I’m getting divorced I guess

[p238shooter]

I have been in the middle of a divorce for over 3 years, lots of $ complications I worked my whole life to attain, now having a large portion ripped away from me by things not initially my fault in any way.

Not my first one, but this is by far the hardest and most unfair one. I do feel for you and all the others. I just got off the phone with a ham radio buddy. We have another friend less than 40, has 3 little girls under 10 going through one, he has been hitting the bottle day and night for over 2 years. He has been in ICU over 4 days now, not sure he is going to make it.

Keep your perspective, things can get very bad for a while, it tears your guts up, tears your heart out, and makes your mind crazy and mad at times, but most of us work through it and come out the other side. You have to hold your self up. This is the only life we have, got to make the best of it even while we are down. Good luck to you.

 

[killerpigeon]

I have a couch if you need it. You'll have to share it with my cat and his PS90 though.

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[beastep]

Im sorry. None of us know what you are going through because we are not you. Every situation is different and even every day is different. So, my only advice I can give you is dont let it destroy you. Its like holding on to a rope. If you can keep it from slipping all is good. If it slips a little it hurts but its manageable. There comes a point to where you cant keep it from slipping faster and faster and the best thing to do is let it go and get completely away from it before its something you cant recover from. Ive been there too but thats just the way I see it from where I have been. Ive never been exactly where you are. None of us have.

 

[SMS]

My wife and I just celebrated our 20th. We both had short marriages with no kids before we met.

All I’ll say is this: Stand up for yourself and for what you want. None of this “I guess” and letting others influence your sacred relationship.

If you didn’t cheat, or give the appearance of cheating, and you both love each other and value your marriage, then fight for it. Grab the outsiders who are making noise by the proverbial neck and tell them to be gone. Demand that your wife deal with and talk to YOU and you alone.

If she has checked out of the relationship, and is using the outside noise as an excuse, then make an honest effort to bring her back in. If she’s still done, then drop it like a hot potato.

If you have checked out and/or cheated then do some soul searching and decide what you want to be.

Good luck man.

 

[tRidiot]

I agree on the fighting for it suggestion. If she is concerned, then see if she will go to counseling with you. There are very few (if any) problems that cannot be rectified and overcome as a couple if both partners are willing to work for it. If she isn't willing to work, then work on yourself. Do the counseling regardless.

 

[dennishoddy]

Beware of the counseling. I fought to keep the marriage after the spouse was cheating by going to counseling.
We both walked out of there saying WTF did we just go through. We believed in making our children mind, respect authority, do good in school or suffer consequences and so on.
We were told we were bad people, by the counselor.
I'm sure there are some out there that might be good for the relationship mending. We didn't find any, and split.

 

[montesa]

Here’s my advice. I’ve seen several guys go through this. Make sure you are honest with yourself and what you want to accept. If she is lying about you to other people and trying to get divorced it may be time to just accept that. Save your self respect and protect yourself before you’re a shell of a man, broke and tired from begging for fair treatment and defending your name against someone that is supposed to love and cherish you. I’m like this any money guys are too. We think as a man it’s our job to accept crazy behavior. It’s not. Be done or you will be sucked in and pay the price with your mental and emotional health. Don’t expect anything resembling fairness in the end. It’s seems it’s usually the opposite and guys take it hard.

 

[okierider]

Are you sure it is not projection!! May not be the ex at all!! Seen family members and friends that were cheaters and accused their spouses because of guilt or whatever !

 

[CHenry]

Whatever it is, it sounds toxic from the top down. I'd file for a divorce and cut my losses. That's coming from a guy who wasted 3 years with separation back and forth, trying to get it to work instead of cutting my losses.

 

[C_Hallbert]

If your marriage is unstable and your wife is threatening divorce, do not show, speak or write words that show anger or in any stretch of imagination can be interpreted as threatening even if anger is totally justified. Divorce Lawyers very frequently suggest that wives press charges against their spouses for domestic violence, threatening violence, and physical and mental abuse against them, their children and their families which can lead to a Protective Order, Confiscation of Weapons, Court Ordered Estrangement from your children, the Wife’s family and even her friends. Violations are felt with severely, even accidental, so remain amicable and have a reliable third party witness present when you are with her. Be careful, my friend....your career, a criminal record and the future quality of you life are at stake. Best of luck with whatever comes....
Semper Fi


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