Humor in Uniform

[Snattlerake]

I, as a young Lt, was tasked with counting the grenades with a junior NCO and a private. I was watching the two underlings and the counts were coming up correct until the last crate when the NCO raised his hand, his finger wearing a grenade pin. He calmly said, "Lt, I think we are short one grenade."

 

[DavidMcmillan]

Grenades are often the subject of humor in uniform. Why back in 1970, BCT at Ft. Polk, LA, we were on the grenade range for the first time. We all threw all the practice pieces and it was time for “live fire”. We had this tall, skinny black kid that first on the line. He was visibly shaking, scared beyond reason. He heaved back and threw that thing farther then, I’m sure, anything he had ever thrown in his life. Naturally, we all had a good time with him later.

 

[ICanFixIt]

We were in the back of a deuce and a half, watching an e-4 walking down the sidewalk with a laundry bag over his right shoulder. He was meeting a captain walking the other direction. When they met, the e4 saluted smartly and said, "Good morning, sir." The captain returned the salute, walked a few more steps, stopped, turned around and gave the e4 a really funny look. Did he really salute with his left hand???? All of us in the truck were about to bust a gut laughing. I guess it ended up, no harm, no foul.

 

[RickN]

I forgot one.

While in the CG I split the end of my middle finger, bone and all in a karate tournament. (yea I lost) Anyway middle finger of my right hand is in a white bandage and a splint looking thing and I could not bend it. Morning calisthenics and we are all jogging around in formation and when we go past another formation we are suppose to raise our fist and kind of roar at them. (don't ask me why, it was the Coast Guard not the Marines) First time I raised my first with my big ole white finger sticking up in the air they decided maybe I shouldn't do it.

I did get the corpsman to bend the splint enough I could hook a beer mug.

 

[RETOKSQUID]

I, as a young Lt, was tasked with counting the grenades with a junior NCO and a private. I was watching the two underlings and the counts were coming up correct until the last crate when the NCO raised his hand, his finger wearing a grenade pin. He calmly said, "Lt, I think we are short one grenade."

And that folks is what we call an Unassing the Area of Operations drill!

 

[Snattlerake]

And that folks is what we call an Unassing the Area of Operations drill!

And at the same time immediately stopped the long time tradition of a pulled grenade pin in your fatigue blouse symbolizing you are a short timer and ready to "pull the pin."

 

[Jason Freeland]

When going through the gas chamber at Ft Knox, they wanted us to say "my eyes are open and my arms are flapping" as we came out. This was to signify that we were trying to get the CS gas out of our eyes and off our clothes, but I really think it was just more torture. Anyway the guy in front of me yelled "my eyes are flapping and my arms are open Drill Sergeant!" as he came out and I had to try and laugh and cough my way through my chant of it.

My brother told me about one thing he and a group of fellow soldiers did to a german couple one time around Heilbron. They were out on patrol during an exercise, loaded with blanks (he as a 11B assigned as a Pershing 2 guard). They came up on a Volkswagen parked in the forest with fogged up windows rocking away. They all surrounded the car and started yelling while firing their blanks, and suddenly these butt cheeks appeared in the back window. He guessed that one person was working the pedals from the floor board, while another worked the steering wheel and gears from the back as they sped away.

 

[1911DA]

Years ago while eating bbq at WILD HORSE BBQ south of Sallisaw a Huey chopper landed behind the bbq owners house across the highway and the crew came in and ordered their meal. When they sat down at the table next to us my buddy broke out laughing his butt off. They were from the Arkansas Air Guard. Owner said it happened quite often after they left.

 

[RETOKSQUID]

Speaking of young impressionable LTs. While on a deployment to the sand box it was my turn to watch the LT while in the local town.

Being somewhat new to the Army he was trying to decide just what his "image for the troops" would be, and I, being a faithful member of the sham shield mafia couldn't in good faith, allow this poor soul to struggle with such an important task on his own .

Walking past a Tobacco shop it dawns on me (as he was a smoker). LT, I say, what you need is a Tobacco Pipe! Question is which one. Puzzled he looks at me and says "shouldn't I smoke cigars instead?". No Sir! Cigars are an NCO thing!

You see, there's a deep traditional culture of Tobacco use in the military, and it has levels just like everything else. Think about it LT, you always see us Enlisted guys with cigarettes, dip, or chaw. You ever see Tops, or any of the Platoon Sargents without a cigar? Nah, you definitely need a pipe, all the greatest Officers had them! MacArthur, Grant, Burke, Puller, hell, even Patton smoked a pipe! (Was really laying it on thick at this point).

Sooooo, after what seemed like an eternity I found it! The gawdiest Calabash Pipe ever made by man. Oh my God! This is it, this is the one you need LT. (At this point I had the shop owner and other customers in on it.) It says you are a thinking man's man, sophisticated, educated, and driven. Others will value your advice because they will know the amount of thought you have put into it. In short, respect.

Fast forward a few days you find yours truly getting an ear full from the Platoon Sargent (as I'm on **** burning detail) because the! GD LT is smoking up the whole ****ing area with that mother ****ing pipe and nasty ass tobacco!

 

[DavidMcmillan]

Years ago while eating bbq at WILD HORSE BBQ south of Sallisaw a Huey chopper landed behind the bbq owners house across the highway and the crew came in and ordered their meal. When they sat down at the table next to us my buddy broke out laughing his butt off. They were from the Arkansas Air Guard. Owner said it happened quite often after they left.

That’s the place I was thinking of. Sallisaw, not Stilwell.