Honest question

[Hawgman]

First, please, let me apologize for not posting more. I've read this thread and the PM's I've received many, many, many times. They have indeed helped me. I even start to respond to individual posts because they would resonate with me at different times, but then not do it because it feels like so much effort to think then feel then type. Honestly, from my heart, thank all of you for posting and for the prayers offered. Please know that so much of what I have read here has helped in many and various ways.

It seems like for much of my life I've been so disciplined and strong. Seems like I don't have much of that these days.

Again, sincerely, thank you.

 

[John6185]

I asked that question of a physician once and he said "everyone has that thought go through their mind." When I was around 6 years old I tried to end it all but didn't know how. My stepdad was awful mean to me and I had a miserable childhood. Had there been a TV where I could have seen hangings, I would have done that I suppose.

I grew up in a grossly dysfunctional home-if it could ever be called that. Stepfather beat me, mother was married 15 times! Yes fifteen. I never had a father figure and didn't know then that things were abnormal. I had no one to encourage me in school so I made poor grades and had low self-esteem and still do at 71 years old. My mom never loved me because she didn't know how to love. She was cold and stubborn and indifferent to me or my mental and physical hurt but I pushed on and faked my way through life up to now. The neighbors shunned me because of my half-brother and we were looked down on. Sure, I thought about ending it all but never di, not because I did;t have the courage but because it would have been wrong.

 

[BadgeBunny]

First, please, let me apologize for not posting more. I've read this thread and the PM's I've received many, many, many times. They have indeed helped me. I even start to respond to individual posts because they would resonate with me at different times, but then not do it because it feels like so much effort to think then feel then type. Honestly, from my heart, thank all of you for posting and for the prayers offered. Please know that so much of what I have read here has helped in many and various ways.

It seems like for much of my life I've been so disciplined and strong. Seems like I don't have much of that these days.

Again, sincerely, thank you.

You know, as long as you understand you are not alone and there are folks you can talk to and who care, even though they've never laid eyes on you, then you will be okay. All you have to do, if it gets THAT bad, is reach out to just one of us ...

 

[YukonGlocker]

There are lots of professionals just waiting to help you. Don't hesitate to get professional help. And, in the meantime, if you feel stuck, contact these folks: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

 

[kroberts2131]

Been almost a year but I was there last year. Marital problems that were self inflicted then the favor returned. Top that off with being a combat vet with PTSD and it was almost too much too handle. I decided to go to counseling and it has helped a lot. Once the ex moved out and things slowed down, life got better. Still have rough days but would never go down that road again. Too many positive things in life to give up on. Heck, I may even get my marriage back. My daughter and I are closer than we have ever been now. We have an amazing relationship. Not trying to make this about me but showing that life goes on. Things get better. Hang in there man. If you ever need to talk, there are tons of people here willing to listen, myself included.

 

[Junior Bonner]

Don't do it. You're not certain, so that means don't do it. Even if you were certain - still don't do it.

 

[cptnhowdy138]

I just put my dad in the ground today. I lost him to liver disease.He passed on the 16th and for the past week there wasnt a day that went by where I didn't think of ending it all. I thought the pain and heartache was to to much to deal with. Now I am at home and I see my daughter and realize if I do that she will feel the same pain and heartache that I feel. There is no way I could put her through that. I look at her and see her smile and she brings me back. So what I am trying to say is find something that makes you happy. Be it in the woods on the golf course or fishing. Whatever makes you smile and focus on that. It's really helping me out through my tough times.