How to deal with a Divorce and kids

[Billybob]

Lucky for you, the courts in Okla have been moving to shared parenting for the last few years. It isn't as hard as it used to be to get shared custody. I can tell you this, one stupid move on your part will make it almost impossible to achieve this. I would suggest you eliminate any more threads concerning this issue, especially if she knows you frequent this site..

Agreed, I got full custody of my very young children,(2yr.old and 3yr.old) in 95 when it was a lot tougher. But even if it's changing you need to be careful and plan well.

 

[Lurkerinthewoods]

Playing devils advocate: if you go into court with these concerns, what answer do you have for the judge when he asks you "What actions did you take in the past, before any talk of a divorce started, to bring these concerns to the proper authorities?". I'm not sure how much credence the judge will give these, if you didn't feel strongly enough about it to report it in the past. I hope I'm wrong, and hope things work out for you

Based on my own custody battle for my daughter (which I won), the Judge will tell the parent raising the concern that in his opinion and the opinion of the law regarding child abuse/neglect , if one parent knowingly leaves the child in the presence of the other parent being accused of neglect or being under the influence of drugs or alcohol, that parent is just as responsible for abuse and or neglect and he would not find either parent fit for custody and remand the children to DHS custody until an investigation could be complete.

 

[RaysZ71]

Based on my own custody battle for my daughter (which I won), the Judge will tell the parent raising the concern that in his opinion and the opinion of the law regarding child abuse/neglect , if one parent knowingly leaves the child in the presence of the other parent being accused of neglect or being under the influence of drugs or alcohol, that parent is just as responsible for abuse and or neglect and he would not find either parent fit for custody and remand the children to DHS custody until an investigation could be complete.

I understand everyones concerns. However Im not going to do anything stupid because my ex or her tool are not more worth it then my kids. I know how to swallow my pride and bite my tongue. Our kids are never left alone with her. If Im not here, my mom is and she takes care of them.

 

[KenL]

Prayers sent for you Ray. Holler if I can help.

 

[Blue Baby]

I've been in the exact same boat before. Daughter was the Ex's and a son together. Initially I got joint custody of the son and she agreed to joint custody of the daughter too. Shortly after she went off the deep end and I got full custody of our son and guardianship of the daughter. 8 years later my daughter is in college and just now starting to regain a relationship with her mom. The boy goes to see her every other weekend and some during the summer.

My advice:
Hang in there, always take the high road
Keep a calendar of EVERYTHING that happens
Never involve the kids
Don't bring other love interest in the kids life until you're ready to marry again


You will likely go through the entire spectrum of emotions, just as i did. Be strong for the kids and show them how a man handles tough times.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[POSITIVE DISCONTENT]

Have you secured an atty yet? Ask around and Google any any names you do get. Look at the cases/divorces they are attached to and get one that isn't afraid of a trial (if it goes that far). I would highly consider a female atty. Judges tend to be softer on them. Took me 3 attys to get it right so don't be affraid to kick one to the curb. Wish I would have gotten the one I have now when I started. Are you still in the same house? Joint bank accounts? If you aren't out you need to find a place of your own, no roomates! Tough to do but judges frown on roomates when kids are involved... Remember DON'T SETTLE! ask for everything. You will be the ass up front but in the end you will be seen as the one who made concessions. If you have any questions feel free to send me a msg...

 

[Lurkerinthewoods]

Our kids are never left alone with her. If Im not here, my mom is and she takes care of them.

Fight like hell to keep it that way. And take the little bird's advice. PD went through hell with his divorce. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[Cowboy2000]

I have been there. If you can't forgive and feel the marriage is over, end it ASAP. It's like a big splinter in your body, the sooner you get it over with, the better you will be. The key to getting a divorce is having the best lawyer you can get, not just a runof the mill lawyer. If you don't have a lawyer, I know the greatest divorce lawyer iin okc/Norman area. I came out my divorce everthing going my way. For me, the divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me, should have done it years earlier. Regardless, it will hurt initially, if you are miserable, end it ASAP. Short term pain for long term gain. IMHO sticking around in a marriage with a woman that doesnt respect you just for the kids is ********. I can give you the number to my lawyer, feel free to pm.

 

[shootinpreacher48]

Wow sorry to hear about her that, i will pray for you and i do not even want to think about this happening to me, it makes me sick to my stomach just to think about your deal, more less if it happened to me. Be a positive influence on your kids and they will see the truth and who is right and that you care about them. God Bless and Keep Strong.

 

[OKMike]

Went thru the same 5 years ago. Stay focused on your kids, stay strong, don't say or do anything you will regret later. Pray daily if you are a praying man. I do daily for strength and patience, God is what brought me thru this period of my life. Get a good lawyer, document everything. Stay positive around kids. Good luck.