She got herself involved with the wrong guy. Same old story, I know.
He was verbally and mentally abusive, manipulative, etc. He is into guns, but not heavy or hardcore, but he is a shooter.
They live over an hour apart, she has messed up and allowed him back in her life a couple times, but has cut him off repeatedly, too. She now is finished with him from a romantic standpoint, I am fairly convinced, but she keeps unblocking his phone or Facebook account so she can tell him to leave her alone. He will post old pictures of them repeatedly on FB, trying to get her friends to "like" them, so she gets notification, etc. He contacts mutual friends and asks them to help him contact her because he is "hurting" and needs to talk to her, he uses his family's personal tragedies and such to draw her in to being compassionate to him, etc. It's classic manipulative behavior. He has shown up at her door knocking unannounced when he knows she is sleeping after working (she is a nurse, works nights) and been pounding on her door - she missed this, thank God, a neighbor told her. She probably would have let him in to reason with him, which would have been a YUUUUUUUUGE mistake.
I helped her pick out a gun here over a year ago, she never shot it, to my knowledge, then let her adult son take it to his dad's house, now dad will not let her have it back. She won't push the issue to avoid having to confront him and wants to just buy another one.
I've told her to cut this guy off, tell him in her last message she will file a restraining order and will report him to the nursing board (he is also a nurse). I believe these are the only things that will matter to him. But honestly, I don't think based on what is going on now that she will be granted a restraining order, or that the nursing board will take any action whatsoever. It will just sound like a lover's spat/bad breakup kind of thing.
This guy is DANGEROUS. I am serious. He is totally unbalanced. She has told me the things he has said and done over the course of the last year and a half... I know him personally, as well, and I know the guy is bad news. Like... I am seriously afraid for her life. I know she believes me, but she will not actually stick to cutting him off, she goes running out alone in the park after dark - alone. This is a really bad, bad situation. I honestly think I could be reading her obituary some day due to this man. He has been physically... overwhelming to her at times. Not exactly violent, but definitely using his size and strength to dominate her and they have been in situations where things have crossed some boundaries (personal stuff, not gonna get into that) and she has left in tears, told him she never wanted to see him again, had bruises on her neck, etc.
I keep advising her... talk to the cops, get your permit, get a gun, CARRY the gun. She is afraid - he has guns, too, she says. I know, I know, but it only takes one properly-placed shot, etc. This won't be a standoff. He will surprise her, ambush her. He will try to confront her and get her to "talk", then won't leave when she tells him to, etc. But if she pulls a gun when he surprises her, he will escalate, very quickly. I am not convinced at ALL that she will be willing or able to pull the trigger, and then he will have her gun and the situation will have DRASTICALLY worsened in an instant. He will be enraged that she would do such a thing, absolutely out of his mind. He specializes in playing the victim, the poor downtrodden, misunderstood man who just cares about her and has been cut off from his own family (can you imagine why?), etc. It is all sooooo obvious looking from the outside what is going on, how this is progressing, etc.
I don't know what else to do... I know there are few options, that she has to be the one to put her foot down and cut him off completely and take charge of her situation and stand up for herself. Prepare for and take responsibility for her own safety.
I have told her all of these things repeatedly... I just think I needed to vent a bit, get this all out. I am scared for her, but there is only so much you can do for another person. I just really, really hope I'm not having to post the story here someday that this has gone bad.
He was verbally and mentally abusive, manipulative, etc. He is into guns, but not heavy or hardcore, but he is a shooter.
They live over an hour apart, she has messed up and allowed him back in her life a couple times, but has cut him off repeatedly, too. She now is finished with him from a romantic standpoint, I am fairly convinced, but she keeps unblocking his phone or Facebook account so she can tell him to leave her alone. He will post old pictures of them repeatedly on FB, trying to get her friends to "like" them, so she gets notification, etc. He contacts mutual friends and asks them to help him contact her because he is "hurting" and needs to talk to her, he uses his family's personal tragedies and such to draw her in to being compassionate to him, etc. It's classic manipulative behavior. He has shown up at her door knocking unannounced when he knows she is sleeping after working (she is a nurse, works nights) and been pounding on her door - she missed this, thank God, a neighbor told her. She probably would have let him in to reason with him, which would have been a YUUUUUUUUGE mistake.
I helped her pick out a gun here over a year ago, she never shot it, to my knowledge, then let her adult son take it to his dad's house, now dad will not let her have it back. She won't push the issue to avoid having to confront him and wants to just buy another one.
I've told her to cut this guy off, tell him in her last message she will file a restraining order and will report him to the nursing board (he is also a nurse). I believe these are the only things that will matter to him. But honestly, I don't think based on what is going on now that she will be granted a restraining order, or that the nursing board will take any action whatsoever. It will just sound like a lover's spat/bad breakup kind of thing.
This guy is DANGEROUS. I am serious. He is totally unbalanced. She has told me the things he has said and done over the course of the last year and a half... I know him personally, as well, and I know the guy is bad news. Like... I am seriously afraid for her life. I know she believes me, but she will not actually stick to cutting him off, she goes running out alone in the park after dark - alone. This is a really bad, bad situation. I honestly think I could be reading her obituary some day due to this man. He has been physically... overwhelming to her at times. Not exactly violent, but definitely using his size and strength to dominate her and they have been in situations where things have crossed some boundaries (personal stuff, not gonna get into that) and she has left in tears, told him she never wanted to see him again, had bruises on her neck, etc.
I keep advising her... talk to the cops, get your permit, get a gun, CARRY the gun. She is afraid - he has guns, too, she says. I know, I know, but it only takes one properly-placed shot, etc. This won't be a standoff. He will surprise her, ambush her. He will try to confront her and get her to "talk", then won't leave when she tells him to, etc. But if she pulls a gun when he surprises her, he will escalate, very quickly. I am not convinced at ALL that she will be willing or able to pull the trigger, and then he will have her gun and the situation will have DRASTICALLY worsened in an instant. He will be enraged that she would do such a thing, absolutely out of his mind. He specializes in playing the victim, the poor downtrodden, misunderstood man who just cares about her and has been cut off from his own family (can you imagine why?), etc. It is all sooooo obvious looking from the outside what is going on, how this is progressing, etc.
I don't know what else to do... I know there are few options, that she has to be the one to put her foot down and cut him off completely and take charge of her situation and stand up for herself. Prepare for and take responsibility for her own safety.
I have told her all of these things repeatedly... I just think I needed to vent a bit, get this all out. I am scared for her, but there is only so much you can do for another person. I just really, really hope I'm not having to post the story here someday that this has gone bad.
