I have a female friend who is in trouble...

[emapples]

You can lead a horse to water...

I've seen this many times. Some women just can't cut things completely off with abusive guys.

They will cuss them, kick them, and try to kill them, but they just can't stay away from the dude.

Unfortunately, sometimes there's just nothing you can do for them.

I've seen men do this too keep chasing the one is crazy as hell in bed and out ....right up until they lose it all ....did it myself once

 

[deerwhacker444]

You've tried your best to get her to see the light, however, she has to be the one to take the initiative.

If this thing goes south, your name will inevitably come up and you'll be one of the first one the dude lashes out at. He'll think you betrayed him, so watch yourself..

 

[J.P. Harrah]

I've seen situations similar to this. Even if the police get involved, from what I've read, she might be the type to go bail him out.

 

[Okie4570]

I wish I had a nickel for every domestic I've ever been to.

There are several different stages of separation. What you described is the "obsession" stage. He's hurt, he's doing anything he can think of to get her back. Apparently she still has some feelings for him or she wouldn't keep letting him creep back in. This is now stalking and yes, PD needs to be notified, a report on file and a victim protection order. Yes, I would also say it's time to start procedures for a permit and carrying.

The next stage is worse. Once he realizes he's not going to get her back, he starts thinking "if I can't have her, no one will". This is when it's the most dangerous and they start doing stupid things.

I don't know of any law that would prevent a third party to report the situation out of sincere concern. My suggestion is to contact the PD and see if they can have an officer go knock on her door. She will either tell the story or try to deny everything. After a few hundred domestics an officer knows if he's getting smoke blown up his behind.

If the domestic abuse law hasn't changed, it's not required for either party to file the actual charges. If PD responds and have PC to believe that physical abuse has occurred, then the officer can file the charges. It's been a while since I've read it and it could have changed since I last read it.

If you care to look it up, it's in Title 21 Oklahoma State Law. There are also some attorneys on this board that I'm sure they will know current law better than me.

Seen it a bunch here too, they just keep this crazy idea in their head that he's going to change.......they never do.

 

[Dave70968]

I don't think based on what is going on now that she will be granted a restraining order, or that the nursing board will take any action whatsoever. It will just sound like a lover's spat/bad breakup kind of thing.

22 O.S. 60.2 (A): A. A victim of domestic abuse, a victim of stalking, a victim of harassment [emphasis mine], a victim of rape, any adult or emancipated minor household member on behalf of any other family or household member who is a minor or incompetent, or any minor age sixteen (16) or seventeen (17) years may seek relief under the provisions of the Protection from Domestic Abuse Act.

22 O.S. 60.1:

2. "Stalking" means the willful, malicious, and repeated following or harassment of a person by an adult, emancipated minor, or minor thirteen (13) years of age or older, in a manner that would cause a reasonable person to feel frightened, intimidated, threatened, harassed, or molested and actually causes the person being followed or harassed to feel terrorized, frightened, intimidated, threatened, harassed or molested. Stalking also means a course of conduct composed of a series of two or more separate acts over a period of time, however short, evidencing a continuity of purpose or unconsented contact with a person that is initiated or continued without the consent of the individual or in disregard of the expressed desire of the individual that the contact be avoided or discontinued. Unconsented contact or course of conduct includes, but is not limited to:


a. following or appearing within the sight of that individual,

b. approaching or confronting that individual in a public place or on private property,

c. appearing at the workplace or residence of that individual,

d. entering onto or remaining on property owned, leased, or occupied by that individual,

e. contacting that individual by telephone,

f. sending mail or electronic communications to that individual, or

g. placing an object on, or delivering an object to, property owned, leased or occupied by that individual;

3. "Harassment" means a knowing and willful course or pattern of conduct by a family or household member or an individual who is or has been involved in a dating relationship with the person, directed at a specific person which seriously alarms or annoys the person, and which serves no legitimate purpose. The course of conduct must be such as would cause a reasonable person to suffer substantial emotional distress, and must actually cause substantial distress to the person. "Harassment" shall include, but not be limited to, harassing or obscene telephone calls in violation of Section 1172 of Title 21 of the Oklahoma Statutes and fear of death or bodily injury;


Sounds to me like he clearly meets the definition of harassment, and probably stalking as well (the only question on stalking being whether or not she consented to the contact; she says no, but then doesn't stick to it). Even without the stalking, though, harassment is sufficient to get a VPO. Before she does that, though, she needs to file a complaint with law enforcement. 22 O.S. 60.2 (A)(1):

The person seeking relief may file a petition for a protective order with the district court in the county in which the victim resides, the county in which the defendant resides, or the county in which the domestic violence occurred. If the person seeking relief is a victim of stalking but is not a family or household member or an individual who is or has been in a dating relationship with the defendant, the person seeking relief must file a complaint against the defendant with the proper law enforcement agency before filing a petition for a protective order with the district court. The person seeking relief shall provide a copy of the complaint that was filed with the law enforcement agency at the full hearing if the complaint is not available from the law enforcement agency. Failure to provide a copy of the complaint filed with the law enforcement agency shall constitute a frivolous filing and the court may assess attorney fees and court costs against the plaintiff pursuant to paragraph 2 of subsection C of this section.

So...help her file the police report, help her file for a VPO, gather records showing his continued contact, and for heaven's sake, get her to stop talking to the guy!

 

[MacFromOK]

I've seen men do this too keep chasing the one is crazy as hell in bed and out ....right up until they lose it all ....did it myself once

Never could understand the mindset.

If a girl didn't want me, I couldn't get far enough (or fast enough) away from her.

 

[O4L]

I've seen men do this too keep chasing the one is crazy as hell in bed and out ....right up until they lose it all ....did it myself once

That's true, but in this case the person the OP is talking about is female so that's why my post is about my experiences with women in this situation.

 

[SPDguns]

You need to take her to a funeral home and ask her to pick out a stone, and when she asks why tell her ..."well.......Given the road you are heading down with this nut job you are going to need one soon and I just wanted to make sure it was one you liked"

You win. Mods please lock......

 

[emapples]

Never could understand the mindset.

If a girl didn't want me, I couldn't get far enough (or fast enough) away from her.

No I was talking about the ones that were so much fun you couldn't stay away even though you knew it was bad, bad , bad for you....

 

[J.P. Harrah]

I've seen men do this too keep chasing the one is crazy as hell in bed and out ....right up until they lose it all ....did it myself once

been there.. Dodged a few bullets thus far.