My son dropped a bomb on me yesterday

[Fredkrueger100]

So my son wanted to talk to me yesterday about something. We talked about God and how he sometimes doesn’t believe He exists. I tried to talk with him like I have in the past to prove that He does. All of the sudden he starts breaking down and bawling. My son just turned 15 last week. I asked him what was wrong and he just kept crying and hiding his face. I kept asking him and he finally said “ I like both boys and girls”. My heart sank into my stomach when I heard those words. I’m still sick to my stomach about it. I didn’t get mad or anything I just talked with him about it and told him that it was wrong and that he cannot do it. Then I tried to explain why it’s no different than other sins. I tried to offer some comfort and relate to him as best I could. He said that’s why he was doubting God because why would God allow him to be that way. I told him God has nothing to do with it. We have mental issues on both sides of the families and he takes medicine for ADHD and depression.

I don’t know if it’s just a phase that he is goin through or what. I just don’t know how to feel other than sick and hurt. I love my son more than anything and just want the best for him. I want y’all to know how hard this is for me to share. It’s tearing me up. I don’t know if I should take him to counseling or something like that or not. He sees a psychiatrist for his adhd and depression so I could mention it to them. I’m still shocked that he told me because he knows I’m a Christian and he knows how I feel about that stuff. But again, as I tried to explain, sin is sin to God. Unless it’s blasphemy. Everything can be forgiven if we repent. I told him that it’s a struggle for me to not lust and I have to fight it every day. So I told him he has to fight any feelings he may have and not give in to them. But he has never been out with a girl or a boy before. He don’t go to peoples houses and no one comes to ours. So I don’t have to worry about him doing anything right now. And he home schools now. Anyway, I had to get this off my chest. Any ideas or help would be much appreciated. I would also ask that anyone that will, to say a prayer for my son and my family. Thanks.

 

[surjimmy]

Prayers sent, I can understand how you feel and you need to do what you think is best for you and yours. I am believer about like you, but remember this. He can't help what sex he is attracted too any more then you can help being attracted to women.

 

[BobbyV]

All I can recommend is prayer . . . ask for God's guidance and He'll provide the answers you're seeking.

 

[RickN]

In my younger days I worked as a bouncer, sometimes in gay bars. I saw a lot of young people who's parents had disowned them or handled it all wrong. They lost their kid because of it. Later many outgrew being gay or bi and still will not even talk to their parents.

The worse thing you can do is make him feel guilty or unloved because of his feelings. Be supportive of him. You can do it without condoning him feeling bi. Tell him you believe it is wrong but you love him anyway.

 

[tRidiot]

I will pray for you and him both. This is a really tough situation to be in, for you, but even worse for him.

Alcoholics fight the urge to drink.
Sex addicts deal with urges to pursue meaningless hookups.
Gambling addict fight their demons as well.

We all have problems, but the hope and joy he can hold onto is the love, support, and encouragement of his family AND from God. Help him find positive activities in the church to be involved in. Embrace him with love and acceptance as a father. He NEEDS his father to be encouraging, not condemning. God will love him no matter what. We all fail, we all fall, we all stumble. The important thing is to make sure he knows he can come and talk to you without judgement. He needs your support and acceptance more than anything else in his physical life. DON'T let him ostracize himself from you or your family or church OR GOD because of SHAME.

I have seen children commit suicide over things like this... your son is struggling and it is a MASSIVE positive that he came to you to ask for your help and advice. You will struggle with you OWN acceptance of whatever he does, and you can tell him God tells us not to do certain things, but you ABSOLUTELY CANNOT let him think you don't accept him, don't love him or are passing judgement on him. He is at an incredibly difficult passage in his life and development. You have to give it up to God - you can't fix him. Let God deal with God's responsibilities, you need to be his father.

He needs you now more than ever.


<edit> I just want you to know I am truly heartbroken for you and him both. I can't imagine the pain you are both going through, but I truly WILL pray for you both.

 

[JD8]

I spent many years working in the hospitality industry, worked will all walks of life. There's a LOT of messed up kids out there because their parent's attitudes towards their sexuality. Nothing will crush a BOY faster than a father that thinks something is wrong with him and doesn't accept him for who he is. I'd reconsider how you look at things, is it mental? does he need to see a psychiatrist? etc. Instead, I'd offer him support and things will work their way out, one way or another. Of which you may not approve or like the outcome, or you might be pleasantly surprised. The alternative, is to try to influence a change in him, which never works..... kid usually ends up on drugs or deeper into a world you would't approve of.

 

[tRidiot]

He mentioned he already sees a psychiatrist. Although I'll warn you, any psychiatrist, counselor, etc., these days is more than likely just going to tell him everything is fine, he doesn't need to worry about being bisexual. They're going to reinforce the world's idea that is ok. not just ok but "perfectly normal."

 

[slas]

I have a son also that I love with all my heart. Just as you, I could never disown him regardless of how he felt sexually. We are also strong Christians and often pray together and discuss God in today's world. All I can offer up is to pray and continually ask for guidance. Be strong in your faith and continue to love him with all your heart and let him know you will always be there for him regardless. I am praying for you and your son.

 

[Okie4570]

Just keep loving him and be there for him.

 

[SMS]

Prayer's for your boy.