Funny things said around your house

[Burk Cornelius]

"does this smell bad?"

 

[n423]

"you have to be tough, if you are gonna' be stupid"

 

[Zombie]

"oh layla's a doofus...."
"Is Rob Zombie?"

tons of movie quotes out of context and random things

can't think of anything off hand too tired

 

[Lineman]

Me and the wife had a ongoing "war" about the damn toilet seat being left up, by me. I come home from work one day and she had wrote on bottom of toliet seat in the kiddos washable crayon "PUT ME DOWN AFTER USING". Needless to say, I lost that "war"...

 

[Cohiba]

I always tell my wife that, "She's pretty good for my first wife."

Usually,when I do something which she considers stupid,and for some reason she finds out..... she yells out.."Holy Mother of God".......thats my signal for me to get out of the house....FAST!!!!

Not at home: Sometimes (when we're at the grocery store) when she writes a check or uses the debit card. I'll make a statement in front of the cashier...."You know what the District Attorney told you about writing hot checks or insufficient funds!!!" "That's okay sweetie, you can do 5 years easy.....I'll wait for you." By then the cashier has a funny look on their face....and my wife is yelling at me and telling the cashier to not pay attention to me.

When we frequent the liquor stores, and its time to check out, I'll sometimes say......"Well, so much for your rehab." Or I'll say..."Dang, all that money for AA and it didn't do a dang bit of good." I usually get kicked in the shins for those comments.

Cohiba

 

[Zombie]

I always tell my wife that, "She's pretty good for my first wife."

Usually,when I do something which she considers stupid,and for some reason she finds out..... she yells out.."Holy Mother of God".......thats my signal for me to get out of the house....FAST!!!!

Not at home: Sometimes (when we're at the grocery store) when she writes a check or uses the debit card. I'll make a statement in front of the cashier...."You know what the District Attorney told you about writing hot checks or insufficient funds!!!" "That's okay sweetie, you can do 5 years easy.....I'll wait for you." By then the cashier has a funny look on their face....and my wife is yelling at me and telling the cashier to not pay attention to me.

When we frequent the liquor stores, and its time to check out, I'll sometimes say......"Well, so much for your rehab." Or I'll say..."Dang, all that money for AA and it didn't do a dang bit of good." I usually get kicked in the shins for those comments.

Cohiba

those are pretty good...

 

[Slammer]

This reminds me of a page or person on facebook. It's called "**** my dad says". I dint know who is behind it but is funn as he'll just like this thread.

 

[Eddie005]

My mom and my wife were sitting at the table and ragging on me to get the dishwasher loaded. I went to the cabinet and got a shot glass and a bottle of whiskey out and set them down in front of the wife. When mom asked what I was doing I said....Im getting the dishwasher loaded. They both had to laugh didnt want to but they did.

 

[XD-9Guy]

What the Ham Sandwich is going on?

 

[BadgeBunny]

And I thought my first wife was expensive ...