"Hot enough for you today?". If youre new to Oklahoma you might find this funny...

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nofearfactor

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I grew up in San Diego,Ca but moved to the bay area after graduating highschool to go to art school, then after art school I moved up north into the cooler weather (for California) area of the mountains to start my own business. I still maintain a small cabin home there today on a patch of land that my grandfather bought while he was also buying up land and other real estate for investment in the Gold Rush area of Hwy48 up on the mountain in the late 20s,30s. My mom was raised in LA part time and in Oklahoma part time as a kid and she had moved back to Oklahoma near where she was raised and where we have alot of relatives. After a visit about 8 years ago I met and then dated long distance my current wife, a native Tulsan. After we married I moved here because her career and family were here, and I fly or drive back and forth between here and California and Iowa where I have another business regularly.

I bitched about the Oklahoma heat that first summer almost daily- I really thought I was going to die some days, and I had been to Death Valley in the summers numerous times as a kid with my 29 Palms stationed Marine father. My wife found this letter somewhere to show me how similar it is to how much of a wussy I had been that first year about the summer weather here. Enjoy.



Dear Diary,

Just moved to Oklahoma! Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th: The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least, it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th: Fell asleep by the community pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th: I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water balloon. The car now smells like Kibbles and Shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat. Good ol' Mr. Sun strikes again.

July 25th: The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th: Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now, $225,000 house and I can't even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one. Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th: Its 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state.

Aug. 8th: If another wise ass cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

Aug. 9th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the seats in the car, I thought my ass was on fire. My skin melted to the seat. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

Aug 10th: The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do **** for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn state? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.

Aug. 14th: Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today. Cactus are dead. Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and guess what he asked me??? "Hot enough for you today?" My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking Oklahoma .. What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?? Will write later to let you know how the trial goes.
 

toehanus

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True story. At the school I used to teach at, we had a gentleman that moved from Ohio and started teaching at our school. He lasted 2 weeks before he went to the principal to quit and move back to Ohio. During that two weeks, I don't think I ever saw the man when he was drenched from sweating....and that was while he was indoors.

toe
 

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