A sad time in my life

[TerryMiller]

Sorry to hear this, Clay. Prayers for all concerned, and I really hope you can find a good home. Wife and I had to deal with her mother in a nursing home for a few years. Her father died in our home because she had promised him that she would not put him in a home. Cancer took him, and fortunately for him, it didn't take long.

God bless you, Sir.

 

[Fredkrueger100]

Clay I’m sorry to hear this. I hope that everything works out for the best. I’ll keep y’all in my prayers.

 

[Mad Professor]

the average life expectancy in a Nursing home is 2.5 years. I think he'll be on the low end of that average.
When he spent 6 weeks in the hospital because of a bad brain bleed last year, I was hoping he would pass away peacefully in his sleep rather than have to go to a Home.
This last year he's had no quality of life.

I'd encourage you to ask about Hospice care. The better providers do an excellent job of assisting both the patient and the family members in preparing and getting things in order. They have lots of resources that will help both you and your father.

I wish you the best through this.

 

[CHenry]

I'd encourage you to ask about Hospice care. The better providers do an excellent job of assisting both the patient and the family members in preparing and getting things in order. They have lots of resources that will help both you and your father.

I wish you the best through this.

Thats a sticky wicket too. See its only my speculation that this is his near end. No Dr. has said hes terminal and has only X days/weeks left. So calling in Hospice when he may live another 6 months isnt a good idea. In fact I dont think Hospice will get involved unless theres been a terminal diagnosis.

 

[Oklahomabassin]

Prayers for you and family Chenry.

 

[JD8]

Sorry you have to go through this.

I'd encourage you to ask about Hospice care. The better providers do an excellent job of assisting both the patient and the family members in preparing and getting things in order. They have lots of resources that will help both you and your father.

I wish you the best through this.

I can't second this enough. Unfortunately had to go through this with my Father. The more prepared you are for this, the better.

 

[Glocktogo]

Thats a sticky wicket too. See its only my speculation that this is his near end. No Dr. has said hes terminal and has only X days/weeks left. So calling in Hospice when he may live another 6 months isnt a good idea. In fact I dont think Hospice will get involved unless theres been a terminal diagnosis.

Clay,

My dad passed from COPD and so did my mom. I went through each passing as the only child with no prior experience. While my mom had my stepdad, my dad was alone so I was it for helping him (he went first). There are a lot of misconceptions about Hospice and quite frankly, most people turn to them late rather than too early. My dad resisted at first, but once he got on the program he recognized the benefits and admitted he wished he'd agreed sooner. In the end it's an individual choice and most organizations won't push one way or the other.

Caveat: There are certain for lack of a better term "fences" involved in treatment between palliative care and hospice. Going on hospice doesn't mean the patient must ultimately pass on hospice. Changes in condition can be cause to change that status, but they don't happen often. Hospice isn't just for the last month or 6 months, depending on the specific condition and progression of it. Just make sure you fully research everything before making those decisions as a family. I know with my dad I suggested it and he rejected, but when his condition worsened he relented without me pushing at all.

There's definitely a death process in older people whose mental and/or physical being is deteriorating towards death. I wasn't made aware of it until right at the very end and wow, I wish I'd have been given that information sooner. As the loved one is in the process of passing, they usually withdraw at the exact time friends and family are trying to get closer.

Anyway, I've included some links that may be of benefit. We all have to make our own way and no one's is perfect. The best you can do is minimize the number of regrets you have after the process is over. I wish you peace and strength my friend.

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320794#other-signs

https://hospicefoundation.org/Hospice-Care/Signs-of-Approaching-Death

https://www.everydayhealth.com/news/things-your-doctor-wont-tell-you-about-dying/

 

[CHenry]

Clay,

My dad passed from COPD and so did my mom. I went through each passing as the only child with no prior experience. While my mom had my stepdad, my dad was alone so I was it for helping him (he went first). There are a lot of misconceptions about Hospice and quite frankly, most people turn to them late rather than too early. My dad resisted at first, but once he got on the program he recognized the benefits and admitted he wished he'd agreed sooner. In the end it's an individual choice and most organizations won't push one way or the other.

Caveat: There are certain for lack of a better term "fences" involved in treatment between palliative care and hospice. Going on hospice doesn't mean the patient must ultimately pass on hospice. Changes in condition can be cause to change that status, but they don't happen often. Hospice isn't just for the last month or 6 months, depending on the specific condition and progression of it. Just make sure you fully research everything before making those decisions as a family. I know with my dad I suggested it and he rejected, but when his condition worsened he relented without me pushing at all.

There's definitely a death process in older people whose mental and/or physical being is deteriorating towards death. I wasn't made aware of it until right at the very end and wow, I wish I'd have been given that information sooner. As the loved one is in the process of passing, they usually withdraw at the exact time friends and family are trying to get closer.

Anyway, I've included some links that may be of benefit. We all have to make our own way and no one's is perfect. The best you can do is minimize the number of regrets you have after the process is over. I wish you peace and strength my friend.

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320794#other-signs

https://hospicefoundation.org/Hospice-Care/Signs-of-Approaching-Death

https://www.everydayhealth.com/news/things-your-doctor-wont-tell-you-about-dying/

Hmmm, Interesting, I didnt know all this about Hospice. However I cant likely convince mom to do that. She also is sure that hospice is for those last few weeks and getting new ideas into her head is like herding cats. Dad wishes were to die at home and I'm not happy with moms decision to put him in a home. Not at all, nor is my brother. My sister is rather estranged so I have no idea what her thoughts are.
But this gives me some well needed ammunition.
Thanks

 

[Glocktogo]

Hmmm, Interesting, I didnt know all this about Hospice. However I cant likely convince mom to do that. She also is sure that hospice is for those last few weeks and getting new ideas into her head is like herding cats. Dad wishes were to die at home and I'm not happy with moms decision to put him in a home. Not at all, nor is my brother. My sister is rather estranged so I have no idea what her thoughts are.
But this gives me some well needed ammunition.
Thanks

Anything to help. The best you can do is inform and support your mom, and accept/respect her wishes.

 

[dennishoddy]

Hmmm, Interesting, I didnt know all this about Hospice. However I cant likely convince mom to do that. She also is sure that hospice is for those last few weeks and getting new ideas into her head is like herding cats. Dad wishes were to die at home and I'm not happy with moms decision to put him in a home. Not at all, nor is my brother. My sister is rather estranged so I have no idea what her thoughts are.
But this gives me some well needed ammunition.
Thanks

I can assure you that Hospice is the way to go after losing both of my parents to lung cancer with hospice care at the end.
We have been dealing with my FIL's dementia, parkinsons, and sundowners for a couple of years now. We tried to move them from Broken Arrow to our home town so we could offer more assistance, but MIL refused thinking friends would offer any assistance since they had a pretty close crowd they hung out with.
Guess what, after a couple of weeks, the "friends" bailed and it was left to us driving 250 miles round trip to handle everything including their finances almost every weekend. MIL still wouldn't move when FIL didn't recognise anybody and was in his own world thinking it would look bad with the "friends" that bailed.
MIL refused Hospice a year ago when she could have got assistance from them with beds, medical aids, etc, paying for them out of her pocket. The pocket is getting lower.
At the end of life Hospice knows that the time is near in normal deaths by monitoring the vitals and has volunteers that will sit with the ill during the night to notify the family when their time has passed.
My FIL passed this morning. A volunteer was sitting with him for two nights as he was critical with vitals decreasing but I took last night.
Wonderful organization with caring folks. The Pastor came by almost daily, the volunteer came back after Don's passing to offer condolences to the family and hung around for over an hour with the Pastor.
Clay, keep in mind that there are more that one Hospice organization. Some are free, some are pay to play.
Choose wisely. The volunteer organization appears to be the best route IMHO.
When my mom passed, she specified that she didn't want to waste any of her money on a huge funeral. Graveside and be done with it. We honored her wishes. The Hospice minister that was over the graveside came to me and told me that he would not accept any money and asked that we do not offer any. Part of the Hospice program.
Incredibly wonderful people and I can't say enough to bolster their reputation.