Opposite Sex Friends in the Bible Belt

[RidgeHunter]

I have some female friends that I hang out with. For some reason, I tend to make friends with women fairly easily. Anyway, I always tell my wife when I'm hanging out with another woman, and she doesn't have a problem with it because she knows I'm a faithful kinda dude. And the women I hang out with know that in some parallel universe I would love to hop into the sack with them, but I won't in this one because I am committed to my loving awesome wife.

You makes friends with women easily because you are a good dude. Your wife trusts you because you are a good dude.

You seem to be one of the happiest families around, it's evident from your posts alone. I wish ya'll many good years to come.

 

[montesa]

Of course it's possible for platonic friendships between men and women to work out. It just usually doesn't. My opinion of course. When I'm in a relationship I make sure I'm not alone with someone of the opposite sex just to be sure there's no trouble or confusion. Many of my friends are like you Ridge, think thats silly.

 

[Sanford]

Fell into an opposite-sex best friend relationship with a young lady in college in 1972. After years helping each other get over other failed relationships and a marriage or two on both sides we hit a point where we were both unattached and sort of drifted into talking about marriage over coffee at some all night restaurant in Tulsa - may have been the old Dobb's House if it was still there in 1991.

The first few months were awesome, but in the end it only lasted a little over a year - mostly a result of each of us having brought too much old baggage along. We spoke one time on the phone after splitting up to resolve some legal issue or other, and never again. I read her name in the obits in 2012, and came to realize how much I did and still do miss my best friend of so many years.

Just something to think about. And to the OP - yes, pretty much everyone (including our parents) assumed we were having sex from the start ... which we were, just not with each other until after we married.

 

[RidgeHunter]

Quick test: Is there ANYTHING concerning the friend or how you act with them that, however innocently, YOUR significant other or theirs does NOT know?
If the answer is YES to even the smallest thing, WATCH OUT.

Depends on your values and maturity. Expect scrutiny and deal with it.

The answer to your test is no. It takes work to keep it that way. I make sure to put in that work. And if my SO didn't like her, things would change. We've both saw each other through distancing of other friends we thought were negative influences. Sometime you need outide perspective, ya know.

Expecting scrutiny and dealing with it is good advice. It gets annoying tho, because the only time I stick my nose in other peoples business is a reaction to them doing it to me. I guess I need to learn to not be so reactionary.

 

[RidgeHunter]

I guess the lesson learned is just to let people like our friend's borderline abusive unemployed musician boyfriend tell my buddy and I we aren't real friends because unless we are fawking, she is using me. Never mind I have another woman to fawk, and if we broke up, I could and would find another. Never mind that. Let him tell a woman with a doctorate (did I tell you guys my friend is smart?) who has traveled the world and had more life experience than I could imagine having that her only value as a person is her vagina, and I couldn't possibly like her for any other reason.

They have a right to this misogynist opinion, after all, and they certainly have a right to insult us to our faces. Because they done did lived it and they by god know.

Getting laid is not difficult, guys. It's not that difficult to get a date. Like I say, I have female relatives I don't fawk too. Physically, we could, right? How do we control it? Not every women in one's life is a sex partner. It's that simple to me. I am smart enough to save the drama and not fawk my friends, even if the GF and I break up. I have no more desire to fawk my friends than I do to marry a high school classmate. It's a big world. Meet new people.

Fawk a friend, single or in a cheat, and deal with weirdness and drama at best. Fawk someone new and nothing bad happens. Hmm. It confuses me that this is a difficult choice to some guys.

How do you guys feel about step siblings? They sometimes bang. More often they don't tho, because most find it disturbing. If they are attractive and not blood related, how do they control themselves? They aren't real siblings after all. What about my adopted cousin with non-adopted sisters? How are they not fawking each other all the time? He should never be alone with his "sisters", right? They might accidentally copulate, because copulating is a thing that occurs all on its own. It's beyond our control.

 

[Rod Snell]

Some criticism needs to be dealt with like the old "Rumor Control" posters in the military said:

1. Consider the source
2. Laugh it off
3. Don't repeat it

 

[RidgeHunter]

Some criticism needs to be dealt with like the old "Rumor Control" posters in the military said:

1. Consider the source
2. Laugh it off
3. Don't repeat it

Gotcha. My admitted maturity struggle is my temptation to engage/react to people in situations like this. I need to work on that. Hopefully I grow out of it when each year that ticks by is stronger evidence I'm doing some things right to my dissenters.

I mean, the main ones to drop this criticism (like the musician slob) have had worse relationship problems than anyone I know, and are way less happy than me. I need to learn to drop the urge to make small people feel smaller.

 

[dieseltech09]

If you don't care what other peoples opinions are then why do you keep asking? If your happy and you and yours can deal with it than good for you. Congratulations you are in the small minority that can make it work cause most cant.

 

[bettingpython]

For me, it's about respect.

I respect my wife, and I respect my buddies. I'm not very prude at all, and really blunt, so it's not about avoiding an issue by being passive-aggressive. It's about avoiding a tarpit.

I want wife to know that she's the only female I pal around with. And my buddies know I'm not going to be mr sexy to their ladies when they are gone. It's not weird, it's polite.

I have no issue being around females (ie: buying a gift for a friend, planning something, or texting some help) but it better be for a reason other than just killing time or hanging out.

If I'm cutting up and taking it easy with a female that isn't my wife, there are other people involved, mark it down.

Yuhp. I helped a friends wife out with a video she was having problems with putting together and burning to disc. He was at work, my wife was teaching class that night had she not had other friends of hers their I would not have worked on it at her home. I would've grabbed the raw files and worked on it at my home then made the 20 mile drive back to drop off the finished disc.

 

[Shootin 4 Fun]

I think that I get it. You're her non-gay gay friend. Something tells me that she knows......