Humor in Uniform

[Snattlerake]

Remember Reader's Digest and their little one page vignettes?

How about something military related you did, saw, or heard about that was funny. Maybe it wasn't at the time but is now?

While at Fort Sill I was riding with my MP's as SDO, Staff Duty Officer. We saw a helicopter rise from the airstrip, fly over to the officer's housing area and land in a back yard.
The next thing I saw was a woman running out to the chopper with a paper sack. She kissed the pilot and ran back to the house. The chopper then lifted up and sped away.

 

[aarondhgraham]

After 8 years in the USAF doing a real live "see the world" job,,,
I have so many funny anecdotes I could fill five pages.

But not very many of them are currently socially acceptable.

Military duty in Asian countries in the 70's,,,
Was a far different thing than it is now.

Dang but I miss Mama Kim's GI Haven.

Aarond

.

 

[CutBaitNBlowSh*tUp4ALivin]

This is almost completely unrelated to your thread but there's a Desert Storm painted Expedition across the street right now.
It's humourous and it's "in uniform"

 

[RickN]

I once saw a Coast Guard helo set down in a McDonalds parking lot and an E-3 run in and get them all lunch. This was back in the 70s in Hawaii.

 

[ratski]

Similar to the chopper story above.
Was on an FTX near the DMZ in Korea. 14 days of straight rain and mud.
Short break in the clouds, so I was out of the tent soaking up some rays.
Blackhawk starts hovering over the bivouac site, and sets down.
Crew member jumps out of the cabin with what appeared to be several dry cleaning bags with BDUs in them.
Ran them to the HQ and then back to the chopper.
Next time I saw the site CO, he was in clean, dry and pressed BDUs.

 

[Chief Sapulpa]

HOW TO SIMULATE THE LIFE OF A SAILOR
(In case you have forgotten!)

• Buy a steel dumpster, paint it gray inside and out, and live in it for six months.

• Run all the pipes and wires in your house exposed on the walls.

• Repaint your entire house every month.

• Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of the bathtub and move the shower to chest level.
When you take showers, make sure you turn off the water while you soap down.

• Raise the thresholds and lower the headers of your front and back doors so that you either trip or bang your head every time you
pass through them.

• Disassemble and inspect your lawnmower every week.

• On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, turn your water heater temperature up to 200 degrees.
On Tuesdays and Thursdays, turn the water heater off.
On Saturdays and Sundays tell your family they use too much water during the week, so no bathing will be allowed.

• Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling, so you can't turn over without getting out and then getting back in.

• Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain.
Have your spouse whip open the curtain about 3 hours after you go to sleep, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and say "Sorry, wrong rack."

• Make your family qualify to operate each appliance in your house dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc.

• Have your neighbor come over each day at 5 am, blow a whistle loudly and shout "Reveille, reveille, all hands heave out and trice up."

• Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do the following day, then have her make you stand in your backyard
at 6 am while she reads it to you.

• Submit a request chit to your father-in-law requesting permission to leave your house before 3 p.m..

• Empty all the garbage bins in your house and sweep the driveway three times a day, whether it needs it or not.

• Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item before delivering it to you.

• Watch no TV except for movies played in the middle of the night. Have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a
different one.

• Make your family menu a week ahead of time without consulting the pantry or refrigerator.

• Post a menu on the kitchen door informing your family that they are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for an hour.
When they finally get to the kitchen, tell them you are out of steak, but they can have dried ham or hot dogs.
Repeat daily until they ignore the menu and just ask for hot dogs.

• Bake a cake. Prop up one side of the pan so the cake bakes unevenly. Spread icing real thick to level it off.

• Get up every night around midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread. (mid-rats)

• Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. At the alarm, jump up and dress as fast as you can, making sure to
button your top shirt button and tuck your pants into your socks. Run out into the backyard and uncoil the garden hose.

• Every week or so, throw your dog in the pool and shout, "Man overboard port side!" Rate your family members on how fast they respond.

• Put the headphones from your stereo on your head, but don't plug them in. Hang a paper cup around your neck on a string.
Stand in front of the stove, and speak into the paper cup "Stove manned and ready." After an hour or so, speak into the cup
again "Stove secured." Roll up the headphones and paper cup and stow them in a shoebox.

• Place a podium at the end of your driveway. Have your family stand watches at the podium, rotating at 4 hour intervals.
This is best done when the weather is worst. January is a good time.

• When there is a thunderstorm in your area, get a wobbly rocking chair, sit in it and rock as hard as you can until you become nauseous.
Make sure to have a supply of stale crackers in your shirt pocket.
• Make coffee using eighteen scoops of budget priced coffee grounds per pot, and allow the pot to simmer for 5 hours before drinking.

• Have someone under the age of ten give you a haircut with sheep shears.

• Sew the back pockets of your jeans on the front.

• Lock yourself and your family in the house for six weeks. Tell them that at the end of the 6th week you are going to take them to
Disney World for "liberty." At the end of the 6th week, inform them the trip to Disney World has been canceled because they need
to get ready for an inspection, and it will be another week before they can leave the house.

 

[SoonerP226]

My grandma had a collection of Reader’s Digests, and I read them all while staying there. I remember one Humor In Uniform story from an Army MP in Vietnam. He said the Marines had been robbing them blind when visiting the supply depot on the base, so they started scrutinizing everything on the truck when Marines were leaving the base.

One time, they checked every last thing on the truck against the Marines’ requisition forms, and it all matched, right down to the serial numbers. A few minutes after the Marines left, they got the call about what they’d stolen, and it turned out to be the one thing they hadn’t checked—the truck itself.

 

[264killer]

In a 105 howitzer battery moving the gun. It was easier to move with a man hanging on the barrel for counter balance. Sargent says alright Maine over the barrel we all watched as he crawled up on the barrel & down on the other side. There was a roar of laughter.

 

[GeneW]

OH gosh, I'd forgotten that. I used to have a subscription to Readers Digest, as well as reading the issues my parents provided me to read as soon as I learned how to read, lol. Humor In Uniform was my favorite section.

(Not to take this topic in a different direction, but did anyone else, and I'm sure there are plenty here who do, have a subscription to TV Guide? }

 

[DavidMcmillan]

It’s been several years now, so I don’t know if it still happens, but it used to be quite common, during summer camp season, to see helos land at a bar-b-cue place near Stilwell. I think it was White Horse bar-b-cue or something like that. I have a friend that was the commander at the Lexington operation that claims to have been the instigator of a few of those meals.