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Jokes in really, REALLY bad taste ...

Snattlerake

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A guy heard that a local farmer had a blue heeler for sale that could talk. Intrigued, he drove to the farmer's house to investigate. He was met at the yard gate by a blue heeler that said, "Howdy."
Astonished, the guy replied, "It's true... You can talk. Tell me about yourself."

The blue heeler said, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I took a job with the farmer working cattle, got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The farmer came out as the dog was telling his story. When the dog finished, the guy asked the farmer what the dog was worth.

The farmer said, "I'll be lucky if I can get $10 for him."
The guy said, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth do you think he's only worth $10?"
The farmer replied, "Because the dog is a damned liar. Just like now... He never worked for the CIA."
 

ssgrock3

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me kid.jpg



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

Blue Heeler

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Two firefighters are butt ___ing in a smoke filled room.

Fire Chief walks in and asks, "WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!?"

One of the firefighters says, "Smoke inhalation sir!"

Fire Chief replies, "Did you ever think about mouth-to-mouth?!?"

Firefighter says, "How do you think this started?"
 

Snattlerake

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Jake and Bart were on their way to look a big string of cattle when they got caught in a terrible blizzard. In white-out conditions, they
pulled into a ranch headquarters and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house, so maybe it would be better if your stayed in the bunkhouse.”

“Not a problem,” said Bart. “The bunkhouse will be fine… If the weather breaks, we’ll be gone at first light.”
Come morning, the weather was clear and the cattle buyers got on their way. About nine months later, Jake received an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow that let them stay in her bunkhouse.

He found Bart at his favorite watering hole and asked, “Do you remember that good-looking widow that let us stay in her bunkhouse last winter?”

“I sure do,” replied Bart.

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?" Jake asked.

With growing concern, Bart answered cautiously, “Yeah, I guess I did.”

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?" asked Jake.

Looking like a deer caught in the headlights, Bart mumbled, “I guess I did that, too. Is there a problem?”

“No problem,” laughed Jake. “She just died… And left me everything.”
 
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