Help me proof this article guys

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3inSlugger

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Here is the text of my next column...the subject is easily guessed.
I'm gonna send this in soon, so I don't have a lot of time.
Please suggest anything you wish (grammar or content), but be aware I'm already slightly oversize and can't add anything without removing something else.
And please don't be offended if I don't use a suggestion (though I welcome all suggestions).
...................
I’ve been paying very close attention to the Second Amendment debate raging in the public forum across this nation recently. There seems to be a commonality in all the discussion and debates emanating from the control side. That commonality is the lack of actual facts, statistics, and meaningful thought in the arguments.
English pundit Piers Morgan likes to bring up that AR-15s were used in Clackamas, Aurora and Sandy Hook. While he is correct, he infers that AR-15s are the weapon of choice for mass murderers. Not so, Thomas Hamilton, the perpetrator of the infamous 1996 Dunblane massacre in England (which prompted the UK’s very restrictive rifle and pistol ban) only used pistols, half of which were 6-shot revolvers. Seung-Hui Cho, the perpetrator of the Virginia Tech massacre, never used any long arm either.
Charles Whitman, a former Marine, killed 14 people from a bell tower at the University of Texas in 1966 with a Remington 700 deer rifle. I have that same hunting rifle at home. Timothy McVeigh, using common products easily found, blew up the Murrah Building and killed over 100 people in Oklahoma City. In Apeldoorn, Netherlands, a Dutchman killed 5 people by plowing his car into a parade at high speed. None of these cowards used AR-15s, AK-47s, rifle magazines holding 10 or more rounds, or any sort of scary tactical features currently included in Feinstein's ban.
Furthermore, it can be seen that, from FBI crime statistics, that rifles account for only 2.7% of total murders in the US from 2007 to 2011. Since the FBI doesn’t further breakdown the type of rifle used, it cannot be known how many of the rifles used were semi-automatic or similar to an AR-15, but it can be safely assumed that not all of them were.
More striking is the fact that more people were killed with blunt objects alone, knives alone, or personal weapons alone (defined as feet, hands, etc) than by rifles between 2007 and 2011. These statistics do not come from the NRA, but from the FBI. It cannot be claimed that the statistics are biased.
It is ridiculous, as Morgan, and many others suggest, to severely regulate or ban millions of pieces of property owned by millions of law-abiding Americans just because two or three psychopathic cowards used them in recent events.
As the amount of firearms has increased and the number of firearm laws decreased in the past years, FBI stats show that the total number of murders has declined (by 15% from 2007 to 2011). What has increased, however, has been the perception of the frequency of gun crime as portrayed by media and political figures.
There has been an appearance of an increase in gun crime, while, in reality, it has been declining. More and more attention has been paid to AR-15s and mass murderers. This attention further encourages the psychopathic killers to become dark celebrities and shows them exactly what the “popular” weapon to use is.
Not every knife, blunt object, or handgun murder is reported in the national news, but now the rare AR-15 crimes will politicized at every opportunity. Public perception is easily manipulated. Fortunately, the truth is not.
 

Dale00

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It is ridiculous, as Morgan, and many others suggest, to severely regulate or ban millions of pieces of property owned by millions of law-abiding Americans just because two or three psychopathic cowards used them in recent events.

Suggested change: It is wrongheaded to restrict the right of law abiding citizens to own this firearm. The statistics do not show AR-15s as being a problem. Rather we should be looking toward our mental health laws.

There has been an appearance of an increase in gun crime, while, in reality, it has been declining.
Suggested change: Gun crime has been declining. It is the constant drum beating by the media that should be scrutinized.
 

toehanus

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In general, I would not use the phrase "gun crime". Rather, I would suggest saying "crimes committed with a firearm" or "persons who committed a crime using a firearm". Use vocabulary that obviously puts he responsibility on the person rather than the instrument.

@toehanus
 

pak-40

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"In general, I would not use the phrase "gun crime". Rather, I would suggest saying "crimes committed with a firearm" or "persons who committed a crime using a firearm". Use vocabulary that obviously puts he responsibility on the person rather than the instrument."


I like this from above. However, as much empasis as possible must be put on the PERSON and not the gun.
try:
"persons RESPONSIBLE for commiting crimes INVOLVING a firearm"
 

Sticky Stokes

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Nice article,

I would change:

"Furthermore, it can be seen that, from FBI crime statistics, that rifles account for only 2.7% of total murders in the US from 2007 to 2011."

to read

Furthermore, according to FBI crime statistics, rifles account for only 2.7% of total murders in the US from 2007 to 2011.

and

This attention further encourages the psychopathic killers to become dark celebrities and shows them exactly what the “popular” weapon to use is.

to

This attention further encourages the psychopathic killers to become dark celebrities and informs and encourages them to use the “popular” weapon.


you need to insert the word "be" in this sentence below
Not every knife, blunt object, or handgun murder is reported in the national news, but now the rare AR-15 crimes will be politicized at every opportunity.
 

dutchwrangler

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If you want an idea for a future article, consider the difference between "arms" (protected by the 2A) vs "firearms" (not mentioned in the 2A and thus not protected).

I recently sent an email to my representative Jon Echols (OK District 90) pointing out that "arms" and "firearms" are not the same. He replied he had never viewed the 2A issue from that angle. By replacing proposed legislation that uses "firearm" with the rightful and proper term "arms", it takes on a completely different connotation. He agreed with me.
 

ignerntbend

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If you want an idea for a future article, consider the difference between "arms" (protected by the 2A) vs "firearms" (not mentioned in the 2A and thus not protected).

I recently sent an email to my representative Jon Echols (OK District 90) pointing out that "arms" and "firearms" are not the same. He replied he had never viewed the 2A issue from that angle. By replacing proposed legislation that uses "firearm" with the rightful and proper term "arms", it takes on a completely different connotation. He agreed with me.

But if firearms aren't arms, then what are arms? We're getting pretty deep in the weeds here. Many people would argue that Nature's god provided everyone with arms. Two of them. One on either side of the torso. Something to think about.
 

okiebryan

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Any time you are trying to say that something is in excess of a certain number, you don't say "over 100,000". Over is a preposition that denotes physical position that is superior to that of another thing. What you always need to say is "in excess of 100,000" or "more than". English comp 2 on college cured me of that Okie habit.

When talking about the murrah bombing, why not use the actual number? 168 died.

You also cannot say "as the amount of firearms"... firearms are something you count, not something you measure, like milk or sugar. It's correct to refer to "the number of firearms"
 

ExSniper

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The gun control advocates are pushing to ban assualt weapons and high capacity magazines. Why not emphasize that the dramatic increase in the number of these type weapons has happened concurrently with a dramitc DECREASE in the total number of murders. This is the basic flaw of all gun control arguments and the easiest to expose.
 

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