Making Fun of Engineers

[MBB]

Popular culture makes scientists and engineers to be the bad guys or at least not "cool" in the vast majority of movies, tv shows, etc. I heard a stat one time that it was over 90% of the time these types were the antagonists. Just last night on the Academy Awards, the host commented on the Engineering Oscar by saying, "congratulations, nerds". So where are all the OSA threads ragging on engineers?

I'm an engineer myself, so I'll start. This is a true story.

I was in San Angelo, TX at a mexican restaurant when a heat and air tech I was eating dinner with found out I was studying to be an engineer. Without further ado, he pulls out a pen and draws a circle on a napkin. He says, "When you become an engineer, always remember this. Just because I draw an anus on paper, doesn't mean it can take a dump." Of course he didn't use such polite words, but you get the idea.

So? Any engineer complaints/jokes/etc? Let's keep it clean so this thread doesn't get locked up. I'm curious to hear people's perceptions of engineers.

 

[benjamin-benjamin]

my perceptions of engineers is that they are more intelligent than me!!

 

[jstaylor62]

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. After the conference the accountants, being clever with money, decide to copy the engineers on the return trip. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

When they board the train, the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

 

[338Shooter]

Engineers can't drive a train for ****.

 

[rhodesbe]

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. Quiet, methodical, and not too exciteable, he was 'downsized' after 30 years of service to his company after some in management questioned his ability to be a 'team player' to justify his pricey salary.

Several months after his send-off, a desparate operations manager at his old company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines on a billion-dollar a year production line.

They had tried everything, and everyone, to get the machine fixed with no success. In desperation, they called on the 'retired' engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.

The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He arrived onsite early, and spent a day staring at and listening to the huge malfuctioning machine. He didn't speak five words to anyone during his survey. However, at the end of the day he marked a small 'X' in red chalk on a particular component of the machine. He then stated to the operations manager, "This part is your problem." In very quick order, the part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.

The company received an invoice for $50,000 from the engineer for his day of service. In an uproar, the Head of Accounting demanded an itemized account of his charges.

The engineer responded briefly:
One piece of red chalk: $1
Knowing where the 'X' goes: $49,999

It was paid in full and the engineer retired in peace.

 

[poopgiggle]

Another math/CS student and I were talking the other day about how the TI-89 has made mechanical engineers obsolete.

Performs simple algebra? Check.
Does simple calculus problems? Check.
Fails miserably at more complex differential equation problems? Check mate.

EDIT:

"engineer/physicist/mathematician" jokes are older than dirt. I like this one.

An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist are staying for the night in a hotel. Fortunately for this joke, a small fire breaks out in each room.

The physicist awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on the back of the hotel's wine list does some quick calculations. Grabbing the fire extinguisher, he puts out the fire with one, short, well placed burst, and then crawls back into bed and goes back to sleep.

The engineer awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on the back of the hotel's room service list (pizza menu) does some quick calculations. Grabbing the fire extinguisher (and adding a factor of safety of 5), he puts out the fire by hosing down the entire room several times over, and then crawls into his soggy bed and goes back to sleep.

The mathematician awakes, sees the cooling embers of the fire from one of his neighbors, fans it back into a roaring inferno, observes that "this reduces to a previously solved problem", crawls into his warm bed, and goes back to sleep.

 

[CHenry]

Engineers are no different thatn Doctors or Lawyers in that some of them are quacks and some are briliant and a whole spectrum of those in between.
I work with engineers everyday. Some of them I wonder how they find their way to work each day, and others are pretty smart.

 

[poopgiggle]

Engineers are no different thatn Doctors or Lawyers in that some of them are quacks and some are briliant and a whole spectrum of those in between.
I work with engineers everyday. Some of them I wonder how they find their way to work each day, and others are pretty smart.

I took a statics class when I was an undergrad.

75% of the class was like, "LOL HOW DO CROSS PRODUCT I DON'T GET IT."

These guys will be designing cars and bridges someday

 

[Super Dave]

Engineers are the guys who specifically design something to be harder to repair then it was before.

Same guys who redesign a good working part to be a poorly functioning part, possibly for job justification.

I have a friend that is a high pressure valve engineer, and has been very sought after by various oil valve companies. I had to wire his high/low beam on his bike when he was rebuilding it. He just couldn't understand why it wouldn't work his way. There are three wires. He's so smart, he's stupid!!!

 

[poopgiggle]

Engineers are the guys who specifically design something to be harder to repair then it was before.

Same guys who redesign a good working part to be a poorly functioning part, possibly for job justification.

I have a friend that is a high pressure valve engineer, and has been very sought after by various oil valve companies. I had to wire his high/low beam on his bike when he was rebuilding it. He just couldn't understand why it wouldn't work his way. There are three wires. He's so smart, he's stupid!!!

Normal people believe: If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe: If it ain't broke, it needs more features.