SQUIRREL HUNTER
In the East of Oklahoma to the south of Sallisaw,
Where the world is down to basics and it's tough to be the law,
Roamed a warden seeking poachers on a day not long ago,
And he spotted him a prospect in the bushes moving slow.
He came up behind the suspect in the way that he had learned,
And the fellow heard him coming so he stopped and slowly turned
To present a face so awful that the warden nearly cried,
But he smiled and said "good morning" with his pity kept inside.
And he said, "I'm checking hunters. What do you have in your sack?"
"Well I've got myself some squirrels and I'm just on my way back,"
Said the unattractive man and then he made it worse and grinned.
Said the warden, "May I count them?" as he tried not to offend.
So the follow dumped his squirrels on the grass there at their feet,
And they numbered not too many, but they looked a little neat.
The warden turned them over and he looked them up and down,
Then unsnapped his pistol holster with his face all gone to frown.
"You have trapped these squirrels and smothered them! I'm taking you away!
You're a dirty rotten poacher. Have you anything to say?"
The awful smile was gone but it was not replaced with fear.
"No I never trapped them squirrels though I guess it does seem queer
That they haven't got a mark upon their bodies you can find,
For you see I kill my squirrels with the power of my mind."
Or perhaps it's just my handsome face that makes them lose their breath.
It's a very simple matter--I just "ugly" them to death."
"I am really disappointed in your story. Come with me."
"Well I guess you don't believe me so perhaps you'd like to see."
So they found them a pecan tree with a squirrel in its crown,
And the ugly man grew silent and began to stare it down.
First the squirrel gave a chatter, then it stopped and grew quite still,
Then it tumbled from its limb and hit the ground, a hunter's kill.
"So you see that's how I do it and I hope that it's okay
That I keep this extra squirrel as I go upon my way.
"You can keep the extra squirrel," said the warden with a choke,
But I wonder if you'd tell me if you are the only bloke
Who can do the thing I saw you do. You're really quite a find
And I'd like to know if others can kill squirrels with their mind."
"Well we eat a lot of squirrels in these parts but you will see
That not many people bother to leave guns at home like me.
But there is one thing I'm sorry for. It really makes me sad.
For you see my wife can do it, but she tears 'em up too bad.
.........criticalbass
Old hunting joke turned into verse . . .
In the East of Oklahoma to the south of Sallisaw,
Where the world is down to basics and it's tough to be the law,
Roamed a warden seeking poachers on a day not long ago,
And he spotted him a prospect in the bushes moving slow.
He came up behind the suspect in the way that he had learned,
And the fellow heard him coming so he stopped and slowly turned
To present a face so awful that the warden nearly cried,
But he smiled and said "good morning" with his pity kept inside.
And he said, "I'm checking hunters. What do you have in your sack?"
"Well I've got myself some squirrels and I'm just on my way back,"
Said the unattractive man and then he made it worse and grinned.
Said the warden, "May I count them?" as he tried not to offend.
So the follow dumped his squirrels on the grass there at their feet,
And they numbered not too many, but they looked a little neat.
The warden turned them over and he looked them up and down,
Then unsnapped his pistol holster with his face all gone to frown.
"You have trapped these squirrels and smothered them! I'm taking you away!
You're a dirty rotten poacher. Have you anything to say?"
The awful smile was gone but it was not replaced with fear.
"No I never trapped them squirrels though I guess it does seem queer
That they haven't got a mark upon their bodies you can find,
For you see I kill my squirrels with the power of my mind."
Or perhaps it's just my handsome face that makes them lose their breath.
It's a very simple matter--I just "ugly" them to death."
"I am really disappointed in your story. Come with me."
"Well I guess you don't believe me so perhaps you'd like to see."
So they found them a pecan tree with a squirrel in its crown,
And the ugly man grew silent and began to stare it down.
First the squirrel gave a chatter, then it stopped and grew quite still,
Then it tumbled from its limb and hit the ground, a hunter's kill.
"So you see that's how I do it and I hope that it's okay
That I keep this extra squirrel as I go upon my way.
"You can keep the extra squirrel," said the warden with a choke,
But I wonder if you'd tell me if you are the only bloke
Who can do the thing I saw you do. You're really quite a find
And I'd like to know if others can kill squirrels with their mind."
"Well we eat a lot of squirrels in these parts but you will see
That not many people bother to leave guns at home like me.
But there is one thing I'm sorry for. It really makes me sad.
For you see my wife can do it, but she tears 'em up too bad.
.........criticalbass
Old hunting joke turned into verse . . .
