Funny things said around your house

[RidgeHunter]

My personal best was a while back. I'm in an antique store parking lot in Jenks with the woman and I'm creeping along at 5-10 mph as some Jenks housewives start to walk in front of me. Unnecessary, I'm the only car coming and they should have waited 3 seconds. They were 10 or more yards away from my driving lane; if they kept a normal pace I would be long gone by the time they cross. I pass them just as one yells " YEAH DON'T SLOW DOWN OR ANYTHING!"

Without missing a beat I fire back through the open window "YEAH DON'T BE YUPPIE BITCHES OR ANYTHING!"

She didn't look pleased.

It is a myth.... maybe 1 out of 50 of those occurrences are something you might want to see....

I can't even imagine.

 

[Boehlertaught]

The players in this story...Mommy, 20 month old Cale, 11 month old Wade
Mommy: Cale, do you want to appologize to Wade for pushing him down.
Cale: No sanks, I just go time out!

 

[SoonerCowboy]

I tell my wife that I don't like young pretty girls I like her,

She said the other day "look at that old lady in yoga pants, she has a camels foot."

 

[LightningCrash]

"Dad what are we having for brekfuks"
"You pronounce it `breakfast`, son"
"Brekfuks"
"Break.... fast."
"Brek...fukst"
"Fast"
"Fukst"
"Faaasssssssssssst"
"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuukkkkkkssssssssst"
"You know what **** it, go ask your mother what's for breakfast."

and then I hear raucous laughter from the other room.