Mean Jokes

[murphranch]

Was in a fraternity house and our pledges took a sneak to New Orleans for a week. We shot a deer and disassembled it into about 40 pieces and stashed it all over the pledge wing. It got ripe after 4 or 5 days. When they came back we made them find every piece and reassemble it.
Had a roommate one semester in the frat house that took 6:30 morning classes every f@#!ing morning. He was a "pretty boy" who had a nice head of 80's hair. He would get up every morning at 5, turn on the lights and being loud as hell to shower and fix himself up. He used a hair dryer and lots of "product" on his magnificent mop of hair. He would even ATTEMPT to play his electric guitar some mornings. Being that I was usually a bit hungover I finally snapped one night. I dumped a couple of packs of powdered hot chocolate into his diffuser thingy on his hair dryer, put some 2 stroke oil in his hair gel and took all the strings off his guitar. We came to a mutual agreement that morning.
What's crazy is that 31 years later and 5 states away we still call each other at least once a month.

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[rockchalk06]

At my old PD, we had this unisex single stall bathroom right around the corner of dispatch. Door didn't lock and when you were dropping the Browns off, you could hear everything with the paper thin walls.

We used to keep a drawer full of the bottle rockets the officers would take from the kids in town.

0300, slow night, I hear my Sgt. walk in and start singing while doing his business. I broke a stick off of said bottle rocket. Lit said bottle rocket. Opened the door, tossed said bottle rocket into the stall and hauled ass back into dispatch. You would have that Little Richard was in that bathroom. My Sgt. came running out with a giant hole in the bottom of his drawers!

Seems in my frantic light and toss not wanting to blow my hand off, I channeled my inner Jordan and it landed right in the pants/undies area.

I got yelled at a little and threated with bodily harm, but the worst part was they stole my stash of ammo.

 

[RickN]

Working construction and at breaktime we would all sit around on empty buckets and stuff. Well if you put a little turpentine on the sitting part of the buckets you can get a pretty good reaction. Shavings from a green persimmon mixed in with a guys chewing tobacco can be fun too.

 

[John6185]

When I was stationed at Zaragoza AB Spain, we had someone from the base radio station ask us if we had someone we could nominate for "Person of The Day." Well, we decided Joe was the guy and we made up a lot of false info on him, he was studying for his Masters degree, teaching girl scouts first aid and a whole lot of other fake info. This Person of The Day was broadcast every day at 1600 on Armed Forces Radio. When he heard of what we done and his friends complimenting him on all the good he did, he was not just embarrassed but mad. So we said we'd make it right and have the correct information broadcast. So we went to County Cal at the Zaragoza radio station and had hm do a blurb on a cassette. It said, that Joe wasn't really studying for his Masters but had a good start of his GED, he really wasn't teaching girl Scouts first aid but loved to eat Brownies etc, etc. As I said, every day at 1600. So at 1600 hrs he was walking into the office and we had a cassette player and put it on and he thought it was broadcast all over the base and he was hanging his head and holding his face in his hands in shame. We all laughed at him and told him what we'd done and he was relieved and actually asked for the cassette which we gave him. I've never forgotten that joke and in the military we did many more good and bad. One time this guy had a a sort of OD colored Nissan station wagon and we went to shipping and crating and stenciled out "For Unofficial Use Only" and placed it on the doors of his car and smeared paste wax over the stencil and removed it. For Unofficial Use Only was perfect! He thought we painted it on and was upset but when we told him it was wax he laughed and later told us his friends always commented on the stencil work. Then there is the time sis-in-law came over because they lost power due to an ice storm and she was taking a shower and I would go out in the garage and shut off the hot water momentarily...you should have heard the screams!

 

[amcardon]

Any of you hear about the cow in the apartment in Idaho about 20 years ago? I also found out that year that there was a website where you selected the number of participants and you could print out a "task sheet" for each person on how to quickly disassemble and reassemble a vw beetle... in case you ever needed to rapidly and quietly build one inside somebody else's apartment while they slept.

 

[audiophile]

When I was in vo-tech, we had a girl bring her dad's diesel Olds in for some work. We told her it was most likely the spark plugs. Watched her for at least 40 mins until the instructor intervened...........

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[Oklahomabassin]

Pulling all of the labels off the canned food.
Filling a shower head with kool aid.
A couple things a friend did.

 

[Gunbuffer]

it had to do with a hotel party back in college, a passed out buddy who was a mean drunk, and a sharpie.
we gave him so much body art, it was incredible, but the coup de Grace was a big arrow from his elbow to his shoulder, pointing at his head, and the coarse translation of "Richard Cranium" written in large letters on his forearm

 

[swampratt]

"Richard Cranium"

That made me laugh out loud

 

[SDarkRage]

I went to high school with a guy named Richard Head, Jr.

Y’all can probably guess his nickname. His dad had a since of humor.