When I was a young boy age of about 12, I sat one day next to a old buddy of my Grandpa. He and my Grandpa were raised up in the early 1900's Grandpa was born in 1897. The both were members of the KKK, them two and all my Grandpa's brothers, sisters, Great Grand Dad and on and on up to my own father, uncles, aunts and such. The old buddy I am referring to, had attained a very high ranking in the State of Oklahoma KKK back in the 30's 40's 50's and into the 60's. Nuff said about that.
On to my story.
I was sitting next to him on the back porch of my Grandparents home one day when I was around 12 years old. We were shooting the bull, he was asking me about my wrestling team, foot ball, baseball and my dirt machine racing, as he called my Dirt Bike Racing. He asked me if my brothers or I had to wrestle a "N....." in his terms. I told him yep, that my next to the youngest brother had not only had to compete with a young black boy, but he also was the first wrestler in the state to wrestle a girl. This lead him into a long tyrant about blacks, and he did not refer to them as just blacks as you would suspect, he slung the "Nword" as was common as the sun coming up every day.
I asked him, why he hated them so much. ""There was no way in hell I could have ever asked my grandpa this question, nor any of his brothers, sisters, cousins or anyone in the family for that matter"
Now granted this was a man of 80yrs old, worn out to nothing much more than a raisin, as he was nothing more than a dirt farmer his entire life. Went to school till the 2nd grade, could not read nor write neither, as I learned later. Oh he spewed things that I had heard spewed all my entire life up to that time of 12years old, nasty things he and all my older family members spewed. I use the word spewed now, but back then it was just normal everyday talk for them. As I would imagine it were for most of us that are over the age of 50 now, that were born either here in Oklahoma or the southern states. Don't know to many that were from the more liberal states. And out in the rural parts, don't know about the City People, were never around them.
Anyways he spewed and spewed the vial stuff that everyone did about blacks back then. I remember listening to him and when he slowed down about my brother having to wrestle the black boy. I then asked him again, why he hated them and this is where it went completely sideways, unbecoming and I don't know really how to explain the look on his face and his actions as he thought about the question I asked him.
This is from my memory how he answered, I will do the best I can to type his words. Bear with me.
He slowed his speech down, real slow. He become very somber and he chose his words. This is me now thinking back about how he responded and spoke what he said.
He looked at me and said Rick, hating "N......" is like concrete. It is poured into us from our kin folk, it was poured into me from as far as I can remember. I have always hated them, all my family like yours, your Grandpa and others all around have hated them. You know what concrete is don't you Rick? I told him yes. He said it gets hard when it sets up, he said everyone had that concrete poured into them, like pouring into a hole around a fence post to keep it sturdy. Now I would imagine that young people your age is a new generation, but don't kid yourself Rick, your parents have the concrete, it was poured into them as well. Your mom may be like she don't hate them on the outside, but inside she is like the concrete down the hole, hard hate. Oh people will cut the fence pole down and try and try to cover the hole up with concrete in it with a pile of dirt, so other people will not see it. But I am telling you now, it will take hundreds and hundreds of years for that old hard concrete that is hidden down in that hole covered up with dirt to erode away. He told me that I would not be alive when the hating stops, if it even ever stops. He told me that most people just lie out their asses when they say they are not "N......" haters. They are bald face liars. It will get better for them Black "N....."s but it will be hundreds of years to undo what has been done.
I have never told another person this story in my life. Never. But his words are so true to me now at my age in life. I was raised to hate them. On our farm we always had four, five or six other boys around all the time staying over and hanging out. I had a Black friend from high school come over one Friday Night. We all stayed up late being boys. Dad came home from a Rodeo about 2 in the morning. Came in the house, told us all to go to bed. Pulled me aside and told me to tell my "one" friend to get home, he was not allowed to sleep in his house. See how deep and hard that concrete is in people, this was in the 70's. It is way deeper than most can imagine. Remember some cut the pole down, some pile dirt up over it and try to hide it.
I was devastated to have to tell my friend to go home. I had stayed over at his home a few times. His family allowed me to do and stay as like I was a member of their family. My friend called his mom, his mom showed up and I walked him out to his mom in the car. I started apologizing to her and she shut me down. Told me that it was OK, that to just remember this night. To do my best to not be that way towards other races. I have tried to live my life the way she asked me to. But it was and still is, as you see that I had that concrete poured into me in my youth from the beginning and I had no power to keep it out, and I had no power to not let it set up hard in me. It is in me, and I can only say that I can do my best to keep it covered up with dirt. And try not to be a racist. I guess it will be hundreds and hundreds of years for it to completely erode away and all the concrete to turn back into dust. That is all.
The young people on the bus at OU, they have the concrete in them to, it was put into them. They got drunk and showed what they had and have inside of them. Plain and simple. It was wrong, and hopefully more good will come from it than bad. Maybe that these type of situations that go "viral" as they say it now days, will help soften and keep people from putting the concrete in their own kids. I hope.
On to my story.
I was sitting next to him on the back porch of my Grandparents home one day when I was around 12 years old. We were shooting the bull, he was asking me about my wrestling team, foot ball, baseball and my dirt machine racing, as he called my Dirt Bike Racing. He asked me if my brothers or I had to wrestle a "N....." in his terms. I told him yep, that my next to the youngest brother had not only had to compete with a young black boy, but he also was the first wrestler in the state to wrestle a girl. This lead him into a long tyrant about blacks, and he did not refer to them as just blacks as you would suspect, he slung the "Nword" as was common as the sun coming up every day.
I asked him, why he hated them so much. ""There was no way in hell I could have ever asked my grandpa this question, nor any of his brothers, sisters, cousins or anyone in the family for that matter"
Now granted this was a man of 80yrs old, worn out to nothing much more than a raisin, as he was nothing more than a dirt farmer his entire life. Went to school till the 2nd grade, could not read nor write neither, as I learned later. Oh he spewed things that I had heard spewed all my entire life up to that time of 12years old, nasty things he and all my older family members spewed. I use the word spewed now, but back then it was just normal everyday talk for them. As I would imagine it were for most of us that are over the age of 50 now, that were born either here in Oklahoma or the southern states. Don't know to many that were from the more liberal states. And out in the rural parts, don't know about the City People, were never around them.
Anyways he spewed and spewed the vial stuff that everyone did about blacks back then. I remember listening to him and when he slowed down about my brother having to wrestle the black boy. I then asked him again, why he hated them and this is where it went completely sideways, unbecoming and I don't know really how to explain the look on his face and his actions as he thought about the question I asked him.
This is from my memory how he answered, I will do the best I can to type his words. Bear with me.
He slowed his speech down, real slow. He become very somber and he chose his words. This is me now thinking back about how he responded and spoke what he said.
He looked at me and said Rick, hating "N......" is like concrete. It is poured into us from our kin folk, it was poured into me from as far as I can remember. I have always hated them, all my family like yours, your Grandpa and others all around have hated them. You know what concrete is don't you Rick? I told him yes. He said it gets hard when it sets up, he said everyone had that concrete poured into them, like pouring into a hole around a fence post to keep it sturdy. Now I would imagine that young people your age is a new generation, but don't kid yourself Rick, your parents have the concrete, it was poured into them as well. Your mom may be like she don't hate them on the outside, but inside she is like the concrete down the hole, hard hate. Oh people will cut the fence pole down and try and try to cover the hole up with concrete in it with a pile of dirt, so other people will not see it. But I am telling you now, it will take hundreds and hundreds of years for that old hard concrete that is hidden down in that hole covered up with dirt to erode away. He told me that I would not be alive when the hating stops, if it even ever stops. He told me that most people just lie out their asses when they say they are not "N......" haters. They are bald face liars. It will get better for them Black "N....."s but it will be hundreds of years to undo what has been done.
I have never told another person this story in my life. Never. But his words are so true to me now at my age in life. I was raised to hate them. On our farm we always had four, five or six other boys around all the time staying over and hanging out. I had a Black friend from high school come over one Friday Night. We all stayed up late being boys. Dad came home from a Rodeo about 2 in the morning. Came in the house, told us all to go to bed. Pulled me aside and told me to tell my "one" friend to get home, he was not allowed to sleep in his house. See how deep and hard that concrete is in people, this was in the 70's. It is way deeper than most can imagine. Remember some cut the pole down, some pile dirt up over it and try to hide it.
I was devastated to have to tell my friend to go home. I had stayed over at his home a few times. His family allowed me to do and stay as like I was a member of their family. My friend called his mom, his mom showed up and I walked him out to his mom in the car. I started apologizing to her and she shut me down. Told me that it was OK, that to just remember this night. To do my best to not be that way towards other races. I have tried to live my life the way she asked me to. But it was and still is, as you see that I had that concrete poured into me in my youth from the beginning and I had no power to keep it out, and I had no power to not let it set up hard in me. It is in me, and I can only say that I can do my best to keep it covered up with dirt. And try not to be a racist. I guess it will be hundreds and hundreds of years for it to completely erode away and all the concrete to turn back into dust. That is all.
The young people on the bus at OU, they have the concrete in them to, it was put into them. They got drunk and showed what they had and have inside of them. Plain and simple. It was wrong, and hopefully more good will come from it than bad. Maybe that these type of situations that go "viral" as they say it now days, will help soften and keep people from putting the concrete in their own kids. I hope.
