Divorce.... Questions before I sign anything

[AllOut]

As far as how I feel.....
I married her cause she got pregnant. Thought I was doing the right thing, but was never to attached to her.

Anyway, I did have a meeting with a lawyer yesterday. We went over everything and his advice was that neither of us hire lawyers. That there wasn't enough to fight over and fees would eat up what is there if we did. But he did say that if she won't talk it out and agree, to give him a shout and we'll gear up for a fight!
Now, trying to talk to her... She is very emotional! Wants nothing to do with talking to me. Plus she has some stupid demands that she will never get. She is going against everything we agreed on, like just giving the papers and not being served. I told her when I went to file that I wouldn't do that to her especially at work. But she filed first, gave me the paper like was gonna do, said I had to sign them and give them back (just verifying I did recieve them). But my lawyer told me not to worry about signing then just show up to court on the scheduled date. I let her know, and explained to her why. Well today she tried to have me served at home and at work. Guy showed up and went up front, receptionist called me and asked if she should just tell him to leave..... I told her yes I right have time to mess with it.

Problem is, I've tried to contact the lawyer twice. Text and call just to see what I should do, but never heard back from him....

 

[mksmth]

Some attorneys offer a one time free consult, which this one sounds like he did. Short of hiring him you may not get anymore help for free, hence why he may not be calling you. Of course on the other hand he could have been busy.
They will get you served one way or the other so you might as well take it.
you will need to answer the petition, you can draft one yourself and file with the court if you want. Basically you will read the petition and for each paragraph you will briefly confirm or deny what is in each paragraph. for example one paragraph will say something to the effect of, The parties have a child together. Your answer could be a simple as Yes I agree.

It sounds to me like even thought she wants it by having initiated the beginning, being uncooperative will make it hard for you to do this on your own. She hired counsel so you probably should too.

Im by no means a source for legal advice. I just know what you are going through and feel your pain.

If you 2 cant reconcile and it sounds like you may not, It does get better. It wont feel like it but it does.

edit- one more thing. I read you are in Tulsa. You will have to attend the Helping children cope with divorce. It is mandatory in tulsa county when divorcing with children. Its actually B.S. Im confident some how someway there is a kickback happening from the Family and Children services to someone in the Government. its $55 dollars per person if you register online and takes up 4 hours of your day. 95% of the people that are there should never be allowed to be married let alone have children. Being an OSA'r you love it.

 

[mons meg]

I cannot tell you how many clients I saw who simply could not or would not take this advice and it was always to their detriment. So much drama and in the end it got no one what they really wanted -- only made the attorneys a little bit richer ...

AllOut, it sounds to me like you've got a good head on your shoulders and you are doing the right thing but, as an unbiased observer on the outside looking in, this is what I see ...

1. You talked to your wife and she knew what was coming. Instead of letting that happen (and saving herself the money) she let her ego get the best of her. Strike 1 ... She's running on emotion, whether it looks like it to you or not. You "got the first punch in" so to speak by kicking her out. She filed on you FIRST to try to get under your skin and show you how much you hurt her by hurting you. (Whether it worked or not is a completely different discussion and one you need to have with yourself, not us. If what she did worked, think about why it did and come to terms with that now, with yourself, upfront because if she gets even a whiff of an idea that it worked, you are in for a much longer, much harder row to hoe ...)

2. She keeps telling you that she told the paralegal to put this or that or the other in the decree. ******** ... Oldest game in the book. You can do one of two things. You can take a pen, mark through the objectionable language and/or re-write it to suit you, then initial it and have her initial it too. OR you can hire an attorney. If I didn't think No. 3 was an issue then I'd go with the lining out of language. HOWEVER, I do not believe this is a good idea in your case and this is why:

3. She's trying to drag this out, wear you down and throw so much at you that she's hoping you will slip up (or just give up) and give her what she wants in the decree. (Actually, what she is doing is a common ploy among the couples to just try and hold onto a dead relationship a little bit longer. Because even a bad relationship is better than no relationship at all -- according to all the "mental health professionals" out there. I tend to disagree with this little tidbit of advice but a lot of people buy into it. She may be one of those people.)

4. Like aviator says, this has gone from being an emotional arrangement built on love, trust and respect to a strictly business relationship -- with a partner you can no longer trust. Do your due diligence, no matter how tired or frustrated you get. Everything at arm's length. Nothing under the table, no matter how much she begs to do so "for convenience" ... I don't know any Tulsa attorneys so I can't help you there ...

5. Finally, get a notebook and keep records ... Dates, times, subject of discussion, receipts for any money/property, etc. that may change hands outside the written decree ... Nothing is to trivial ...

Good luck to you, sir. These things are never pleasant but if you can make her think that none of this is an emotional thing for you, that it is strictly business now, you will be a lot better off in the end.

QFT...this is the best post so far. (Hey, I had a long weekend and just now catching up.)

 

[bettingpython]

As far as how I feel.....
I married her cause she got pregnant. Thought I was doing the right thing, but was never to attached to her. . .

Never should have married her to begin with, but I understand I did the same thing with the second wife for the same reason.

Is there a child involved in this? That makes things a little different. And yes attorney's get very busy especially good ones and after the initial consult it's going to take cash up front before they talk again. Mine billed in 15 minute blocks minimum charge for a phone call regardless if it was 1 minute or 14 minutes. At $240 an hour I made dang sure I watched my watch after seeing my first detailed bill and I wasn't quite so anxious to get frequent updates. Now in her defense she didn't call me unless she had factual solid news or to ask me if I would accept this or that in the terms.

 

[surjimmy]

The most important thing to remember is, you are NOT dealing with the person you married. Emotions will make people do unthinkable things. She is not your friend, and is your worst enemy if she is hurt. Let your Lawyer do everything, that is what you paying them for. Sorry to hear about your divorce.

 

[ripnbst]

Sounds to me like you could potentially be in the driver seat. Give her half your debt and half of what you have, the debt should outweigh what you've got lol.

 

[Lurkerinthewoods]

I went through the same thing back in 94. When we decided to split, we wrote everything down on a legal pad and I gave her half the money to have her attorney file the paperwork. She came by my work and said she forgot the papers but gave her attorney the agreement we made and he was filing it. We agreed to split the bills and I would get 3 weekends a month and one night a week if I could adjust my work schedule.

Not sure what all happened after that because I was a 24yr old testosterone machine and was working about 80 hours a week. Fast forward about two months, she comes by and tells me we had a court date for the judge to finalize everything and if I couldn't get off not to worry about it because we already agreed on everything.

Well, after I get the papers, I was awarded supervised visitation, 100% of all bills, 6 months of spousal support and ordered to pay her attorney 1000.00.... WTF

Took me two years to fix that crap...

 

[daytomann]

Don't lose the Mexico lease is all I know!

oh that's not a problem there
That's all "off the books" lol

The only thing I guess I'm supposed to sign and notarize right now is the sheet stating that I had been served.
From what I read in it, it says by signing it I'm not agreeing to anything.
But it also says I'm supposed to fill out my own "demands" or what not plus all my person stuff and file that at the court house. Not sure exactly how to go about all that exactly...

Not anymore..Its on the interwebs. LOL