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I want to get pepper sprayed

Discussion in 'Firearm Training' started by Jedabug92, Apr 10, 2019.

  1. Aries

    Aries Sharpshooter

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    A self-test may not be as good an idea as it seems... this story is kind of a long read, but it is hysterical. :pms2:




    Taser lesson...A must READ!

    Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

    Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

    Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.

    WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.

    I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

    AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

    Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

    There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

    So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.

    The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

    What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...

    I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, 'don't do it, stupid!', reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . .

    HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . .

    WHAT THE HELL!!!

    I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.

    The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

    Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative.

    THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

    A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.

    Apparently I pooped myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

    P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

    'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.'

    upload_2019-4-10_9-27-17.png
     
    RETOKSQUID and dennishoddy like this.
  2. CHenry

    CHenry Sharpshooter

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    I had read this before but I still ROTFL!
    good one
     
  3. MR.T.

    MR.T. Sharpshooter

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    There is also a pepper gel, probably better than pepper spray because you don't get the 'mist' that may also affect you if the wind isn't in your favor, but being a gel, it sticks to the target & is harder to wipe away.
    Just a thought.
     
  4. CGS1

    CGS1 I'm Retired, Do It Yourself.

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    This is what I always used.
    Worked great on dirt bags & bottom feeders.
    Just remember to pay attention to wind direction when deploying.
    NO YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE SPRAYED WITH OC SPRAY.
    Just ask any police officer that went to CLEET.
    Glad I only had to do it once, would not want to do again.
    It's like liquid hell.
    IMGA0893.jpg
     
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2019
    RETOKSQUID likes this.
  5. RustedBeef

    RustedBeef Sharpshooter

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    Buy some spray
    Take wife into the backyard
    Spray her down
    ???
    Profit

    A friend of mine told me that he once accidentally set off a can of pepper spray at a restaurant because he was playing around with it. Cleared out the building, apparently. Said he sat there because he was too embarrassed.
     
  6. dennishoddy

    dennishoddy Sharpshooter

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    Go to an outdoor store and get bear spray. It shoots much further than most commercial sprays, and contains a more potent mixture of capsium and tear gas.
     
  7. druryj

    druryj Sharpshooter

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    Wasp spray works pretty good too, and it shoots out there a bit.
     
  8. CHenry

    CHenry Sharpshooter

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    I prefer a squirt gun filled with unleaded fuel and a pocket full of strike anywhere matches... lol
     
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  9. 918evo

    918evo Sharpshooter

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    I will second this advice. With adrenaline pumping, I made the mistake of trying to spray someone when the wind was blowing towards me. The first few seconds are not too bad, but then it starts to burn all over and it is difficult to keep your eyes open. Lesson learned. Johnson's tear-free shampoo is the best way of removing spray.
     
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  10. CGS1

    CGS1 I'm Retired, Do It Yourself.

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    :thumb:
     

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