I now hold the Guinness world record for the longest accident in history.
Yesterday, at Mathis Brothers, I fell down the up escalator for 27 minutes.
I used to play the horses at Remington Park but I was the unluckiest man that ever walked through the door. I never got to go to the cashier's window because I could never figure out on which horse to bet. I was never able to get a sign like some other people I knew of. You know, someone would see a building with a number on it or waiting on a train they would see a boxcar with a number on it, then bet that horse and win.
Well, last week, I remember it was the fifth night of the week. I went to bed and had five dreams and all five dreams I dreamed of a great big five and somehow or another my alarm clock went off at five in the morning when I had it set for ten. I went out to the track and got there just before the fifth race and I walked up to the five dollar window and put $500 on number five horse and sure enough..... he came in fifth.