I'm gonna print this and show my wife why I'm this way...
I retired from 24 years of active duty in the USAF, about 18 months ago, and I think I have made the adjustment pretty well. However, some things are hard to get used to. I miss the camaraderie that seemed to always be present, to one extent or another in my squadrons, and I miss the fact that everyone...ok...most of my peers, superiors, and subordinates actually cared about the mission and each other. I also miss the fact that what we were there to do was bigger than ourselves and bigger than a profit motive or even a personal goal (like selling the most widgets). You can find each of those things in other activities in life but rarely all together.
I don't mind civilian attitudes because they are usually based upon ignorance of or romantic notions of the military but sometimes they are based upon strong prejudices and that does bother me (war mongering, baby-killers, etc.) I did have trouble relating to some of my peers at a high school reunion. Most were financially very successful but they also seemed focused on, frankly, very petty concerns and focused on the most trivial of details which in their discussions were magnified into matters of great importance. OTOH - some had chosen paths in life that were at least as significant as anything I did - emergency room DRs, a couple of NYC firemen and cops, a number doing very significant medical research work, etc.
I do find that I am most comfortable discussing my previous career with either active duty military or fellow retirees but I also don't feel compelled to discuss my past career with everyone I meet.
I don't mind civilian attitudes because they are usually based upon ignorance of or romantic notions of the military but sometimes they are based upon strong prejudices and that does bother me (war mongering, baby-killers, etc.) I did have trouble relating to some of my peers at a high school reunion. Most were financially very successful but they also seemed focused on, frankly, very petty concerns and focused on the most trivial of details which in their discussions were magnified into matters of great importance. OTOH - some had chosen paths in life that were at least as significant as anything I did - emergency room DRs, a couple of NYC firemen and cops, a number doing very significant medical research work, etc.
I do find that I am most comfortable discussing my previous career with either active duty military or fellow retirees but I also don't feel compelled to discuss my past career with everyone I meet.
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I've never been in the military. However, I've seen quite a few "losers" come out of the military. I've also seen some people that I trust with my life, and are some of the best people I know. Vets are.simply people. There are losers, and there are the righteous. I'd say in the same proportion as civi life. Lest we forget hang bangers are enlisting, and coming back to their lifestyle with tactics and weapon handling skills? Timothy Mcvay (sp?) Military doesn't make the man. What does is when a man of character serves his country and takes advantage of the opportunities.
I did two tours at training commands, the first as a avionics dept head and SR E on the second. 32 courses which ranged from 1 week to 18 months in length with an average of 1600 students per year. We had twice as many captains masts as the two operational squadrons we were feeding graduates to. From failed urinalysis, insubordination, UA(awol for you others), drunk on duty, etc etc etc. If you take offense to the word loser, it's because you weren't the one doing the paperwork and babysitting them daily until they were civilians again which usually took 90 -120 days each.
Consider yourself spared, and many other things.
First off, I'm not military. I don't claim to have an inkling of an idea what a soldier goes through in combat. I don't claim to know what I would do in a combat situation. I know what I hope I would be able to do, but no one knows until they are there.
That said, I was at a bar the other night. I got to talking with some guys for a while and found out they were both military. Both had been in Iraq AND Afghanistan. We talked for a while. One guy showed me his bullet would. I thanked both of them for their service and bought them both a beer. We got along great. Another fella, who just came out to have a smoke, overheard them telling war stories. He came over, offered his thanks, then began to go into detail about how he isn't military, but he had such a bad childhood and life that he thinks he has PTSD, so he knows what it's like. OK, dick move.
Now I assumed that these gentlemen I had been talking to would realize the guy was an ******* and blow it off and let him go back inside. Oh no! The peacock feathers came out and they were both in this guy's face about how if you've never been overseas in combat, you know nothing, you are nothing. It became very clear that they looked down on anyone who hasn't served. I was appalled. After the bouncer stopped any chance of a fight, they commenced to do nothing but circle jerk each other about how much better they are than "regular" people. I have said nothing the whole time.
I was talking with another "regular" person at the table about guns. What guns we had, which calibers we liked, what guns were on our want to buy list, etc. The military fellas overhear. Both of them then proceeded to lecture us on all the reasons it is stupid for civilians to have guns. Guns are not fun. They are for killing, by professionally trained killers. Now, I should have just removed myself, but I brought up target shooting, hunting, plinking, and self defense purposes. Again I was told no, none of that matters, blah blah blah.
Long story short: These guys were cool while I was praising them, buying them beers, and making them feel good, but was amazed that as soon as someone wasn't kissing their asses, they became complete jerks. I respect the hell out of the troops and veterans, but serving doesn't make you better than anyone else, and doesn't give you the right to be a douche bag. Now, were they jerks before the military? No way for me to know. I'd guess probably, and now they think they have justification for the way they act. Good friend of mine went. He's not like that now. So I would say it has more to do with the personality type.
That said, I was at a bar the other night. I got to talking with some guys for a while and found out they were both military. Both had been in Iraq AND Afghanistan. We talked for a while. One guy showed me his bullet would. I thanked both of them for their service and bought them both a beer. We got along great. Another fella, who just came out to have a smoke, overheard them telling war stories. He came over, offered his thanks, then began to go into detail about how he isn't military, but he had such a bad childhood and life that he thinks he has PTSD, so he knows what it's like. OK, dick move.
Now I assumed that these gentlemen I had been talking to would realize the guy was an ******* and blow it off and let him go back inside. Oh no! The peacock feathers came out and they were both in this guy's face about how if you've never been overseas in combat, you know nothing, you are nothing. It became very clear that they looked down on anyone who hasn't served. I was appalled. After the bouncer stopped any chance of a fight, they commenced to do nothing but circle jerk each other about how much better they are than "regular" people. I have said nothing the whole time.
I was talking with another "regular" person at the table about guns. What guns we had, which calibers we liked, what guns were on our want to buy list, etc. The military fellas overhear. Both of them then proceeded to lecture us on all the reasons it is stupid for civilians to have guns. Guns are not fun. They are for killing, by professionally trained killers. Now, I should have just removed myself, but I brought up target shooting, hunting, plinking, and self defense purposes. Again I was told no, none of that matters, blah blah blah.
Long story short: These guys were cool while I was praising them, buying them beers, and making them feel good, but was amazed that as soon as someone wasn't kissing their asses, they became complete jerks. I respect the hell out of the troops and veterans, but serving doesn't make you better than anyone else, and doesn't give you the right to be a douche bag. Now, were they jerks before the military? No way for me to know. I'd guess probably, and now they think they have justification for the way they act. Good friend of mine went. He's not like that now. So I would say it has more to do with the personality type.
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Born and raised in an Army town, and have had many friends (and lots of family) from all branches of the Military. People in the military are just like civilians: they are a cross section of society. Good guys, bad guys, career guys with a plan, guys in in lieu of jail time, and just regular guys doing their hitch and moving on. I've met a bunch, and respect what they've done. Some went in for altruistic, partriotic reasons; most I know went in for vocational training, help with college, or they just had trouble finding a job out of high school.
I DO find that my tolerance for people without military bearing is getting better, but it's a process of self improvement.
I've seen a lot of guys like hard_r described. None of the ones I've interacted with had been in for more than 1 enlistment. It seemed pretty consistent that these type of guys had only done one thing in their life of any sort of merit, and it was in that first tour. So, when they get all pissy, it's because they felt threatened at the root of their self esteem.
After a couple re-enlistments and a few stripes, you get a perspective that "It's bigger than you are", so that's where the change occurs. You simultaneously gain a little humility and the overwhelming urge to neck-punch every desk jockey that ever managed to talk his way into a bronze star without ever taking his weapon off safe.
lol, that being said... When you understand the nature of the beast, you know what it's capable of. Don't hate the sheep for being sheep, brothers.
I've seen a lot of guys like hard_r described. None of the ones I've interacted with had been in for more than 1 enlistment. It seemed pretty consistent that these type of guys had only done one thing in their life of any sort of merit, and it was in that first tour. So, when they get all pissy, it's because they felt threatened at the root of their self esteem.
After a couple re-enlistments and a few stripes, you get a perspective that "It's bigger than you are", so that's where the change occurs. You simultaneously gain a little humility and the overwhelming urge to neck-punch every desk jockey that ever managed to talk his way into a bronze star without ever taking his weapon off safe.
lol, that being said... When you understand the nature of the beast, you know what it's capable of. Don't hate the sheep for being sheep, brothers.
I will offer that I have never served in the military.
I agree that it does not give them the right to act like douchebags or infringe upon others' rights.
That said, their service DOES make them better than the rest of us. It makes them special people and I'm glad they do what they do.
Most of us have the rights we have by birthright; those who serve this country EARN those rights rather than just accepting them as a gift.
I consider that to be very special.
Does it allow them special privileges in society? No. That's why they're special because they serve anyway.
Is it distasteful when such an individual flaunts his/her status? Yes. But they're still special.
YMMV.
Michael Brown
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