Marriage takes much work and have maintenance schedules, just like cars. Do what it takes to keep either a car or wifey for 50 years and they both become priceless. Both cars and marriages suffer from "lot rot." You have to do the work to keep them running. Is God involved in there anywhere? Makes all the difference.
The way I did it was quick within a few days and to the letter-meaning I indicated what was to be and the female lawyer took it all down and the ex signed and I kept my retirement-all of it! In 30 days the Judge signed the papers and I literally jumped up as I was going out the building and clicked my heels.
Should have done it 24 years earlier and I'd have had a better life.
Ah well, got a good one now.
Should have done it 24 years earlier and I'd have had a better life.
Ah well, got a good one now.
Good luck.
I gotta disagree with That Goil
I think people marry these days thinking well if it doesn’t work I’ll just divorce (him/her)
I gotta disagree with That Goil
I think people marry these days thinking well if it doesn’t work I’ll just divorce (him/her)
You know you may be right. It's no doubt this world is not the one I grew up in ... OMG I'm not only OLD I'm OBSOLETE too!!
We have been married over 21 years and together almost 23 so this is really tough.
I have been told more than once by both men and women going through divorces (and it has been my limited experience also) that divorce, in general, is much tougher on men than it is women.
I have my own admittedly very slanted view on why this is true. My advice would be, if it looks like she really is determined to move on, that you find a non-self-destructive way to move on also. And the sooner the better.
Don't let her use your feelings for what you had or what may have been against you. And, this is gonna sound WAY worse than I mean for it to, but ... The second best thing you can do for yourself RIGHT NOW, after hiring a good divorce attorney, is sit down and make a list of housekeeping chores that need to be done. You know, all the stuff that just got magically done around the house (washing the dishes BEFORE the last one in the cabinet is dirty), changing the sheets on the bed every week, making the bed every morning when you get out of it, cleaning the bathroom (and yes, that means scrubbing the toilet inside and out and wiping down the adjacent walls if you are one of those guys who thinks it's unmanly to sit down to piss. If you stand you have splatter.
).I know it sounds like I'm picking on you right now and it seems like I am saying she contributed more to keeping y'alls home up but that is not what I am saying. Just men and women have different priorities when it comes to making a house a home and I've seen more than one man fall into a horrible depression because their new place (or the old one if they were the ones who kept it) just isn't the same. One of the reasons it isn't the same is because you do not have that invisible fairy would made your home comfortable.
That is gonna fall on you now. It's a big change but trust me, you will be glad you started doing those things now, when you don't feel like it, than later, when you have no idea how things got so out of hand and how you are gonna fix it.
Again, I'm really sorry you are having to go through this. In a lot of ways a divorce is just like death. You are dealing with losing something (your marriage) and someone (your wife) that you believed would be the two constants in your life, for the rest of your life.
Don't beat yourself up over what went wrong. If she's willing to meet you halfway (cuz none of this is ALL your fault), great -- y'all might be able to fix it. If not, get up out of the ditch, pick the gravel outta your ass, hike up your pants and move on. (Advice an old, old cowboy gave me once when I found myself in a bad way and couldn't find comfort in anything but a bottle of whiskey. That pissy ******* saved me from becoming that drunk old woman in the bar everyone wonders what went so bad for that all she wants is the bottle.)
I never had a problem walking away, why would I want a woman that doesn't want me? but I never had kids either that makes it much easier
Yeah ... The hardest relationship I walked away from was long term. Not married but might as well been. It was all there but the piece of paper. I would have died for that man. Unfortunately he did not feel the same about me. Probably why we never married. He loved the things I did for him, but not me. Didn't mean he didn't care for me, he just wasn't in love with me. Wasn't his fault. Not like he ever mislead me. I was the one who tried to make it something it wasn't.
Public education should pay you to stand before and speak to every High school aged female. The changes we would see in our society would be uncountable!
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