Funny things said around your house

[Teeeroy]

My 9-yr-old lost a tooth the other day and my wife still likes to do the 'tooth fairy' ritual with him.

Tonight, she asked him (because she knew she forgot to put any money under his pillow) if the tooth fairy came.

He said, "I dunno...lemme check. Nooo," he yells from the bedroom.

My wife says, "Aww...he must've been really busy."

"Oh, what-ev-er," he said with that prepubescent tone. "Too busy watching American Idol. I know you and Daddy are the tooth fairy."

At least that bubble was burst with laughter.

 

[elcaBob]

My wife is pregnant and we have a daily ritual. When I walk in the house each day after work, I say "woman.. are you wearin' shoes??!!" she says "shutup and bring me something yummy and expensive".

 

[glock girl]

"Can I butt-stroke your wife?"

 

[Stillhunter]

Wife: You taking this box of Rice Crispies on your hunting trip too?
Me: No you're making me some Rice Crispy Treats to take on my hunting trip.

 

[LightningCrash]

In-law: "What did you ever do before you had your kids?"
Husband: "Well, we practiced."

 

[Roadking Larry]

Wife: I love you.
Me: I know.

Wife: where is the TV remote?
Me: If it was up your butt you'd know.
Wife: I'd have a right to know.

 

[ThaMastaChief]

We have tons of 'repeatables' over here.

The ones I hear the most...

him: 'you are so hot, I can't believe I'm married to u.'' (awww.....)

him: ''Go put some clothes on....you can't just walk around here like that, look what you do to me!''

(and much more I can't say on here.

 

[LightningCrash]

Wife: You know what we need?
Me: A tank!
Wife: What? No, we need maple syrup.

 

[Mongoose1]

My dad's favorite thing to say to us in high school before a date:

"If you're not in bed by 10, come on home."

It was usually followed by mom smacking him on the arm.

 

[ThaMastaChief]

My dad's favorite thing to say to us in high school before a date:

"If you're not in bed by 10, come on home."

It was usually followed by mom smacking him on the arm.

Heh, I like your dad.