for me that said all the time: “sorry I am late, I will make it up by leaving early”.