What to do about a friend that won't call me back

[MR.T.]

I'll try to make this as short as I can. I have a long time friend (al least for 16 years) that works at a trade school teaching auto mechanics. (Automotive Technology)
I've taken him some projects over the last several years. I don't have to pay any labor costs, just parts. And I have been pleased or satisfied with the work that was done in the past.
The latest project, a 91 Dodge pickup that the computer went completely out on it. This was the second time that this happened in less than 3 years. This time around, I said screw the computer, we are going old school on it. I already had all the parts. I took in a new intake, fuel pressure regulator, carburetor, ignition system, and everything else needed to do the job.
He tried to talk me into getting the computer rebuilt. I looked into that, but the company said they would not honor any warranty when they learned that it had already been rebuilt once before.
Long story shorter, the students kept screwing things up, breaking other things, or having to redo something 2 or 3 times and I was told near the end of the school year last year (after some prodding as to why I hadn't heard any news on my pickups) that the students were getting "not interested" in working on it anymore. They had the vehicle in their shop for 6 months. I told him I was getting concerned (and fed-up) and that I would come get the vehicle and take it home and do it myself and get it done right.
3 days later I went to get my pickup and of course my friend isn't there that day. Nothing worked on my pickup. There was more wrong with it when I took it home than when I dropped it off.
It took me 3 weeks time, about 18 hours total working on it in the evenings to fix what they did and do what they didn't and I had my pickup running and driving. This was 5 months ago. I didn't try to call my friend during the first month, cause I was still kinda upset about the whole situation. I was kinda hoping he would call me sometime during the summer.
I have tried to get in touch with him by calling and texting over the last 7 weeks. About a dozen text messages and 30 phone calls. He won't answer or call me back or even message me back.
My wife says I shouldn't go show up at his house to talk to him. Not yet anyway. I'm not angry or anything at him, I just want to clear the air, let the water go under the bridge, go back to the way things were when we would go to car shows together, to the races, talk cars, etc.
Wondering what I should do. Give him more time to get over whatever he needs to get over, contact his wife and ask her if she knows "what's up", show up at the end of the school day and catch him before he goes home from work?

 

[John6185]

Your friend is probably embarrassed and ashamed of what happened and can't bear to be around you. But you need to do the right thing and meet with him and make things right between you. Remember, he was and still is your friend and a good friend is hard to come by these days. Be humble when you meet with him and ask him to forgive you also even though you are completely guiltless.

 

[Shinneryfarmer]

^^^^^^^^^^ This, What John6185 said. From personal experience, I just reconnected with a close friend of 40 yrs we did everything together. Don't really know what happened between us but we just quit associating. I actually called him by mistake and when he answered I was shocked, then we agreed to meet for lunch. It's been like old times all over again, neither one of us remember what the beef was about.

 

[retrieverman]

It sounds to me like the olive branch has been extended, and the guy doesn’t want to accept it. If it were me, I’d leave the ball in his court and quit bugging him.

 

[GlockPride]

Sometimes you just have to walk away. I’ve had this happen to me several times over the years. People often come into your life and then out of it. Their choosing and not much you can do with it other than try. But don’t be a stalker, he knows that you’ve reached out. The rest, is up to him.

 

[4play]

That project involves some of the basic fundamentals of automotive repair but it is far from the scope of teaching kids "automotive technology". This guy has a curriculum to teach, and I doubt there is very much time for a project like this too. The time you spent on it is probably a fraction of the time it would take to teach a bunch of kids to do it. This kind of work is on the far end of the spectrum of what is being taught in basic automotive classes. They typically learn how to diagnose and repair modern vehicles, not circumvent engine management systems, or disable and modify them. Honestly if I was the instructor, I wouldn't take a job like that, probably wouldn't take it at a shop either unless I was going hungry.

I would probably let things settle for a few months minimum. Like mentioned, he's probably embarrassed and felt like he's let you down. I doubt he even has students who he could trust to turn loose on it, let alone have time to dedicate to it.

 

[El Pablo]

Apologize, meant it, then move on. If they want to contact you they will.

Getting mad because kids, that are learning, screwed up, that’s on you.

 

[GeneW]

This is actually some really good advice for anyone living life and such.
Best wishes to you.

Just Let them.
If they want to choose something or someone over you, LET THEM.
If they want to go weeks without talking to you, LET THEM.
If they are okay with never seeing you, LET THEM.
If they are okay with always putting themselves first, LET THEM.
If they are showing you who they are and not what you perceived them to be, LET THEM.
If they want to follow the crowd, LET THEM.
If they want to judge or misunderstand you, LET THEM.
If they act like they can live without you, LET THEM.
If they want to walk out of your life and leave, hold the door open, AND LET THEM.

Let them lose you.
You were never theirs because you were always your own.
So let them.

 

[saddlebum]

when you get something for free it's probably going to be worth what you paid for it.

 

[Pstmstr]

I lost a good friend over the 2016 election. I've reached out several times and left several messages. They know I'm here if they would like to contact me. He knows you are too.