There I was, watching the fireworks show from the street in front of my house with the lil' lady. As the pyrotechnic glory rose I noticed the pitter patter of dog feet approaching me. I turned to see a jet black demon hound with it's confused and possibly senile owner in tow behind it, muttering a dialogue with an unseen participant. I knew in that moment that it was in fact, "The Night Dumper." This was the beast responsible for the watermelon sized turds in the middle of my lawn that appear randomly throughout the week. I looked to the beast, to my yard, and back to the beast again, preparing for the inevitable fecal land mine to corrupt the santity of my lawn. The beast must have seen the burning fury and determination in my eyes because it swiftly changed direction, crossing the street it 2 steps, geriatric neighbor bouncing along behind it like a yo-yo behind an 18 wheeler. I turned to my girlfriend and exclaimed, "That sum***** craps in my yard again and I'll staple it's *** shut!" The threat must have struck a nerve with the beast, as it immediately stopped in the neighbors lawn 2 doors down and deposited it's evil excrement. It shot me a knowing glance and disappeared into the night. Needless to say I am now in need of NVGs and a very large stapler.
