The Personal Side To A Tragedy.

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.


Supporting Member
Special Hen Supporter
Apr 14, 2010
Reaction score
Oklahoma City
Some of you may be aware of the recent police action in Muskogee where two teenagers were involved in stealing a truck, a police chase and shooting. Officers returned fire, killing one subject and the other one took his own life.

Now the rest of the story... (a long read, but well worth the time)

The following is a news report from Channel 6 in Tulsa, followed by FB posting by the father as a "letter to my daughter" Incidentally, the father is a PI, an author, and has a blog.


Muskogee's Police Chief said he and his officers have been invited to attend the funeral for the 17-year-old girl who was killed by police after they said she shot at officers Sunday.

Steven Rauch said he apologizes for his daughter Farrah putting officers in that position. He also said he forgives the officers who shot his daughter and wants those same officers at her funeral.

"I want to hug them, I want everybody else to hug them, they need it, we need it," Rauch told News on 6. He said he does not blame officers for shooting his 17-year old daughter Farrah. He said he knows they are in just as much pain as he is.

"I know they're hurting. They have to be hurting for what they had to do and that's what they have to do in a job. I want people to know they're loved," Rauch said.

Rauch said Farrah struggled the past four years with her parents' divorce, cutting herself and using drugs. Investigators said Farrah and her boyfriend Joseph Dugan ran away from Blair, Nebraska.

They drove through Florida, Georgia, and Arkansas and had run-ins with law enforcement. Police said when the teens got to Muskogee Sunday, they tried stealing a truck and were chased by officers. They said Farrah shot at officers, who then shot and killed her. Investigators say Dugan shot and killed himself.

"I was honestly shocked when we got the invite," Chief Johnny Teehee said.

He admitted he never expected Rauch to invite him and the four officers involved in the shooting to come and speak at Farrah's funeral.

"To me, it's something you have to rely on God to do. Obviously, there's a message that somebody in the family, or in that community, needs to hear, and God's needs me to be the messenger," Teehee said.

"I feel like more people should be doing this," Rauch added, "I feel like Farrah has a message, this is how she can get her message."

Farrah's memorial is set for this coming Wednesday in Nebraska. Chief Teehee said he will also be a speaker at the service.

This is a “letter to my daughter” he wrote on his facebook page.

Rest in Peace my Darling Daughter: If I could be you for a moment, this is what I would write for you and what I thought you were going through! I hope all the readers understand I am, as well as my family and friends, deeply hurting from this devastating and shocking loss. The words written below are from me today, just trying to process something. It's very deep and long and I hope there is someone out there that reads this and realizes there is always a way, and God will be the ultimate discovery through it all. May you find this Light now, and not wait another second!

Free, I just want to be free.

I don’t want anyone telling me what to do,

How to feel. I just want my freedom,

To live, breathe, die or suffer.

Leave me alone, you will never understand!

I’ve tried to tell you,

But you just couldn’t listen deep enough!

Yes, I am in pain, confused, anxious for nothing,

Yet for everything. I never really knew what I was doing,

I just did whatever I did in order to feel something.

I lost touch of everything I had,

Yes, including my family. I cared more

For my friends that I did for myself. I loved myself,

Not I didn’t I hated myself. It depended on the moment.

I didn’t know how to feel for my family. They

Were always here and tried to keep me safe.

But I wasn’t safe, yet I couldn’t tell you why.

I tried to know myself, but nothing was clear.

I wanted to be free from all this pain, and

There was only one way for me and this was

The way that I chose. No one could reach me.

I found music and writing as an outlet, but that

Didn’t always work. I cut and caused pain on my body,

Yet that didn’t work either, but I kept trying.

I loved the high feeling from drugs and it made

Me want to be more and more free. It made me

Express how I felt with boys. It kept me company

When I was alone. I know it didn’t last either and I

Always went back to square one again.

Excitement, thrills, adventure and the sense of

Escaping the law, probation and rules and regulations

Became a new high. A high on top of a high.

I escaped this town with my BF. We tried to make our

Lives work being together but we were too young for

Anyone to understand why we needed each other. We

Were a temporary fix for what we did together sexually

And just hanging out together doing our own thing.

We both had ambitions and desires to do good,

Be good. We tried, we honestly did, but we could not

And did not succeed at that.

Leaving Nebraska, just the two of us, and keeping

It a secret what we were doing. That was my sense

Of a new freedom I was seeking. I felt it. It was working.

I got to be free from all problems in my home town Blair.

I didn’t have to listen to dad, I didn’t have to listen to probation,

The judge or schools.

I just felt free, then, reaching Florida. The weather

Was warm, the water was warm, the air was fresh,

Different and I could sit on a curve next to the beach

And eat a slice of pizza with my boyfriend. We were

Both on top of the world. Just taking in our life in

A different way, that gave us a taste of the freedom we’ve

Been looking for. I finally arrived. I got what I wanted and

It was beautiful. It changed me to a wonderful place.

I started making new plans. Plans of hope and dreams.

I really thought this was it. Now I needed money.

We ran out. And felt trapped because we weren’t able

to keep moving. I called Family and friends and they

wanted to help. I know they were afraid to because

of what I might do with it. I definitely needed gas for

Our ride, but now that broke down. We needed another vehicle.

I wanted to keep going, and thought I could, paying little

Attention to any law-abiding way. It was easy for me to take,

Since that was the only way I would be able to keep moving. I don’t

Really know where I was going, but I was pretty sure it would

Be the west coast. We were excited, we had a direction. But we

Weren’t thinking right to get there. We got lost in our addiction.

The high was running down and we were sleep deprived. It’s

Not a good combination. The car broke down. We had to keep moving.

We resorted to steeling another. And another. We found guns, yes,

Guns. This made us feel something new. Another high maybe. Why,

I couldn’t tell you! We were able to keep moving

In that direction of west coast. We were back on the road with,

guns, some gas and A stolen vehicle. McDonalds came up and we ate.

Yah, we had food. I called a select few of you, asking for money.

We kept moving on through until this truck broke down. We were

Stuck in Muskogee OK now in the wooded areas of this town.

We left on foot and Took the guns. We had our hoodies

and walked around town trying to figure it out.

We needed to keep moving. It was still day light. Time

To take another car. I know, let’s use the guns to get one.

That didn’t work And the lady escaped our attempt. We got

more desperate and knew we Were in more trouble.

We didn’t care. I was still on adrenaline. It was still

Keeping me moving and I had desperate hope we could

get back on the road.

We found one. Ready to go. A white pickup, just like my-moms.

We got in. Keys were in it. We took off. We were on our way again.

Adrenalin high again. Then the police lights and sirens.

Trying to pull us over. They won’t. We are gonna

Keep moving. Our tires go flat. We are panicking and we crash.

We have to escape on foot. We grab the guns

and we already figured it out that they are

Not getting us. I’m running as fast as I can. The police tell me to stop.

I don’t know what came Over me, but I knew this was my end.

My end as I ever knew. Kind of my plan anyway.

I couldn’t succeed on my own. I needed help. I stopped, turned around

and started firing. They fired back. I was hit. I turned and ran.

No in pain, but in shock. I couldn’t run any longer and

Fell to the ground. They caught up. I heard them say be still

and stay on ground.

Let me tell you What I felt right at that exact moment.

Joey ran further away. I was alone. My mind was set.

I hadn’t listened before. Why should I start now. It was too fast.

My mind was made up. My whole life Led up to this one moment.

Yes, I’ve been close before, very close but this was the end, and I knew it.

I really knew it. You might ask what flashed through my mind.

I can’t say. My mind wasn’t right.

It had nothing to grab on to. No memory came up. No logic.

No reasoning. Just complete surrender to anymore of this running.

I was done and I knew it. It didn’t feel so real at that moment.

Yet it was more real than I could ever imagine. My choices, my life, my dreams,

my future; it all went away. I had nothing, but the moment.

I heard him say not to move. I was already shot.

The bullets were in me. I was already dead at that moment.

Dead to life, dead to death, dead to hope, dead to my whole existence.

I knew if I didn’t listen they would finish the job and they did.

I turned, got up and started firing again. I kept getting hit.

I don’t even know what I was shooting at. I never shot a gun before.

I just started pulling the trigger again and again with no aim in sight.

That was it! I’m officially dead.

Now it’s my time to really fly. This time, not on my own terms.

I did surrender. I not only surrendered to running, I surrender

To everything else. If you were to talk to me now, I will listen.

I know it’s too late for you to know this, but I am ready now!

I’m so sorry to all my family and friends. The one’s I used to have

and may have lost along the way. I made choices I really know now,

that I just could not understand then. I’m sorry for all of them. I meant

no harm for anyone. I mean no harm for anyone. I have found what I

was looking for and now I see what I missed out on being alive. Yes,

I’m talking to you now even though I’m dead. Yet you need to know

I am alive. Alive more than I’ve ever been. I’m alive in every single heart

I broke. I can tell you my journey isn’t over. None of ours is. In fact, my

Journey is only now beginning. And it starts with all of you, my friends,

Family and even the strangers I’ve never got to meet.

My journey is now to tell you if you are hurting, I understand.

And listen to my dad because he was right. It’s all a lie, believing I’m

Different and it’s different for me. It wasn’t different for me. Not really,

Nor is it really different for anybody. We all Feel it and want to be free

from the hurts and pain. I know you are hurting. You hide it well. I tried

to hide, but my pain got exposed through social media and my own family

finding out. The police rescues, the EMT’s, the ambulances and emergency

doctors. Treatment. Yes, I’ve been through treatment. Boystown,

Imannuel, Partial, 4th floor, Uta Halee, Madison Detention,

Cathedral Home for Children. Did any of it work? Let me tell you why it didn’t.

Yes, I’m getting heavy right now. The truth is, I see it now! I lied to

Everyone. I told them a story and wasn’t completely true. I left out the main

Points. I can’t even tell you why I did that. I don’t really know why now. I

Don’t think it’s important to know why. It’s more important to tell the truth,

Especially if it’s private. So private, you feel like you would take it to the grave

With you. Well, that’s exactly what I did. I took it to the grave. I did what I could

To survive. At least what I thought I needed to do. I was wrong. I didn’t need to

Take some of these secrets to the grave. But I did. But that’s why I don’t want you

To do the same. Talk it out with someone you trust…all of it. Don’t leave nothing

Out. You don’t have to tell everyone. Just one or two important people in your life.

It could be a school teacher, a principal or counselor. It could be a therapist, parent

Or friend.

But be careful who you tell. You need to find someone that can give you

Appropriate feedback. Someone who you know will listen and respond with

Sound advice. And listen to them. My dad wanted me to get a sponsor in AA,

Or NA. I know that now! He was right! A 12-step program and finding a sponsor

May be exactly what you need. Maybe not. But there is so much you can

Get out of a 12 step program. My dad is the perfect example.

I went to a couple of meetings. But I didn’t allow myself to get into because I

Believed I was different. I’m here to tell you that I was wrong and I’m not so

Different and now I wish I went the route of recovery. It’s that honesty thing again.

I was too lost in my fictitious beliefs and used that against everyone who love


Oh, and more important than anything. There is a God! And, He’s beautiful. Call

It as you may, but God is real. You are real. God is love. Know love, be love, live love

And give love and then you have found God too. You don’t have to die first. God has

Told me that even when I was alive, I was forgiven of all things and all I needed to

Do was put my mind into the light where no darkness can fall. I’m in the light now,

And I see the light in you. You have to see though. It’s there. If you can’t believe me,

Believe someone until you see the light in yourself. It’s there now, just like the

Footprints in the sand. The truth for me right now is the same truth that was always

There. I hope my dad writes another book, because I can’t wait to read it!



Supporting Member
Special Hen Supporter
Oct 9, 2012
Reaction score
There are no words to describe this loss, and he's gonna likely feel different in a few months, a few years. It's the most ****ed up thing ever.


Supporting Member
Special Hen Supporter
Apr 14, 2009
Reaction score
Thanks for sharing.

Such a beautiful young lady that got caught it with drugs, the wrong crowd, or whatever.

I pray she finally can rest.


Supporting Member
Special Hen Supporter
Oct 27, 2012
Reaction score
Sometimes the children just won't listen to their parents, they respect the clerk at 7-11 more than them. I feel sorry for the Dad, he lost a daughter long before she was shot. I note that there aren't going to be any marches, TV crews or attorneys involved...


Supporting Member
Special Hen Supporter
Oct 9, 2012
Reaction score
Sometimes the children just won't listen to their parents, they respect the clerk at 7-11 more than them. I feel sorry for the Dad, he lost a daughter long before she was shot. I note that there aren't going to be any marches, TV crews or attorneys involved...

Yep. I get pretty damn tired of hearing "the parents must have been...."

Sometimes no matter how fast you bail, the boat keeps going down. All the thoughtful perspective kinda goes out the window after a while. It boils down to "I miss them" and nothing else really matters.


Supporting Member
Special Hen Supporter
Apr 14, 2010
Reaction score
Oklahoma City
Every day there are stories of some tragic end of life, intentional, accidental, whatever. People making poor choices, and all the other thoughts we have when we watch the evening news. It's really easy to let it go in one ear and out the other, forgetting that there are many people, involved in every story, whose lives have just been changed forever.

Latest posts

Top Bottom