My wife looked up from reading something on her iPhone and said with a straight face, "Honey, never raw dog a random."
I married a saint this time. She puts up with all my bad jokes.
At the grocery buying some milk: Sacker, "Like a bag for that?"
Me pointing at wife, "No I brought my own."
At the grocery again and the wife just threatened me for some smart a$$ comment I made. I say more then loud enough for everyone on the isle to hear, "please don't beat me anymore, I will be good!!!"
She works days while I work nights, and if she has had a really rough day I tuck her into bed. One night after watching Big Bang Theory I reach under the covers and start stroking her while singing, "Soft Kitty, warm kitty" She was laughing to hard to hit me.
Years ago when we were young and still at home a relative or close friends to my folks would show up at our house unexpectively my father would say 'Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit--Look who's here.'
Last time we were there I could have sworn I heard her muttering something to herself about putting a better lock on the outside of that closet door.
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