Cutting out negativity in the form of friends and family

[Glock 'em down]

I pissed off my oldest brother and his wife about 10 years ago and we haven't had a family holiday get together since. They are the oldest with the first born grandkid, the only grandson and the youngest grandkid. Get the picture? So yeah, they are kinda like the ramrods of the family. Mom does basically what my SIL thinks is best. Hell, I haven't even spoken to them in 10+ years and they only live about 10 miles away from me. I actually kinda like it this way. I've never really had anything in common with those people anyway.

If I see them together in Walmart, he and I will walk past each other and say a simple "hey" or "how ya doin'" like you would a total stranger and keep walking. Sometimes we won't even speak, we'll just give each other that "I acknowledge you" nod and keep going. His wife even goes as far as to literally turn around and go the other way when she sees me coming. Yeah, she hates me that much.

The middle brother and his wife get along with me okay but he never calls me and I never call him. We'll see each other in Walmart or something every now and then. We'll grunt and laugh for about 15 minutes and then we part ways. No big. They don't have any kids and they have been going to South Padre at the holidays for the past 15 years or so. I never used to understand why they did that, until...

I call my folks about every 2 weeks or so to see how they are and I go physically see them about 2-3 times a year. That's plenty.

 

[RidgeHunter]

Thanks for all the stories and advice, guys. I've thought about it a bit with a flyrod in my hand and a cheap cigar in my mouth and it's all laughable to me. I think I have a good plan going forward. Everyone gets to start their new holiday traditions when they have kids. I don't see why I should be excluded from that right just because I'm choosing not to have kids.

If worse comes to worse and I'm gulited into the big Christmas gathering, it's only one day. My appearance will be short and anything directed towards me, my mom, or my girlfriend will be dealt with immediately and I will leave. All the other holidays and events I won't even consider attending if my aunt/uncle's clans are there.

The hardest one is my sister. I had to stop seeing her friends, and I have to restructure my relationship with her. I still want to talk to her and see her often, but only about 'light' stuff. I can't get sucked into this again. I just hope I can make this transition tactfully without upsetting her too much. The extended family - I'm completely done with them and could care less how they feel about it. My sister I care about, don't want to hurt, and I hope she understands eventually.

Hell my dad lives ten miles from his sister and he hasn't spoken to her since the mid 90s. She has some issues on the schizo spectrum and she is a recluse who refuses treatment. She called him screaming in about 1997 and he just hung up. About 5 years ago she dropped a hateful manifesto in his mailbox. His parents are a little off, too. Buncha mental illness on the Irish side dating back many generations.

I can't use my girlfriend as a holiday excuse because she has no family, really. Abuse, drugs, alcohol, suicide, child abandonment...

...and people look at us like we're weird because we don't want kids. I'm really glad all these people had kids they fawked up, abused, and abandoned. Most people in my family, and most people I know, should have spent as much time researching contraception as I have. Most had no business having kids or even getting married. My girlfriend and I are crazy, we know it, we have no idea if we'll be able to stay together forever even though we want to...but we know damn sure we'll never make a child we can't afford and don't want. I feel like we deserve a medal. From social workers, cops, taxpayers, etc.

 

[bettingpython]

RH - they say blood is thicker than water . . .

That saying posted is horribly bastardized and skewed and is also patently false. I used the correct version of the saying in my post, perhaps you missed it so here is the original saying.

"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."