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The Water Cooler
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I have a female friend who is in trouble...
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<blockquote data-quote="tRidiot" data-source="post: 3003702" data-attributes="member: 9374"><p>I'm aware of many of the things mentioned above... I am continuing to talk to her, and she is saying the right things, says she is going to cut him off, get things under control, I counseled her about the laws above (thanks [USER=13624]@Dave70968[/USER] !) and we realized she DOES have enough for a VPO, if I can only get her to once and for all finally put her foot down and tell him never to contact her in any way again and then STICK to it.</p><p></p><p>In the past, she has been afraid to totally "block" him, because he has threatened to come over and she doesn't want to not know what he is saying to her - i.e., "If you're not going to answer me, I am coming over right now," or, "I am sitting in the parking lot outside," etc. I told her that is fine, because simply him continuing to initiate contact when she has made it clear and unambiguous she wishes him to never contact her in any way again, she will have a record of those messages. She is coming around, and she says she is tired of living in fear of the next episode, of when the other shoe will drop, etc. I have warned her about the firearm thing, she knows if she carries it, she has to be willing 100% to use it to protect her life. She is willing to consider it.</p><p></p><p>I told her she needs to get f***ing MAD and she will stop being so afraid. Getting training, cutting him off, filing a police report and obtaining a VPO, getting video surveillance (this is in the works, apparently), carrying pepper spray, carrying a taser, being vigilant of her surroundings, etc... and sticking to her guns.</p><p></p><p>These are all things I have discussed with her.</p><p></p><p>And I told her I didn't want to help her son pick out her headstone. She kinda got a bit freaked out by that. Which is good.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for all the advice. We all know how this could end, and we all know she has to make the decision to do these things herself. She was married for over 20 years to another verbally and mentally abusive and HIGHLY controlling man who was the sole breadwinner and controlled everything while she was June Cleaver - like, fo' realz. And for all that time, he denigrated her, told her how fat and ugly and stupid and undesirable she was, how she was such a horrible wife, no one would ever want her for anything, etc. Those things are hard to get out of your head after 20 years. So now she is single, finally, and trying to learn on her own how to get by in this world - and it's a tough learning curve. And she's already moved once to try to get away from the hometown that became such an alien place to her after her divorce - all the lost friends and social circles, etc. She is considering moving again, but that may be a little while away yet.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="tRidiot, post: 3003702, member: 9374"] I'm aware of many of the things mentioned above... I am continuing to talk to her, and she is saying the right things, says she is going to cut him off, get things under control, I counseled her about the laws above (thanks [USER=13624]@Dave70968[/USER] !) and we realized she DOES have enough for a VPO, if I can only get her to once and for all finally put her foot down and tell him never to contact her in any way again and then STICK to it. In the past, she has been afraid to totally "block" him, because he has threatened to come over and she doesn't want to not know what he is saying to her - i.e., "If you're not going to answer me, I am coming over right now," or, "I am sitting in the parking lot outside," etc. I told her that is fine, because simply him continuing to initiate contact when she has made it clear and unambiguous she wishes him to never contact her in any way again, she will have a record of those messages. She is coming around, and she says she is tired of living in fear of the next episode, of when the other shoe will drop, etc. I have warned her about the firearm thing, she knows if she carries it, she has to be willing 100% to use it to protect her life. She is willing to consider it. I told her she needs to get f***ing MAD and she will stop being so afraid. Getting training, cutting him off, filing a police report and obtaining a VPO, getting video surveillance (this is in the works, apparently), carrying pepper spray, carrying a taser, being vigilant of her surroundings, etc... and sticking to her guns. These are all things I have discussed with her. And I told her I didn't want to help her son pick out her headstone. She kinda got a bit freaked out by that. Which is good. Thanks for all the advice. We all know how this could end, and we all know she has to make the decision to do these things herself. She was married for over 20 years to another verbally and mentally abusive and HIGHLY controlling man who was the sole breadwinner and controlled everything while she was June Cleaver - like, fo' realz. And for all that time, he denigrated her, told her how fat and ugly and stupid and undesirable she was, how she was such a horrible wife, no one would ever want her for anything, etc. Those things are hard to get out of your head after 20 years. So now she is single, finally, and trying to learn on her own how to get by in this world - and it's a tough learning curve. And she's already moved once to try to get away from the hometown that became such an alien place to her after her divorce - all the lost friends and social circles, etc. She is considering moving again, but that may be a little while away yet. [/QUOTE]
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