The Electric fence and The Lawn Mower

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Snattlerake

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The Electric fence and The Lawn Mower


We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.

Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and drove it 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.

One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.

It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.

Time stood still.

The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine.

It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of **** lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

Science says you cannot poop, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just **** your pants 3 times. It seemed like
there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences ... but Dad always had those piece of **** chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.

This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!

Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God please die .... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.

So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day .... he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire ....

I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.

There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.

Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:

1 - Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.

4 - My left eye will not open.

5 - My right eye will not close.

6 - The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.

7 - My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.

8 - I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).


That day changed my life.
I now have a newfound respect for things.
I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.
 

Timmy59

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ROTFLMAO, Thanks for that, Would ya mind posting a picture of the charger / energizer.. I need one and was giving thought to TSCs but I don't recognize their brands.. You actually had tears rolling out of my eyes..
I hope you feel better and learned a little something..
 

kwaynem

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ROTFLMAO, Thanks for that, Would ya mind posting a picture of the charger / energizer.. I need one and was giving thought to TSCs but I don't recognize their brands.. You actually had tears rolling out of my eyes..
I hope you feel better and learned a little something..
 

MacFromOK

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Some of 'em can really pack a jolt. :D

We have an old Sears "weed-burner" (it doesn't just spark, it goes bzzzzzt for about a full second).

Topped off the the goats' water early one morning with a metal bucket, and as I walked away, I casually threw the remaining half-bucket or so out.

Got jarred to my teeth. I literally froze mid-step for a couple seconds, trying to figure out what had happened.

Yep... I'd thrown it on the nearby electric fence, and close enough that the stream of water was briefly continuous.

I was thoroughly awake after that.
:drunk2:
 

ignerntbend

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Pissing on an electrical fence is not that big a deal. I don't recommend it and I never conned any of my town friends to do it...
but it's not that big a deal.
 

MR.T.

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Pissing on an electrical fence is not that big a deal. I don't recommend it and I never conned any of my town friends to do it...
but it's not that big a deal.
I have an uncle that experienced this once.
He said it gave hime quite a tingle & it took several hours for 'jr' to feel normal again.
He don't recommend it either.
 

kwaynem

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There use to be a old cowboy comedian cowcatcher might know the guys name but he talked about watching his dad and friends drinking beer and roping and he was playing with a hotshot when he noticed a trickle of water passing by his feet and he thought to hisself I wonder if I can dry up this little river with my hotshot? So he stuck it in the river and pulled the trigger I can’t remember the excitement that happened next but it ended with a wounded cowboy and a sore rump lol
 

Snattlerake

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ROTFLMAO, Thanks for that, Would ya mind posting a picture of the charger / energizer.. I need one and was giving thought to TSCs but I don't recognize their brands.. You actually had tears rolling out of my eyes..
I hope you feel better and learned a little something..
You think that's funny? Google "roping a deer"
 

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