The other night I heard my wife say to the dog "Just lay down and be a dog!!"
I'm going through a divorce atm. My soon to be ex-wife has three kids right. so she says to me the other day (mind you they live in my house and I pay all the bills) "hey your going to be single soon wouldn't it be easier if you move out and let us stay here?" I almost had a heart attack from laughing so hard. She was joking in the long run but I found it extremely funny at the time. I guess you would have to know our situation and how things used to be to get the full effect of what happened but none the less it was still funny.
I always tell my wife that, "She's pretty good for my first wife."
Usually,when I do something which she considers stupid,and for some reason she finds out..... she yells out.."Holy Mother of God".......thats my signal for me to get out of the house....FAST!!!!
Not at home: Sometimes (when we're at the grocery store) when she writes a check or uses the debit card. I'll make a statement in front of the cashier...."You know what the District Attorney told you about writing hot checks or insufficient funds!!!" "That's okay sweetie, you can do 5 years easy.....I'll wait for you." By then the cashier has a funny look on their face....and my wife is yelling at me and telling the cashier to not pay attention to me.
When we frequent the liquor stores, and its time to check out, I'll sometimes say......"Well, so much for your rehab." Or I'll say..."Dang, all that money for AA and it didn't do a dang bit of good." I usually get kicked in the shins for those comments.
Cohiba
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