Kids safety

[Cowcatcher]

Sometimes there are just things that don't have a wrong answer. I think there are good points from both sides on this. Just make a call. In reality, its the parents call to make. I don't wanna offend you but this sounds like a deal where you just gotta accept it as Grandfather. You made your feelings known and I'm sure you expressing those feelings was appreciated.

Me personally, I don't live in a city near a park but I did live in an area of Houston Texas from 7-15yo. Nah, my little ones wouldn't be traveling to parks unsupervised down there.

 

[Ethan N]

Ethan here is my longer response. you give some good arguments and they seem rational and well thought out. My issue is most people aren't as rational as you. If you look at what a child did back 150 years ago they could practically take care of themselves by age 6 and be a major contributing part of a family at 8. Those were different times. Most of them were married as early teens. I think you give a lot of examples of a helicopter parent along with a protecting parent. There is a difference in those. Being protective vs controlling are different things. My wife was a school teacher for 9 years before we had kids. She home-schools my children now by her choice. We both choose to protect our kids from lots of things. Innocence is lost way to early for to many kids. You only have it once and personally I want my kids to enjoy that as long as possible. The world is a big mean ugly place.

I believe kids need to learn responsibility and how to solve problems just as you but I also think its main priority to protect them above all else. If my child gets abducted or something of that awful nature. Its on me for the rest of my life and theirs. My wife has taught in places from Ghetto schools of north and East Tulsa to Country schools in Rural Oklahoma she has seen the gamut of stuff kids get into or have happen to them. Lots of it I will say are unspeakable.

I still think as a parent it is our job to keep them safe. I am not talking about a safe zone bubble where they are special little snowflakes and allowed to have therapy pigs running around the living room. Dealing with hard situations is necessary. Normally bullys grow up to bosses. So you need to know how to deal with an A##hat. I am talking about removing opportunities for bad situations and minimizing threats. Letting my kids play in my yard or Cul-de-sac unsupervised is a risk I am willing to take. Letting them gallivant off on their own down memorial drive in Tulsa to Chick-Fil-A. I am not okay with that.

My son at 10 years old is becoming a very good little marksmen. I have pounded gun safety into my kids before they ever touched a gun. I made them memorize the 10 rules of gun safety. I still always talk to them about safety whenever we are shooting or I have guns out in my home. Even though my son handles guns extremely well. He is always under my supervision when handling one. We have invited multiple friends of his and their parents to go shooting with us. What I can tell you is there are some 10 year olds that just don't have it together enough even at 10 to be around firearms. These kids scare me. Some on the others handle guns better than some of the knuckle heads I see at the range that should know better. I am also coming at this as someone who grew up with guns and then had my best friend die at 16 from a Negligent Discharge.

So I will gladly submit to you that you are probably right its a very low probability that my kids will be abducted in my South Tulsa neighborhood. They are more likely to be run over by a dimwit on her cellphone buzzing through my neighborhood in her Denali XL at 45. Either way my job as dad is to be the enforcer and protect them from all threats not all uncomfortable situations. I simply can't bear the thought of something terrible happening to one of my kids that I could have prevented. I am talking the bad stuff that we should never wish on anyone.

Excellent response and many good arguments yourself. You’re right, I did mostly mention examples of overbearing hovering parenting to draw a strong contrast. And just like going too far in that direction is unhealthy and, ironically, neglectful (of children’s need for age-appropriate independence), other parents go to the other extreme and seem to have no interest in protecting their children or providing basic supervision. There must be a balance. And that balance must be left to the parents to decide. We can disagree about the exact parameters of that balance and that’s okay as long as we’re not going to either extreme. Even then, I don’t think people should interfere in other people’s parenting unless a child is in imminent danger (except family members offering input and guidance).

In the end, every childhood activity has risks and benefits and a big part of parenting is deciding what risks are acceptable compared to the benefits. Statistically, swimming in a lake is probably more dangerous than playing outside unsupervised, but few parents would deny their kids the fun and exercise of that activity. And swimming is one activity that I won’t allow without direct supervision.

I’m with you in that another activity I won’t allow without direct adult supervision is handling firearms. There’s no amount of trust, capability, or responsibility that will change that equation for me.