Best excuses you have heard for missing work

[Catt57]

Prolly the strangest one I ever had to use. It was here in Oklahoma. I couldn't get to work one Winter day because my truck was literally frozen in place. I had to use hot water to melt the ice off the door and then found the tires were stuck fast to the ground. I tried hot water to melt the ice from the tires but by the time I got the last tire unfrozen the other 3 had refrozen. At this time I didn't have any sand or salt or other resources so i was stuck. I finally made in later in the day after the sun melted the ice away. (And then bought some tubes of sand on the way back home that evening.)

 

[vvvvvvv]

"She was in the mood, I couldn't leave her"

 

[CHenry]

"Boss, I no come to work today, I no feel so good"
Me: Sorry to hear that Jose, when I dont feel good I get my wife to give me sex and that helps sometimes, you should try it".
"Boss, that was good idea, I feel better, I'll be to work in 30 min. Oh, and you got nice house".

 

[okie362]

Airman: Sergeant, I need to leave early today if you don't mind.
Me: Is everything alright?
Airman: Yes but my wife just called and said she was getting pregnant at 1500 and I'd like to be there for it!
Me: (Blank Stare) Ummm...Sure thing Airman. In fact why don't you go now just in case you get a flat tire on the way.

 

[Pokinfun]

Airman: Sergeant, I need to leave early today if you don't mind.
Me: Is everything alright?
Airman: Yes but my wife just called and said she was getting pregnant at 1500 and I'd like to be there for it!
Me: (Blank Stare) Ummm...Sure thing Airman. In fact why don't you go now just in case you get a flat tire on the way.

We had a guy that called in because his wife was ovulating, temp was correct for her to get pregnant. However, they had been trying for years to get pregnant and were going to a fertility doctor.

 

[nofearfactor]

A lady in David Lettermans audience told this one once.

She said she called in to take the day off because she 'almost' had a heart attack. Her kids had played a prank on her by unzipping the pants of her husband who was napping on the sofa and sticking a chicken leg halfway out of his open pants. She came in the room to find the cat up on her husband eating the chicken leg of which she thought was his penis. Thus the 'almost' heart attack and reason she couldn't come in to work that day.

In my businesses my people were paid by how much they put in. No work no pay. Same for the boss too tho in my case.

(Tapatalk)- on the road.

 

[AirMech74]

I worked with a guy that called in sick his first two days on the job.....He was notified on a Friday that he had the job and could start Monday....called in Monday and Tues....that was a sign of things to come.

Worked with another guy, a lot younger...would always have an excuse to take off or work half a day on Friday...so he could take his boat out to the lake on the weekend...and would almost always call in on Monday saying he didn't feel good. Even called our box once to tell him that he would not be in on Thursday cause it was his birthday and some friends came in from out of town and he was gonna get F'n Blasted. He pushed his limits and came in intoxicated on day...in the middle of the week...he was given 3 days off without pay and then terminated. He was 22. I hope he realized that coming in drunk and working on planes and helicopters belonging to Federal Law Enforcement wasn't a good idea.

 

[p238shooter]

We were scheduled three weeks early to show up for a Friday - Saturday electrical revamp project for one of our best customers. One of our workers could have talked to the boss early and the owner would have worked with him and scheduled another person to fill his place, but no, he waited till Friday morning to call in SICK after he was sure the WX was OK for the weekend.

He was posted in the Monday morning paper of coming in 2nd in a Friday - Saturday bass tournament. He was fired Monday afternoon.

 

[RidgeHunter]

We had a guy that called in because his wife was ovulating, temp was correct for her to get pregnant. However, they had been trying for years to get pregnant and were going to a fertility doctor.

Why do breeders think it's acceptable to talk so graphically about their fawking in mixed company?

"Hey boss, I've been blowin' loads on my girlfriends tits for years." would be frowned upon in many settings but I have to hear about couples "trying" at Thanksgiving in front of god and my grandmother.

 

[John6185]

My boss told me I could call in sick from being sick of the job..stress sickness. I found out it worked and I felt much better when I returned to work.
Then when I was in the military the old timers told me if" I was late for work, go on sick all and they can't touch you." I only had to do this once when I accidently overslept.