Dumbest excuse for not coming to work...

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meatGrinder

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I had a woman who's "mom" died 3 or 4 times in just a few months. When I pressed her about it, she said "Oh, well this lady was like a mom to me."

She walked off the job a couple months later. Just a few weeks ago she came in to apply for an opening and I asked her "How's your mom doing?"
She did not get rehired.
Also found out later she was selling meth at work.
 

p238shooter

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Years ago I had a young man employee come in late and stated "sorry I am late, but I was bed bound this morning" Before I had a chance to reply with "What the hell is that?", one of his co workers said "you should tell your wife she needs to untie you when she gets done with you in the evenings." I just walked away really trying not to laugh out loud. He was prompt after that. Ha Ha
 

HillsideDesolate

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I has an employee that was always between 20 and 180 minutes late. He was on time Just 10% of the days he had worked. His excuse was, "You see I take the bus, and you just never know when it is going to show up." I explained to him that I also commuted via public transit and emailed and texted a link to the metro trip planner, which calculates your route based on arrival time INFO-Web Transit Information

Anyway he was night shift and after a "corrective coaching" session I decide to wait until he come is. 5 minutes before his shift starts I see him walk in, and am a bit impressed. He then goes to the cafeteria orders a meal, eats and arrives 25 minutes late and is surprised to see me there. I'm like, "I just spoke to you about being on time, and here you are coming in late." His reply is, "But I was hungry, what am I supposed to do?"

Anyway after pulling teeth with HR, I schedule a meeting with him for termination. Which he doesn't show up to and I call him. He says he "forgot what day it was and can be there in 2 hours.", I then have to beg HR for a phone termination, which has to be done by a level up from me. During his termination he attempts to file a complaint against me for "racism" which was thrown out as I had hired him to begin with.
 

GorillaG

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I'm a post office retiree/survivor, they often try to call you in on your days off. I learned to tell them " I'll be right in but just so you know I've been drinking beer all morning." Worked every time. My co-worker always called in with the excuse he had diarrhea, "that way they can't say come in anyway" he said. One day the boss told him to bring in a doctors note, but we weren't required to do that unless we missed 3 days. So he told him "I'm not required to do that but I WILL bring in a jar of diarrhea if you'd like." The boss declined the offer.
 

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