Opposite Sex Friends in the Bible Belt

[RidgeHunter]

I went with my best dude friend's old lady to help pick out a present for him recently, and the 'ol boys at the store were blown away when they found out I was not her boyfriend - that her boyfriend was at home. They were all "then who's this guy if your boyfriend's not here?". One asked if I was her brother. Even after we explained the situation to them, they looked at each other with cocked eyebrows and continued with "so ya'll are out alone?" stuff. Yeah dude, I dunno about your momma's house, but a present is generally a surprise where I come from. It was weird. They were chatting to each other about us under their breath. Sometimes we'll go do stuff or grab a drink, etc. I've known these people most of my life, and they have way more conservative relationship values than me even. I think we can trust each other.

One of my best buddies is a chick. The ******* boyfriend of one of our mutual friends told her "You guys aren't real friends; you're just using him. You're not even fawking him." Which is a ridiculously sexist thing to say for one, as if the only thing a woman can bring to her social relationships is her vagina, but beyond that she explained to him that RH lives with a chick that bangs him...I'm just his buddy. And we trade off buying each other drinks/dinner when we're out, get each other presents, help move, etc. How is that using me? Like she owes me sex if she wants me to like her? I hear that a lot. I'm no male feminist but that's kind of offensive. Of course I made sure my girlfriend became friends with her and she was over at our house all the time before she moved...I wouldn't be sneaky with another woman of course. I'm an open book. But we've taken trips together alone and HOLY HELL does that get me a lot of incredulous "are you kidding me!?! your girlfriend is OK with that?" Family, friends, strangers...etc. One guy's high-pitched incredulous voice actually startled me he was so worked up. All ages give me this, but mainly older, and always from the Midwest/South. Muh big city friends don't even give it a second though.

I mean, what's the big deal? Like I'm gonna risk losing either my old lady or my best good chick buddy by awkardly trying to bang her? Really? I'm still young, but it's been a couple years since my sex drive completely overruled my brain.

What say you men (and BadgeBunny)? Are you OK with tied down folks hangin' (but not bangin') with the opposite sex? Would you let your worse half do it? My feelings are if a cheater 'gon cheat they 'gon cheat anyways, and they are more likely to do it in secrecy ne-wayz. What about the "a guy who is friends with a chick he's not banging is a loser in the friendzone" sheet? Anyone subscribe to that? Are women only good for their vaginas? I mean they are warm and wet, but so is Houston, and that's not the only reason to like America, ya dig?

 

[aviator41]

There are entire sections of psychology that deal with the 'friend zone' issue. There have been official research studies done on it.

Typically, men and women want different things from an opposite-sex friendship and those things class eventually. The friendship can breed distrust, jealousy, confusion, blurred boundaries and a whole host of other problems that manifest themselves outside of the immediate friendship.

Typically, to collateral damage is immense and the friendship falls apart as it takes it's toll on other relationships the two parties have.

In short, if neither of you are feeling the ill effects your mutual friendship has on your lives, great! But don't expect that to last. Eventually it will take a toll, as the rest of the world is indicating to you.

 

[okie362]

A buddy is a buddy and you don't owe anyone an explanation.

 

[RidgeHunter]

There are entire sections of psychology that deal with the 'friend zone' issue. There have been official research studies done on it.

Typically, men and women want different things from an opposite-sex friendship and those things class eventually. The friendship can breed distrust, jealousy, confusion, blurred boundaries and a whole host of other problems that manifest themselves outside of the immediate friendship.

Typically, to collateral damage is immense and the friendship falls apart as it takes it's toll on other relationships the two parties have.

In short, if neither of you are feeling the ill effects your mutual friendship has on your lives, great! But don't expect that to last. Eventually it will take a toll, as the rest of the world is indicating to you.

I guess I can give you that, if I can change "eventually it will" to "eventually it may". It's certainly a factor that could strain a relationship, but so are a host of other things. I think usually if it causes a falling out it's just a catalyst/tangible thing to fight about in a relationship already lacking trust, honesty, and stability.

I think if I have a falling out with my she friend it'll only happen if she shacks up with a dude who hates me (she's single) - a possibility I try to prepare for. My current girlfriend is fine with it (they get along great), and anyone I date in the future in the event we hit Splitsville would have to be too. It's pretty important to me. My mom and my dad are pushing 30 years married and they each have a rally close opposite sex friend they've had since high school. Maybe why it seems normal to me. My mom's dude friend stayed with us when his wife kicked him out when I was in high school. My mom taught him how to be domestic when he had to live on his own for the first time. Lawl. He's got him a post-deevorce dime 20 years his junior now. I can assure you in 35 years of friendship, none of these people banged. My parent's alone disprove the "eventually it will".

 

[RidgeHunter]

I view it the opposite, actually. I say that much insecurity in a relationship is bigger indicator of an unhealthy relationship.

We were out to eat for a birthday party thing and my old lady saw a friend from high school. She did theater with him. The chatted for a long time. I hear the ***** talkin' 24/7, ya know? I welcome somebody else talking to her when we're out. I'll go talk to someone I don't fawking live with for a rare change. A family member and her boyfriend made it a point to call me over and question what was going on. One tried to placate me by implying he was probably gay anyways. The next day the same brochismo family member's boyfriend was like "you were pissed, huh?" and my sister was like "WTF are you talking about? RH wasn't pissed." I was all, dude, I don't give a fawk who she talks to as long as she's in the car with me when it's time to go home. What wasted energy. This is the kind of idiot that does get pissed over stuff like that. Dollars to donuts brochismo has a break up before I do.

Brochismo's chick does the same thing. She once got furious because a girl was flirting with him. Some real Jerry Springer "YOU DON'T KNOW ME OR MUH MAN" stuff, just toned down and classed up a bit. A turd in gold foil don't pass for a chocolate bar, tho. Some little hippie hottie aggressively flirted with me once in front of my girl because I played a Neil Young song on the jukebox and it made her swoon and we got deep into a discussion of the Ditch Trilogy and seeing Neil live, etc. I just look over at the old lady and was all smug abut being a hot commodity. She just laughed and told me to deflate my head. Life's too short to look for more fights than friends, people.

 

[Grindstone]

I went with my best dude friend's old lady to help pick out a present for him recently, and the 'ol boys at the store were blown away when they found out I was not her boyfriend - that her boyfriend was at home. They were all "then who's this guy if your boyfriend's not here?". One asked if I was her brother. Even after we explained the situation to them, they looked at each other with cocked eyebrows and continued with "so ya'll are out alone?" stuff. Yeah dude, I dunno about your momma's house, but a present is generally a surprise where I come from. It was weird. They were chatting to each other about us under their breath. Sometimes we'll go do stuff or grab a drink, etc. I've known these people most of my life, and they have way more conservative relationship values than me even. I think we can trust each other.

One of my best buddies is a chick. The ******* boyfriend of one of our mutual friends told her "You guys aren't real friends; you're just using him. You're not even fawking him." Which is a ridiculously sexist thing to say for one, as if the only thing a woman can bring to her social relationships is her vagina, but beyond that she explained to him that RH lives with a chick that bangs him...I'm just his buddy. And we trade off buying each other drinks/dinner when we're out, get each other presents, help move, etc. How is that using me? Like she owes me sex if she wants me to like her? I hear that a lot. I'm no male feminist but that's kind of offensive. Of course I made sure my girlfriend became friends with her and she was over at our house all the time before she moved...I wouldn't be sneaky with another woman of course. I'm an open book. But we've taken trips together alone and HOLY HELL does that get me a lot of incredulous "are you kidding me!?! your girlfriend is OK with that?" Family, friends, strangers...etc. One guy's high-pitched incredulous voice actually startled me he was so worked up. All ages give me this, but mainly older, and always from the Midwest/South. Muh big city friends don't even give it a second though.

I mean, what's the big deal? Like I'm gonna risk losing either my old lady or my best good chick buddy by awkardly trying to bang her? Really? I'm still young, but it's been a couple years since my sex drive completely overruled my brain.

What say you men (and BadgeBunny)? Are you OK with tied down folks hangin' (but not bangin') with the opposite sex? Would you let your worse half do it? My feelings are if a cheater 'gon cheat they 'gon cheat anyways, and they are more likely to do it in secrecy ne-wayz. What about the "a guy who is friends with a chick he's not banging is a loser in the friendzone" sheet? Anyone subscribe to that? Are women only good for their vaginas? I mean they are warm and wet, but so is Houston, and that's not the only reason to like America, ya dig?

And in the same breath, these people decry Islamic societies for their "backwardness". Nations like Saudi Arabia are only taking the exact same concept a few steps further by banning women from being alone with any males other than their owner/husband/father, etc.

It's funny how sex-focused supposedly "pure" people can get. If they can't consider women without thinking of sex, then they probably should not be allowed to be alone with women.

 

[RidgeHunter]

It's funny how sex-focused supposedly "pure" people can get.

True, but to be fair to the pure-religious types, only a couple of dissenters I've had to hear have been such. Most are shacked up, depraved, formerly promiscuous hedonists arguing the "muh man/woman best not so much look at anyone else below the eyes" argument, not "a man and a woman shall not cavort in public unless wed before God." argument. 90% of people who have **** to say do so out of jealousy/insecurity or whatever it is, not religion.

Anyways, interesting topic. Seems a juvenile thought process to me. I was taught people are people and you should be friends with anyone you want.

 

[cktad]

It has been my experience having been on this ball of mud for 65 years, that any guy who had a women for a close friend usually ended up banging her. Not scientific just what I have seen. In way it makes sense as they wouldn't hang out with him/her unless there was some kind of attraction. I have also seen one of the two end up having wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend problems and the friend ends up "consoling" her.

But, I am an old fart and maybe the youngsters are more disciplined.

 

[HiredHand]

I don't care who you are banging or not banging, it is none of my business.

 

[Lurker66]

I dunno man, I think its ok and cool.....freinds are freinds in my book. Ive been married 28 years and my wife or me doesnt have a jealous bone in our body. As ive gotten older ive gotten a lil more flirty with waitresses n such but id never cross the line.

My wife hits up the chip n dale places with her friends n ive hit a few strip clubs....nada big deal we dwell on.

I do think some chicks/women make good buddies but for me thats where itd stop. 1 old momma is all I ever wanna pay for.