Rednecks and medical terms

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dennishoddy

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Studies have demonstrated that rednecks have the lowest stress rate because they do not understand most medical terminology ...


Medical Term
Redneck Definition
Artery
The study of paintings

Bacteria
Back door to cafeteria

Barium
What doctors do when patients die

Benign
What you be, after you be eight

Caesarean Section
A neighborhood in Rome

Cat scan
Searching for Kitty

Cauterize
Made eye contact with her

Colic
A sheep dog

Coma
A punctuation mark

Dilate
To live long

Enema
Not a friend

Fester
Quicker than someone else

Fibula
A small lie

Impotent
Distinguished, well known

Labor Pain
Getting hurt at work

Medical Staff
A Doctor's cane

Morbid
A higher offer


Nitrates
Rates of Pay for Working at Night,
Normally more money than Days

Node
I knew it

Outpatient
A person who has fainted

Pelvis
Second cousin to Elvis

Post Operative
A letter carrier

Recovery Room
Place to do upholstery

Rectum
Nearly killed him

Secretion
Hiding something

Seizure
Roman Emperor

Tablet
A small table

Terminal Illness
Getting sick at the airpor

Tumor
One plus one more

Urine
Opposite of you're out
 

Fyrtwuck

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Working dispatch can be fun too.

911: "911, what is your emergency

Caller: "Man, ya'll need to get down here RIGHT NOW!"

911: Sir, what's the problem.

Caller: "Man, I SAID YOU NEED TO GET HERE RIGHT NOW.

911: Sir, we really need to know what wrong.

Caller: GET DOWN HERE, Cleophus done fell out...he need a doctor.

By now the dispatcher is having trouble dispatching the call from all the laughing.
 

Fyrtwuck

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Cleophus done fell out......... omg, I had to laugh

The part of the country I'm originally from (central Alabama) and most of the South, " done fell out" can mean a number of things.

Involuntary exit of a car, truck, boat or plane.
or, "passed out or unconscious" from too much booze, drugs or even from fear or heart attack.
or, collapsed on the ground from laughing too hard.
 

RugersGR8

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You know you're a redneck when......

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their restroom's so clean.
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65mph.
 

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