Funny things said around your house

[shooterdave]

My 4 yr. Old is big into Legos right now and the other day was trying to explain a certain Lego set he wanted. I told him I thought he had enough, and he answered "but dad, I need it to finish my cowwection". (collection). I realized he had heard me and my wife arguing earlier about why I "needed" to buy another Glock. I had told her that I needed it to finish my collection of .40 cal's. I bet the kid has better luck than I did.

 

[Glocktogo]

Her: Smartass!
Me: Dumb Bunny!

 

[chevysn1911s]

"why do you always let me die"
"battle rez me dammit"

I haven't had any toilet seat issues... except I prefer the lid down in addition to the seat... ***pulls out man card and prepares to hand it over***

Don't worry I'm the same also. I HATE the toilet seats up!

 

[JWE]

Not from me, but from another person to an soon to be ex:
"why don't you give us all an early Christmas present, and kill yourself."

 

[mhphoto]

"Goatees look like cat-butts."

"No they don't."

"Whatever. I'm making a sandwich."

 

[neginfluence04]

Newbie

 

[neginfluence04]

whats for dinner

lol same thing you had last night

well whats that

**** if i know you made your own dinner

 

[nofearfactor]

When my daughter was 2 or 3 she wanted to be a 'panfire' on Halloween. (Vampire). The next year it was a 'debil'. (Devil). Little did I know then that now at 16 she's both...

My son still gets a laugh out of asking a complete stranger,"hey,does this look infected?".

My German ex-mother in law who lives with my ex in Iowa calls Tulsa 'Toolsa'. Actually anything she says cracks me up since her English is terrible. My favorite is when she says 'tough kashitsky' about anything bad that happens. When I'm there for dinner my ex,her mother and father and grandmother speak German only at the table. After 17 years around them I know enough German to comprehend most things. Usually whatever it is their laughing about I just laugh with them not knowing if its me theyre laughing at or what. My daughter will some times whisper translate to me if its anything I dont know or if it is about me. If left in the room with the exes gramma,or Oma,who knows no English,I just make stuff up when trying to talk to her and its funny watching her trying to pronounce the stuff I made up- almost like Lewis Carrols 'Jabberwocky'. Mean but fun,especially when she repeats it to someone who knows its a bunch of ****.

 

[Honeybee]

"Hey guys, Watch This"

It is always followed by disaster!

 

[sdsconcrete]

You have more problems than a knocked up nun.