You have my deepest condolences.
Sorry about your loss, many prayers sent for you.
There is nothing to say that will ease your pain. I am sooooooooooooo sorry for your loss and can't imagine what your going through. Prayers sent.
Thank you again everyone. I do feel your support and I hope that I can pay it back if you guys ever need it. It's only been a couple days but I have started to find some peace. I knew that this was going to happen at some point and have tried to prepare myself. It's still hard but one of the most comforting things has just been talking to her, just saying what is on my mind aloud seems to help. When I have been coughing and such and I need to remind myself I just say, yes honey I know I need to take something. It still hurts but I know she loved me very much and would not want me to wallow in grief for months on end.
Shauna's mother is supposed to decide on a date for the memorial hopefully by Monday. Right now it looks like it will be me and her, Shauna's daughter, Shauna's aunt in new york and her daughter. The link I posted on the first page should be updated when a date and time is set. For myself, I decided that I would gather some music that reminded me of fun things we did together or songs she would sing to when they came on or fun times we had watching something on TV. When the time is right I am going to go down to Mount Scott where we had our first true time out together and just listen to the music and look through pictures and talk to her. A lot of the music people probably wouldn't think as appropriate for a memorial but it's something that connected us. I remember watching some of the victoria secret fashion shows together and listening to one of the artists and commenting back and forth about one thing or another very distinctly. Another time we were in Las Vegas on our first real trip together and stages were setup along Fremont street with music playing and her swaying and then us laughing together at a drunk guy nearly falling down in front of the stage while he flopped away. In the last couple of years she insisted she was a burden on me and I not long after heard a song called F*kin Perfect where the singer says basically no matter what you are perfect to me and told her exactly that after she listened to it. Another one was the same artist who she had really enjoyed was doing a deal at one of the awards shows while she was rappelling along the side of a hotel and singing. A lot of the songs bring me to tears especially the last two I mentioned but I instantly think of her.
Today I went through a bunch of youtube channels that we had started to watch over the last few months and told them thank you as just sitting here together and watching the video's brought us a lot of joy and with the questions she would have a little fun explaining things and learning some as well.
When we had first gotten married we were walking around a big box store and I got a picture of her with a big orange road cone on her head. She laughed but never wanted me to share it. I use it as the contact photo for her and if I can find a copy of it I will share it with everyone.
Shauna's mother is supposed to decide on a date for the memorial hopefully by Monday. Right now it looks like it will be me and her, Shauna's daughter, Shauna's aunt in new york and her daughter. The link I posted on the first page should be updated when a date and time is set. For myself, I decided that I would gather some music that reminded me of fun things we did together or songs she would sing to when they came on or fun times we had watching something on TV. When the time is right I am going to go down to Mount Scott where we had our first true time out together and just listen to the music and look through pictures and talk to her. A lot of the music people probably wouldn't think as appropriate for a memorial but it's something that connected us. I remember watching some of the victoria secret fashion shows together and listening to one of the artists and commenting back and forth about one thing or another very distinctly. Another time we were in Las Vegas on our first real trip together and stages were setup along Fremont street with music playing and her swaying and then us laughing together at a drunk guy nearly falling down in front of the stage while he flopped away. In the last couple of years she insisted she was a burden on me and I not long after heard a song called F*kin Perfect where the singer says basically no matter what you are perfect to me and told her exactly that after she listened to it. Another one was the same artist who she had really enjoyed was doing a deal at one of the awards shows while she was rappelling along the side of a hotel and singing. A lot of the songs bring me to tears especially the last two I mentioned but I instantly think of her.
Today I went through a bunch of youtube channels that we had started to watch over the last few months and told them thank you as just sitting here together and watching the video's brought us a lot of joy and with the questions she would have a little fun explaining things and learning some as well.
When we had first gotten married we were walking around a big box store and I got a picture of her with a big orange road cone on her head. She laughed but never wanted me to share it. I use it as the contact photo for her and if I can find a copy of it I will share it with everyone.
I found the picture I was looking for. She hated that I had it and threatened to delete it so I made sure I had multiple copies. For a second I almost thought I had lost it.
She must have been a hoot. 
Delightful looking woman. Agree with Mac.
You and her sound a lot like my wife and I. P!NK is a great artist and she has so many poignant songs that don't get radio play. My wife and I have seen her in concert twice and I couldn't recommend her enough. Some of her music is perfect for a memorial if it's something that connected you and your wife.
Again, my deepest condolences.
She really was a lot of fun. We didn't meet in a traditional way and when we had first started talking she dropped off the map for a while as her daughter was having issues of her own. When we reconnected and were able to meet we just clicked. She is about 16 years older than I am but Shauna had a thirst for living life and having fun that I just loved about her. She played games on her computer all the time and for a while we played World of Warcraft together. I think back a little and I know that she was having problems closer to the end. She was unable to remember little things in the games and how to go places and as I had stopped playing it was hard for me to help her. But she loved to watch me play games even after that point and we did so many things together.
I was able to take her out to Branson a couple years ago and we bought season passes at the beginning of last year planning to go again but with all the issues that came up were were unable to go. Even though she could not ride the rides she like to watch the people and see the rides go around. She was dumbfounded watching me ride powder keg and seeing it power launch. We spent Thanksgiving out there that year and she was able to see the lights and go to some of the shows and she just loved it to pieces. She enjoyed seeing the demonstrations and the forge I was able to talk to her about some of the stuff being done because in highschool as a freshman I was able to do some aluminium castings and knew the process. I had hoped to just extend the passes from last year and use them this year but now I don't see the point, I don't want to go alone.
She was such a wonderful woman and I always knew how to get her to crack a smile. Goofy little comments that fit the situation perfectly always seemed to come up when she was very down and I could keep her going. On Thursday I was able to do the same for her daughter as she called hoping that it wasn't true and I spoke with her for a bit. She was crying and near the end I told her to tell her boyfriend that he better hold on to her and keep her safe or I was going to go out there and kick him in the balls. She went from balling to laughing and I was always able to do the same for Shauna.
@Glocktogo I agree and Beautiful Trauma and F*kin Perfect are going to be in there. Even at the end Shauna was PERFECT to me. She is going to be in OKC on the 23rd and I thought about just saying screw it and buying a ticket and take a sign telling her about Shauna. I would give anything to be able to sit down and tell her thank you and how much her music meant to us and how my wife loved her. She and I are the same age...
Just to let everyone know how I am doing. Still on the roller coaster so to speak. Something hit me yesterday and I was having a really tough time and it was still pretty rough today but I pushed through and got stuff done. Stopped by the funeral home and offered my AR as collateral to make sure Shauna would be taken care of. He refused and said he was not worried about it. I know he has costs associated with things and I wanted to make sure that they were covered. We chatted about different stuff for a while some Shauna some not and it helped a lot but I was still feeling like a huge weight was trying to crush me into dust. I talked with Shauna's mom after that for a bit and that both made me cry a little and helped. Got a burger to eat and came home. Made the dog his meal as it was Shauna's little thing that once a day he gets a special meal with a little of something and some kibble. He got a crisscut fry with a little western bacon burger and wolfed that down. I sat in my chair and put in a movie. I haven't been sleeping well at all and I know taking naps can make it worse so I try to make sure I stay awake but with the movie playing I would get 5 or ten second cat naps here and there and after a while I was feeling very peaceful. We used to do just that sometimes while we sat in our chairs side by side. I am tired still but I feel a whole lot better than when I woke up this morning after a couple hours sleep with my heart pounding like I had ran a marathon but no idea why.
I was able to take her out to Branson a couple years ago and we bought season passes at the beginning of last year planning to go again but with all the issues that came up were were unable to go. Even though she could not ride the rides she like to watch the people and see the rides go around. She was dumbfounded watching me ride powder keg and seeing it power launch. We spent Thanksgiving out there that year and she was able to see the lights and go to some of the shows and she just loved it to pieces. She enjoyed seeing the demonstrations and the forge I was able to talk to her about some of the stuff being done because in highschool as a freshman I was able to do some aluminium castings and knew the process. I had hoped to just extend the passes from last year and use them this year but now I don't see the point, I don't want to go alone.
She was such a wonderful woman and I always knew how to get her to crack a smile. Goofy little comments that fit the situation perfectly always seemed to come up when she was very down and I could keep her going. On Thursday I was able to do the same for her daughter as she called hoping that it wasn't true and I spoke with her for a bit. She was crying and near the end I told her to tell her boyfriend that he better hold on to her and keep her safe or I was going to go out there and kick him in the balls. She went from balling to laughing and I was always able to do the same for Shauna.
@Glocktogo I agree and Beautiful Trauma and F*kin Perfect are going to be in there. Even at the end Shauna was PERFECT to me. She is going to be in OKC on the 23rd and I thought about just saying screw it and buying a ticket and take a sign telling her about Shauna. I would give anything to be able to sit down and tell her thank you and how much her music meant to us and how my wife loved her. She and I are the same age...
Just to let everyone know how I am doing. Still on the roller coaster so to speak. Something hit me yesterday and I was having a really tough time and it was still pretty rough today but I pushed through and got stuff done. Stopped by the funeral home and offered my AR as collateral to make sure Shauna would be taken care of. He refused and said he was not worried about it. I know he has costs associated with things and I wanted to make sure that they were covered. We chatted about different stuff for a while some Shauna some not and it helped a lot but I was still feeling like a huge weight was trying to crush me into dust. I talked with Shauna's mom after that for a bit and that both made me cry a little and helped. Got a burger to eat and came home. Made the dog his meal as it was Shauna's little thing that once a day he gets a special meal with a little of something and some kibble. He got a crisscut fry with a little western bacon burger and wolfed that down. I sat in my chair and put in a movie. I haven't been sleeping well at all and I know taking naps can make it worse so I try to make sure I stay awake but with the movie playing I would get 5 or ten second cat naps here and there and after a while I was feeling very peaceful. We used to do just that sometimes while we sat in our chairs side by side. I am tired still but I feel a whole lot better than when I woke up this morning after a couple hours sleep with my heart pounding like I had ran a marathon but no idea why.
All of that is part of the grieving process with someone you dearly love. Everything you do is trying to make Shauna's memory happy as if she were still here. She will always be with you in spirit and you will always be with her in memory. That will never leave you.
Time will be the healer for this and your life will go on with the memories that you two have accumulated.
Grief is a tough road to travel, and the road is not always smooth.
Talk to us if needed and let us help smooth this road out if we can.
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