For what its worth, in a situation where it would be needed, don't see weight or recoil being a problem, however if it bothers her she could not become proficient to use it safely and effectively. Had ex-wife and neice and nephew to hold stock under their arm, when shooting my 870 with 18". For 410could use the buckshot loads that were developed for the Taurus judge, they group nicely from a pistol.
Agree with the 20 over the 12, but that's just me. Never bought any reduced 12 loads though.
Had this prob once. Got a Marlin lever carbine chambered for .44 Mag. you might look at this as an option.
Get her what she wants. Nothing else matters if she will not shoot it enough to be become comfortable with it. You can buy her the most expensive toys out there but if she does not like it, it will just gather dust and if the time comes she ever needs it, she will not know how to handle it.
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